Your relationship is supposed to bring happiness and a sense of fulfillment into your life. It should be your source of genuine contentment and safe haven. And when it comes to your partner, they should be your greatest support. Your biggest cheerleader. Your crying shoulder. Your best friend.
But if the relationship you’re currently in has recently started feeling more like a burden to you or prison instead of a safe haven or paradise, this may be a sign that you’re in a relationship with someone toxic. Of course, you should be aware of how you treat your girlfriend too, and whether your behavior makes your relationship thrive or harms it.
However, if you know that you’re doing your best to protect your relationship and make it thrive, then it’s likely that it’s your partner’s fault that your relationship is headed in the wrong direction. Since recognizing that you’re dealing with a toxic girlfriend may not always be easy, in what follows, we’ve presented 20 warning signs you’re in a relationship with a toxic girlfriend that gift-wraps her controlling behavior, toxicity, and insecurities in affection and love.
20 Signs Of A Toxic Girlfriend That Might Be Hard To Recognize
- She’s Not Honest
Honesty is an essential ingredient of any healthy and successful relationship. However, honesty is a virtue that toxic people lack.
So, if your girlfriend has the habit of making all kinds of blatant excuses and telling you ‘white lies,’ which may appear harmless, but in fact can harm a relationship, to justify herself whenever you catch her in a tight spot, this indicates that honesty is the last thing you can expect from her.
Being in a relationship with someone who’s not honest makes you wonder if they’re honest about their feelings for you and intentions and plans when it comes to the future of your relationship, which can drain you out.
- She Tries To Isolate You From Your Loved Ones
Does your girlfriend have the habit of throwing temper tantrums, acting like a spoiled kid, or even crying and emotionally blackmailing you whenever you have to go out and hang out with your friends or family?
If your answer is yes, know that this isn’t a good sign. This is how clingy people behave, and clinginess is one of the main personality traits of toxic individuals.
- She Counts Your Mistakes
We all make mistakes, right? But we also try to correct them and make it up to the person we’ve done wrong. However, dating a toxic girlfriend means dating someone who is constantly keeping score of all the mistakes you’ve made and all the fights, whether minor or bitter, you’ve had and she uses every opportunity that might arise to remind you of them, which causes you to have the same fights time and time again.
Being in a relationship with someone who often criticizes you and repeatedly makes you carry the baggage of their resentment is a clear sign you’re dating a toxic person.
- She Doesn’t Respect Your Needs
One common sign that reveals you’re in a relationship with a toxic person is if your needs are always disregarded. If your girlfriend makes your physical, emotional, financial, or social needs feel unimportant and constantly prioritizes her needs over your own, this is a clear sign you’re dealing with a toxic girlfriend.
- She Doesn’t Reciprocate Your Efforts
One of the most common signs that reveal you’re dating a toxic girlfriend is if she expects you to be the only one doing all the hard work in your relationship. She might have set high standards for you and have unreasonable expectations of how you should treat but refuses to follow the rules she applies to you.
Being in a relationship with a girlfriend that is only interested in taking and never in giving is a telltale sign your relationship is toxic.
- She Makes An Elephant Out Of A Fly
Does your girlfriend have a tendency to exaggerate and make things more serious than they really are? Let’s say, she asked you to throw out the garbage and you forgot. Or she wanted to eat ice cream for dessert and you bought her a chocolate cake. Or she wanted to go to a particular party but you couldn’t accompany her because you had to finish an important project at work.
Well, when you’re in a relationship with someone who is supportive, forgiving, and understands your needs, things like these are not a big deal. But when you’re dating a toxic person, they may feel like the end of the world. So, if your girlfriend has the habit of throwing a hissy fit and making you feel incompetent, or even stupid whenever you forget to do something she asked you to do or make a mistake, take this as a sign that she’s toxic.
- She Often Displays Controlling Behaviors
Does your girlfriend like telling you what people you should hang out with, what clothes you should wear, what goals you should set for yourself, what diet you should follow, how much alcohol you’re “allowed” to drink, or even what career you should pursue?
If your answer is yes, take this as a sign that she is toxic, as toxic individuals enjoy controlling every aspect of other people’s lives.
