We live in an era where strong ladies who are used to carry the load on their own shoulders are often perceived as man-haters who are most likely to end up as old maidens with 40 cats.

Let’s ease up a bit on them, shall we?

While it is true that independent gals acquire more joy in ruling their own world and search for the happiness within them, it doesn’t mean that they don’t want to fall in love someday.

As an independent woman myself, I can assure you, we believe in love. Just because we seem a bit distant or selfish with our space at times, you shouldn’t get the idea that we’re not up for it.

The thing about us is that we will never be “up for it” with just about anyone.

Finding a suitable partner for a healthy and prosperous relationship in a society which religiously uses dating apps hoping to find their soulmate seems to a be a big difficulty.

And if it’s hard for other people, you can only imagine what it feels like to women who won’t always “budge an inch” for every person that comes along.

Even when we feel like the right one has come to our doors (I’ll feel free to speak in the name of all the independent sisters), it’s safe to say that it all comes down to battling between our feelings of wanting to experience true love and our strong moral code to never compromise our values.

Paradoxical, right?

As a declared independent person, who keeps chasing her dreams and pays  her bills, sadly I’ve had a pretty devastating love experience. I found a guy to whom I was really attracted by the things he did.

But the biggest mistake I made was confusing those nice things with their personality. Which turned out to be plain immature and childish.

Thinking back on the experience, I’m aware I got attached to a person who I thought he was.  The person who presented themselves as supportive of my goals was now trying to alienate my world by projecting an irrational jealousy.

And as much as I realize that as humans we carry each our own madness within and we often make mistakes (We’re far away from perfect) I will have the courage to ask you a question.

If you’re not up for being an equal partner to an open-minded, independent woman, then why the hell do you pretend to be one?

What good is it to date for fun anyway?

The playtime is over. We are mature women with a firm approach to the world around us and that’s the same attitude we search for in a person.

Falling in love is terrifying as it is. But it’s even more exceptionally scary for a woman who’s aware how serious it really is to invest time and energy in someone. A woman who would expect the same from you and would need your understanding.

I would never allow myself to waste my time doing the same mistake ever again. I don’t have the energy to get so intimate with someone only to find out after a while, that they don’t feel ready to live up to the same standards as my own.

I’m not scared to be alone. My biggest fear is ending up with the wrong man.

Image Copyright: kopitinphoto / 123RF Stock Photo

Abuse can come in a variety of forms and every person out there has a different tolerance for it. Physical abuse leaves you with pain and scars which can be clearly felt and sighted.

But what happens when you’re a victim of an even worse type, the emotional abuse?

As opposed to physical abuse which includes a physical contact, emotional abuse is carried by a variety of methods, such as words, a certain toxic behavior or harmful actions.

When you are a part of an emotionally abusive relationship, you might not realize it at first, up until that very moment when your instincts start to tell you the ugly truth. You become aware they try to control you and chip away your last bit of confidence by blaming, accusing and making you feel worthless.

If you experience some of these symptoms, it’s most likely you’re a victim of an emotionally abusive relationship:

1. You feel like nothing

As a consequence of the constant humiliation and downgrading, you end up feeling like you’re no good to anyone. They keep making you feel useless and convince you that they’re doing you the favor by staying with you because no one else would want you.

2. Your partner is constantly accusing and blaming you

They accuse you of flirting or being interested in another person without having a reasonable cause. Whatever the problem is, they project the responsibility and guilt to your side by usually stating the “Look what you did!”, “What’s wrong with you?”? These types of behavior are often the excuse to begin physical violence.

3. They punish you by withholding

You feel more and more alienated from your partner. They refuse to listen to you, and never stop giving you the “silent treatment”. They withhold all of the information, every affection and feelings just so they can have the ultimate control over you.

4. They draw away the attention from an important issue and refuse to discuss it

They refuse to discuss an important issue or constantly interrupt you when you talk to them. They treat you like your opinion isn’t worth a dime. You talk but they twist your words and lead the conversation out of context and in their favor. This is a serious sign that you’re a part of an emotionally abusive relationship.

