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10 Things Life Taught Me After I Decided To Stay Friends With My Ex

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I’ve never been someone who could hold a grudge against a partner after I end a relationship. In fact, I’ve always been on the other side of that spectrum. I know it sounds strange, but I’ve always believed that two people can stay friends even though they can’t make it as a couple.

Especially if they had many things in common.

Long story short, even though I believe in friendship after a relationship, I too have experienced the pain of not being able to control my feelings.

Here’s what life taught me after I decided to give my ex-partner a chance as a friend:

1. First things first. This may not work for everybody out there. Therefore, if you try to be friends with your ex and realize that being around them makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to tell the truth. You shouldn’t have to hide your feelings.

2. Staying friends doesn’t mean that you have to see each other every day or hang out every weekend. Being a friend with them can also mean sending them a birthday postcard or calling them to congratulate on their happy news.  

3. However, it is important to have in mind that if you decide to be friends with your ex-partner, you have to ask yourself whether you are fine with eventually seeing them with another woman. Even though it sounds like it’s not a big deal, this is something that is truly difficult for some people. If you have some leftover feelings for your ex-partner, this may not be a good idea.

4. If you decide to be friends, make sure you stay friends. Friends with benefits is not being friends. Deny it all you want, but once you enter that unknown territory, things might change for the worse.

5. Have in mind that your friendship might not last. Still, that doesn’t mean that your beautiful memories together will fade away.

6. Don’t decide to be friends with them just because you think that you might get them back. If you didn’t make it as a couple and they want to keep you as a friend, but you still have feelings for them, being their friend won’t make them fall back in love with you. Respect their feelings.

7.Know that no matter how much you want to maintain that connection between you two, your relationship will never be the same. You might not laugh at the same things. You may not get the same person you once had.

8. A lot of people will tell you that this is a bad idea. A lot of people will try to convince you to stop fooling yourself. If you are aware of your feelings and your ex-partner’s intentions, ignore all of them. Do what your heart tells you to do. “Exes cannot be friends” is one of the biggest clichés.

9.If you need to end the relationship, end it. But don’t think that staying friends will give you the closure you need. Being with this person will be painful if you haven’t sorted your emotions first.

10. Last but not least, this is something that I personally believe in. That doesn’t mean that you have to agree with it or do the same. If you need time to heal, give yourself time. If you want to see them and maintain your connection, do it. If you don’t feel ready to let them into your life after your breakup, move on. If you don’t feel comfortable hanging out with your ex-partner, don’t be friends. The fact that friendship with an ex-partner worked out for me doesn’t mean that it has to work out for everybody out there too.

Follow your emotions and listen to what your heart says. Always!