- She Acts Like She’s Always Right
Toxic people don’t like admitting their mistakes and taking responsibility for their actions. They may hurt your feelings, lie to you, or manipulate you, but they’ll never admit doing that.
Sentences such as “I’m sorry,” “I know I shouldn’t have told you those things, and I feel horrible about that,” or “Please, forgive me,” are something you’ll never hear come out of their mouths. Because, in their view, whatever they say and do, they’re always right. They know the best. They’re perfect.
So, if your girlfriend fits this description, this is a sure sign she is toxic.
- She’s Never There When You Need Her The Most
A toxic girlfriend can text you or call you a thousand times a day, or even appear at your door if she needs your support or help with something. But when it’s you who want to vent your frustrations, share your problems, or talk about how you spend the day at work, she’ll withdraw emotionally and become distant. A toxic girlfriend is never there when you need her support or help.
- She’s Overly Critical
Offering your partner constructive criticism since you have their best interests at heart and you want them to become the best version of themselves is normal and a good thing. But it’s a totally different story when you are constantly nagging your partner about their flaws, insecurities, or annoying habits. This is not constructive criticism. It’s unjustifiable and hostile criticism that’s designed to undermine and belittle the other person.
So, if your girlfriend frequently criticizes you for your weaknesses and that criticism is accompanied by a fair amount of resentment and sarcasm, this is a sure sign of toxicity.
- You Constantly Have To Prove Yourself To Her
Any healthy and successful relationship is built upon a foundation of mutual trust. But in order to know that you can have absolute trust in your partner, it doesn’t mean that you need to secretly check their phone or constantly ask them about their whereabouts and who they are spending time with.
This is exactly what toxic females do. A toxic girlfriend will have a hard time trusting you, which is why you’ll often find her accusing you of lying and being unfaithful.
So, if the woman you’re dating fits this description and expects you to constantly prove your loyalty to her, this is a telltale sign she’s toxic.
- She Doesn’t Respect Your Need For Privacy
Have you ever caught your girlfriend going through your emails, checking your phone, or eavesdropping on your conversations with your friends? Does she insist that you spend time with her 24/7?
If you answered with a yes, know this is an unmistakable sign of toxicity. Since when you’re dating someone who is genuinely nice, compassionate, supportive, and truly cares about you, they’ll respect your need for privacy. They’ll understand that you need space to do things you enjoy doing, and they won’t expect you to devote all of your attention to them.
- She Has Frequent Mood Swings
I’m not referring to the mood swings women have when having PMS. A toxic girlfriend has mood swings on a daily basis, often without any obvious reason. The moment you say something she doesn’t like or do something she doesn’t appreciate, she becomes grumpy and upset. And you end up apologizing, even for things that are not your fault, and trying to make it up to her somehow. Well, that’s exactly how a toxic girlfriend wants you to behave.
- She Insults You
When dating a toxic person, it’s not uncommon to start having low self-esteem and feel like a total loser who can’t do anything right due to the way the toxic person talks to you. To win an argument or when she’s running out of excuses, a toxic girlfriend will begin saying hurtful things to you. She’ll make snide and sarcastic comments about your vulnerabilities, fears, and flaws. Toxic people often display this type of behavior.
- She Doesn’t Follow The Same Rules She’s Set For You
You can be quite sure you’re in a relationship with a toxic girlfriend if she has double standards. For instance, she may insist that you stop hanging out with your female friends while she keeps hanging out with her male friends. Or she may insist that she know all of your passwords on social media and emails but she has no intention of allowing you to know hers.
If this is how your girlfriend behaves, take this as a sign you’re dealing with a toxic person.
- She Avoids Being Intimate With You As A Way To Punish You
Let’s say you’ve said or did something that hurt her feelings, which can often happen when you’re dating a toxic individual. The question is: Does she have an open conversation with you so as to tell you how your actions made her feel or does she keep quiet about it and become distant and cold?
If your girlfriend withdraws and becomes cold and distant and avoids being intimate with you whenever you make a mistake, fail to fulfill a promise you made, or do something that hurts her feelings, this is a sure sign she’s toxic because this is how toxic and manipulative girlfriends tend to behave. A toxic girlfriend will stonewall you and give you the silent treatment until you figure out what it was you did that upset her, apologize, and make it up to her.
