Home Psychology 12 Subtle Ways To Know If Your Partner Is Cheating

12 Subtle Ways To Know If Your Partner Is Cheating


Even with the knowledge that no lie stays hidden forever, you should not allow being made a fool of by the person you want to trust the most. And with today’s technology, it has never been easier to trace the activity of a careless cheater.

There are the obvious telltale signs, like a sudden change in food and music interests, new wardrobe, and weight loss. However, some cheaters are more careful not to get caught by the obvious signs.

So, how to spot if your partner is cheating if they are hiding it so well? No matter how much they are able to hide it, there are some subtle changes in their behavior. Taking notice of these 12 things will point to whether your partner may be cheating or not.

1. Defensive attitude toward cheating

You tell your partner of someone who cheated on their partner, and he suddenly starts portraying a defensive attitude toward the cheater: “Well, perhaps he/she wasn’t happy enough,” or “What can you do… People cheat all the time.”

You are aware that he would not feel happy if the same happened to them, so, how come he is suddenly being defensive toward the topic? Well, he wouldn’t like to condemn himself, would he?

2. You are suddenly the target of analysis

Your cordiality toward people, or your free attitude toward some things in life is what he always loved about you. But now, every look or smile at another person seems to antagonize him and he cannot remain still.

Being aware that cheating is not something so far-fetched (being involved in an affair himself) makes him think that you could be up to something as well.

3. A change in habits

Coming back home and running to the shower first? That was not something he would have done before, so, how come he is doing it now? Or perhaps having a drink which he usually reserves for the weekend?

4. Driving alone

You usually go to places together, you hop in the car and you head for work and get back from work in the same car. And suddenly, he/she is coming up with excuses so as not to go together with you.

“Oh, I need to stop at the mall for something, I wouldn’t really want to bother you,” and other excuses made on the spot or deliberately delaying going out so that you have to go alone time and again.

5. New lingo

If you have noticed that your partner has started using an expression that neither of you has ever used, and something which you would probably never use, you should ring the alarm in your head.

We learn such expressions from people we hang out with for a longer period of time. Perhaps he/she picked it up from the lover?

6. Showing interest in things he/she never liked before

“Did you know that the U.S. is the country with the most dogs in the world?” Not that you cared, but you did know that she never liked dogs that much, and that is something you should care about.

She might be absorbing the interests of her lover or just trying to speak about him without saying much.

7. Acting young and wild again

It is no secret that the new love affair can make you feel adventuristic and young again. So, don’t be surprised if that serious man you learned to love suddenly invites you to get “sh*t-faced” for the night.

8. New sexual desires and habits

You know that lingerie hasn’t done much for him so far, but suddenly you see him bringing you some new sexy underwear and wanting you to try it on. It’s his re-awakened libido from the love affair speaking, and, ironically, he wants it to do the same for you.

9. Justifying attractions to other people

You know her to be the jealous type, so how come she is suddenly teasing you about the flight attendant who’s “really your type?” Or the cute neighbor who “was checking out your ass,” which she mentions with a big smile?

Her affair has set her on a guilt-mitigating mission to casually justify attractions toward other people.

10. Avoiding any cheating-related things

The idea that some situations may make him/her betray their cheater side makes them want to avoid anything which is related to cheating. Watching movies with such plot? You can forget it.

No more Fatal Attraction, The Affair, Derailed, you name it. If he/she is in an affair, you can just forget it.

11. Negative change in mood

The guilt from the affair can leave a considerable trace on one’s mood, one filled with anxiety, depression, and stress. Symptoms include disinterest in eating, insomnia, blue mood, and visible stress.

12. Signature blank stare

Trying to make up tiny details about everything connected to the lies he’s been telling has started frying his brain. Now, when you ask him an innocent question about something that has been part of his lies, you can almost see the wheels turning in his head.

“Did I tell her I went there? What did I tell her I was doing there? Is she trying to catch me in my lie?” And what you can see is the faraway look in his eyes you have started noticing far too often.

Any of these subtle changes in behavior can point to the possibility that your partner is up to no good. If you notice anything like this, it’s best that you do some research and confront him/her.

Source: Abby Rodman, Psychotherapist, @Huffington Post