5. They have absolute control over you

They insist to know everywhere you go, they even forbid you to go out and take all your belongings leaving you begging for mercy. Whether it’s your income or your freedom of choice, you end up having nothing.  

They yell at you until you explain every situation that occurred to you, and even then, it’s most likely your answer will be taken for granted.

6. Your partner never stops criticizing and judging you

They act like they’re never satisfied with you, and treat you like a disappointment. If your partner is always on the move to criticize you and refers to it as a “constructive criticism”, better watch out. This can only develop into an even more severe situation where you’ll be the first person to blame.

7. Their needs are always the top priority 

Your partner acts like they’re always in charge and it seems like you have no say in anything. They justify their actions by blaming you and verbally attacking you.

The goal of an abusive person is to weaken you, just, so they can be the one who holds the power.

 At the end, you’re left with no choice than putting them first, so you fall into the trap and start doing everything they order you.

8. They deny your experience of their abuse

They are absolutely inconsiderate of your feelings. In fact, these toxic people have zero empathy inside their heart. They deny your pain and your experience of their harmful demeanor.

They keep convincing you that you’re imagining stuff and it’s all in your head while they successfully manage to disfigure the truth even worse and prolong your suffering.

9. They prohibit your friendships

They cut you off from your friends and family in order to leave you more vulnerable, therefore more suitable for them to continue their abusement towards you.

10. They threaten you

If you keep getting threats from them about harming you in any possible way if you “misbehave” and don’t follow their “rules”, you need to find to develop a strategy to get out of this relationship. And the quicker, the better. Otherwise, you can fall victim to a more severe consequence.

If these signs of emotionally abusive relationship applied to you in any way, you need to get to the root of the problem by asking yourself any of these questions:

– Does it feel like I’m in Hell with them?

– Does my partner always hold me responsible for everything?

– Does my partner always criticize me for everything that I do?

If the answer is yes, then I advise you to search for the cause of this serious issue and try solving it as soon as possible. You don’t need to go through this alone, and you should never be ashamed to ask for a professional help.

Image: @chibelek

Happy people don’t talk much about happiness, people in love don’t talk much about love. Especially not for the approval of others, which is what social media has become nowadays – hunting grounds for attention.

People are ready to go to any lengths to ‘prove’ that they live happy lives, to show the others how beautiful it is to be in love, and whatnot. It’s totally sickening – especially to those who live this truth and know that you don’t need anyone’s approval to feel this way. You simply do.

Perhaps this is the main reason why people who are happy in love don’t post much about their relationships on social media. In fact, there are several really good reasons that make perfect sense.

1. If there’s anything to post, it will be about a good moment spent together at a special place

Not every moment of your relationship; not every detail about your private lives. Why? Because that’s what people usually do – that’s creating a memory. And happy couples function like this because they don’t find the things they do together as something extraordinary that others don’t. And in the end, who has the time to post frequent updates when you need your focus on your relationship?

2. Genuine joy and elation make us forget to take photos

It’s true – your attention is so much focused on that perfect moment, that pure joy, and that ‘high’ you get from being around your significant other that you don’t really have the energy to think about doing something so tedious as taking a photo. It will ruin the moment really, and for what?

3. If there’s anything to post about, it will never be about the arguments

It’s simply saddening to see how some people like to post about the quarrels they have in their relationships, about how their partner did this or that. Or that addiction to changing the relationship status whenever something happens. Happy couples don’t focus on what the social media will think about their relationship – they focus on fixing the issue and growing together.

4. What kind of validation are you seeking, exactly?

Happy couples don’t seek any kind of validation about their relationship. And posting endlessly about their relationship only implies that they do. So, no, you won’t see too many photos and stories about happy couples online. Simply because their life is between them, and that is what makes them truly happy.

5. Happy couples have nothing to prove

Some people like to post on social media to show off, to prove that they are living the life. However, as I said at the beginning of the article – happy people don’t talk about happiness, and people in love don’t talk about love. They do it – they live it. They don’t need to prove to anyone that they are happy together.

