A people pleaser is one of the nicest and most helpful people you will ever meet. This kind of people will never say “no”, they are very dependable and they will spend all the time they need to do things for other people. Do you know someone like this?
These wonderful people will always be there for their friends, family or just about anyone who needs a helping hand. However, this habit may be very hurtful and harmful for them, as they devote little time for themselves and they can be easily perceived as being weak and easily manipulated.
To honor these people, we have created a list of 11 things they do that others don’t realize. If you are a people pleaser, you will definitely agree.
- You find it hard to cut ties with anyone
You don’t want to hurt anyone or make anyone feel resentment and hate toward you. You are aware that cutting ties with a person may make them feel hurt, and that’s why you choose to stick around even if that person doesn’t deserve your friendship.
You would rather continue to be around toxic people, as you would rather face the difficulty of that relationship than have the other person face the difficulty of facing its end.
- You apologize even if someone else steps on your toe
You will say “I’m sorry” even when things aren’t necessarily your own fault. To spare people feeling bad about themselves you will readily put the blame on yourself and find a reason for that.
Facing blame seems very hard for some people, but when you need to spare someone from it, you don’t find it difficult. On the contrary, you feel better when you see that the other person feels free of the guilt they may deserve.
- Saying ‘no’ is very hard for you
You are ready to neglect your needs and extend your possibilities just to be able to say ‘yes’ and fulfill it. Even if you are exhausted from no sleep, you will be readily awake to help someone out, go out with friends or do someone a favor for something which came out of the blue.
You never say no. The only person you can say ‘no’ to is yourself. When someone asks for something from you, you are ready to disturb your plans and cancel personal activities just to jump in and help out.
- You don’t devote time for yourself
The biggest issue with your helpful attitude comes when your own time is in question. You are ready to reassign any time you have left for yourself in favor of someone else. This is because you tend to value the people in your life more than you value yourself.
You won’t think of taking some time off to enjoy yourself. In fact, you are always on the move, never even stopping to notice yourself and your own needs. While this is very beneficial for those around you, it will eventually burn you out.
- You can’t let go of past resentments
You can’t let go of the anger towards those who took advantage of your kindness. Knowing how much you wanted to be of help, situations that turned you into the ‘bad one’ seem to able to haunt you a lot.
The thing is that people in your life can take your kindness for granted and suck you dry until you start making mistakes. When they see that you’ve stopped meeting their expectations, they put the blame on you and hurt you. These situations can remain in your head for very long.
- People frequently exploit your kindness
Your inability to say ‘no’ can bring you to the point where people begin to take advantage of you by asking more than is reasonable. Which is even worse, you can become an easy target to exploitative people who will take as much as they can from you.
Because of your wish to help everyone out (for just about anything), you can’t make a difference between help that is needed and help that is exploited. You do need to understand that sometimes helping a person means having them do things on their own.
- Some people consider you weak
The fact that you can be a very easy target to exploit makes people think that you are weak. This especially true for the exploitative people around you who use that ‘weakness’ where you can’t help being helpful. On the other side, there are those people who see you being exploited and see that as your greatest weakness.
The fact is that being able to achieve so much for others makes you stronger than them. However, not being able to tell from necessity to exploitation is a sort of weakness you should pay attention to.
- You don’t know how to be selfish
Sometimes, your decisions need to be about you and yourself only. However, if other people don’t agree with your need to stay true to yourself, you start disagreeing with the same thing.
You feel incredibly uncomfortable doing things for yourself if other people disagree with those same things. This is especially true if those other people are people you care about. You would rather have them feel better than go after something you may truly need and want.
- You would rather hurt yourself than see someone else feeling hurt
You are ready to neglect and hurt your own feelings so that the ones you care about don’t feel hurt. You always ask yourself whether they would be hurt if you make a statement or do practically anything.
This can go to such an extent that you would rather go through fire and brimstone by yourself before making someone else feel uncomfortable. You base your decisions on how others would feel rather than on how you would feel about the same thing.
- You hold on to friendships and relationships even if they don’t fulfill you
There are some friendships and relationship that make you feel small, unfulfilled and even angry. However, you hold on to them because you don’t want to disappoint or cause pain to the people involved.
In reality, these toxic relationships cause you pain and anguish, and they make you feel worse. You need to learn to let go of some people. Not everybody is made for everybody.
- You are the king and queen of over-analyzing
You can’t help over-analyzing everything you can think of. Whatever decision you may think of is subject to deep analysis and consultation with other people. And you do all of this because you want to achieve the best for others.
It’s always about others’ feelings and well-being. You always think if it’s more convenient for other people and it’s never about you or your needs. Sometimes you can get stuck in a loop if there are more people involved with conflicting interests.