Have you had such an experience with a partner where you simply forget about the world, no matter how beautiful or bad things are? That’s the person you should be with. Someone who makes you forget about social media, about people’s prying eyes and their constant judgment.

Happy couples forget about these things –  that’s why they don’t post on social media things about their special intimate moments and the pure enjoyment they get from being together.

Inspired by: Elite Readers
Image Copyright: avemario / 123RF Stock Photo

You want to leave, but you don’t know how…

We can all stop asking why women can be so stupid and weak to stay in abusive relationships. We can all stop being so judgmental for a moment and understand that our judgment and shaming of abused women doesn’t help them in any way.

If you are a woman who is in an abusive relationship, this is for you.

You are neither stupid nor weak for finding yourself in this situation. You probably couldn’t see the signs from the start that you will be in an abusive relationship with your now ex-partner.

In fact, on the first date, he was certainly the most charming person, he flattered you and gave you love and undevoted attention that you’d always dreamed of finding in a man.

And maybe there were some red flags, but you couldn’t see them because your pure soul always believes in true love and in the good in people.

Emotional abuse builds gradually in the relationship. It is a slow, incessant, and methodical process which leaves the victim unaware and paralyzed.

It is like a little drip that you can’t even notice. It begins with a little off-hand comment or remark which is “just a joke.” This remark is so insignificant at the beginning that you hardly pay any attention to it.

Then, as time passes, you begin to notice the dripping. Now, the drip is a public joke at your expense, but you still can forgive your partner because he is always the life of the party. And when he comments about the length of your dress it is because he loves you, right?

Drip, drip, drip…

When he doesn’t like your friend you understand his points, so you decide to believe his judgment because after all, he is more important to you than some friend.

Drip, drip, drip…

You now start to get really annoyed by the dripping. However, you don’t decide to sell your house because of a leakage, right?

When he pushes the boundaries, you tell yourself that he is just being playful, and he doesn’t mean it.

Sometimes he can even say that you are being crazy for not believing him when you start confronting him. So, you may believe him because you start feeling like crazy.

So, you try to recompense for the drips in your relationship. You will be better. You will be more understanding and loving. You will be a better girlfriend or wife.

You no longer sleep peacefully. You are always waiting and agonizing. You always feel like you have to walk on eggshells around him.

The dripping grows stronger and stronger… You are now in denial. And this denial phase usually goes like this: If you hadn’t said what you said, if you hadn’t done what you did – then maybe he wouldn’t be like that, maybe he wouldn’t be so mad. You must have kept your quiet. You should have known better than confront him.

Because of course, he has problems and sometimes you can really be an ungrateful bitch.

Drip, drip, drip…

You begin to work so hard to save your relationship that you don’t notice there is water spilling everywhere on the floor.

Your denial now becomes fear. You start to be afraid of your partner. You fear that the others will find out about the situation you are in, but you are more scared that your partner can find out that you told your family and friends about it.

Now there’s water everywhere and you feel like you are drowning. You can’t ignore it anymore. You are scared but you are determined to save yourself.

So, you reach a pain threshold and you leave.

Because you finally realize that abuse does not always manifest as a bloody wound or a black eye. Sometimes it ends up as total alienation from oneself, as depression, anxiety, complete mental ruin.

And it was never your fault for giving in to the most divine of feelings called love.

At least you knew how to love. Now it’s time to forgive yourself and to let go of the painful past. Because even if the repercussions of your selflessness have turned you into someone who is afraid to love again and to experience life to its fullest again, you should never forget that you were strong enough to go through it all and leave with the strength that kept you alive.

It’s really not my intention to try and give women some kind of definition of ‘perfection’ they should be following, as I am also sick of everybody telling people how they should behave and what they should look like.

And I don’t like to give men the idea that perfect women are rare to find, as perfection comes from inspiration – it’s not a fixed state.

However, this article is not about setting norms, but rather celebrating ingenuity and that precious gem every person possesses. It’s about celebrating love in its highest form, which if present, one should never let go of.

We all have our differences that make us unique, and we all come together to learn how to work through those differences. Perhaps the greatest motivation for our constant efforts to become better people and to learn to live with one another is love. And if this love is between two specially bonded people, it’s definitely something that they should be fighting for and never let go.

In today’s crazy world, love has somehow lost its meaning, which makes it all more precious in the eyes of those who behold it. So, if you’re genuinely in love and unsure whether it’s being reciprocated, look no further and simply let your guard down, especially if you’re with a woman like this.

THAT WOMAN WHO BY THE THOUGHT OF HER INSPIRES A SMILE, NO MATTER THE SITUATION

No matter the place, or the distance, the time, or your struggles. If the mere thought of her inspires that sweet smile in you, never let her go. This smile has little to do with events and a lot to do with who she is and what she stands for in your life – hope, happiness, excitement, the thought of a better future.

THAT WOMAN WITH WHOM YOU CAN JUST BE WITH

Without the need to do anything special, without the need to even talk too much when there’s nothing special to talk about, but her presence is enough to make you feel good. Never let go of the woman who enjoys your presence as much as you enjoy hers and who can simply enjoy some quiet time with you without the need for anything extra.

THAT WOMAN WHO DOES SMALL THINGS FOR YOU

It’s not only men who should be thoughtful and provide attention to those tiny things in life, while women wait like queens to be pampered. If your woman shows consideration for you, does small things for you, makes you feel noticed and cared for – never let her go.

THAT WOMAN WHO LOVES THE THINGS ABOUT YOU OTHERS TAKE FOR GRANTED

It’s hurtful to think that people tend to take all that selflessness, kindness, and one’s giving nature for granted. You begin to wonder whether they are worth possessing as traits and if they actually harm you more than they make you grow. The right woman for you will never take them for granted, though. She will love you for these things that can make you seem naïve. Never let that woman go.

THAT WOMAN WHO INSPIRES YOU TO BE BETTER THAN YESTERDAY

If there’s one indicator that the right woman has walked into your life, it’s the way she inspires you to become a better man and reevaluate your attitudes and perceptions. Not to intimidate you into changing, but to inspire you to grow. If your woman makes you feel like you can always do better for yourself, for her, and for the both of you – never, ever, let her go.

THAT WOMAN WHO MAKES YOU REALIZE THE THINGS THAT MADE EVERYTHING BEFORE FAIL

Break-ups are not uncommon, and it usually goes down to different things that lead to that breakup. But what made it not work out in the first place? When you meet that right woman for you, you’ll find out what made it impossible for you to be with the previous. You will simply see the things that were lacking and made those relationships not work out. You will see them because they won’t be lacking anymore.

THAT WOMAN WHO IGNITES YOUR PASSIONS, REAWAKENS YOUR DREAMS AND SUPPORTS YOUR GOALS

She doesn’t have to do much, and still, she will reignite your forgotten passions and bring your dreams back. She will inspire you into achieving the things you once gave up on, and she will support you in your goals. And it takes so little to achieve this, but only if it’s the right person.

THAT WOMAN WHO RESPECTS THE PEOPLE WHO ARE IMPORTANT TO YOU

Not everybody needs to like everyone, but that doesn’t mean that she cannot respect the people you find important. The right woman will respect everyone you love, simply because she will trust your heart. You will know that you should never let her go when you see how fine the people you love feel around her, and how nice she is toward them without expecting any personal gain.

THAT WOMAN WHO MAKES YOU HAPPY

And in the end, no matter the positive and negative aspects we all possess, no matter the misunderstandings that may sometimes arise, and despite the quarrels that are there to make your relationship grow – if that woman makes you happy to be alive and gives you the purpose you’ve been lacking – never let her go.

The truth is, we all need happiness in our lives. No matter what you read, as to what kind of person you should be with, know this: BE WITH THE PERSON THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. There will always be differences that divide, but you should focus on the bridges that connect.

Relationships, like everything else in life, aren’t easy. And the more beautiful it can get, the more challenging it will prove. So, relax and enjoy the rollercoaster of love. Find the woman who makes you happy, and never let her go!

Inspired by: James Michael Sama
Image: @obodnikova