- It’s Her Way Or The Highway
Do you have the impression that your girlfriend always gets her way? Whether it’s deciding what movie to watch on Saturday night or what step you should take next in your career, her opinion always prevails.
Dating this type of woman can be overwhelming, draining, and frustrating since she makes you feel unheard, unimportant, and invisible. She makes you feel like you’re inferior to her. A relationship with such a woman is bound to fail sooner or later.
- She Doesn’t Appreciate You
One telltale sign that shows a person truly loves you and cares about you is if they go out of their way to make you feel cherished and appreciated.
But when you’re dating a toxic female, you don’t get to feel this way since she takes you for granted. You never feel appreciated for all the things, whether small or big, you do for her. You rarely hear the words, “Thank you,” “Oh, you’re so kind,” or “That’s very thoughtful of you.” Even if she expresses gratitude or appreciation for something you did for her, there’s a reason behind that – she’s acting nice just because she wants to get something from you.
- She Wants To Always Have You Around
She may pick fights with you or give you the silent treatment, but she can’t stand when you’re not around. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend quality time with your partner and have them around when you need help or emotional support, it’s very unhealthy when you feel the need to constantly have them around. As we already said, clinginess is one of the most common traits of toxic people.
- She Considers You The Only Source Of Her Happiness
Of course, in healthy relationships, it’s normal for partners to want to make each other happy, content, and fulfilled. It’s normal for them to complete and complement each other. However, when you’re in a relationship with someone toxic, things are a little bit different. A toxic girlfriend will make you the main focus of her life and depend on you for her happiness. And if you fail to live up to these expectations, she’ll see this as a betrayal.
How Do You Break Up With A Toxic Girlfriend?
Unless a romantic relationship makes you feel happy and emotionally fulfilled, what’s the point of staying in one? Moreover, staying in a toxic relationship can negatively affect your self-esteem and overall health. So, if you’re dating a toxic girlfriend and you’ve done everything in your power to encourage her to change and see how her actions affect you, and yet nothing has changed, so you’re now considering putting an end to the relationship, here are several ways you can break up with her:
- Cut off all communication with her and take the time you need to process the breakup and heal.
- If you can’t abruptly end things with her, distance yourself gradually from her.
- Before you break up, think about all the things you want to say to your girlfriend and how you want to say them so that you avoid creating any ambiguity regarding the status of your relationship.
- Once you’ve decided that you need to end the relationship, don’t put it off.
- Stick to your decision to end the relationship and don’t let her make you change your mind about it if she tries to.
- Break up in person.
- Make sure you have reliable support after you break up with her. To deal with the negative emotions and pain following the breakup, it’s important and comforting to know that you have someone by your side that is there for you and will help you come to terms with the breakup and move on.
- In order to leave the toxic relationship in your past and move on with your life unaffected by it, it’s essential to forgive your partner and yourself as well.
Frequently Asked Questions
What Are Toxic Behaviors?
Over the course of life, we get to meet different types of people. Some are nice, compassionate, and caring. They exude positive energy and bring happiness and a sense of fulfillment into our lives. Others are inauthentic, envious, judgmental, and manipulative. They do nothing but hold us back, cause problems in our lives, and prevent us from being happy and the best version of ourselves. These behaviors are rightfully considered toxic since they negatively affect our well-being and mental health.
Toxic behaviors have the power to make you feel stressed, mentally and physically drained, and suck the happiness out of you. Knowing how to deal with people that display toxic behaviors can help protect your overall health and change the way you perceive and interact with those around you.
What Is Toxic Behavior In A Relationship?
Undeniably, all couples experience difficulties in their relationships and go through ups and downs. When you’re in a healthy relationship, having disagreements and arguments from time to time is normal. However, in this type of relationship, both partners are willing to put in the work for their relationship to succeed, openly discuss any issues that may appear, make important decisions together, and enjoy being around each other.
When you’re in a relationship with someone who shows toxic behaviors, well, that’s a completely different story. In this type of relationship, you may often feel stressed, overwhelmed, and drained when around your partner or after spending time with them. You might even dread the thought of spending time with them due to the way they make you feel and the constant arguments you have.
In what follows, we’ve presented the most common toxic behaviors in a relationship.
- Toxic Communication
Being in a relationship with someone you have toxic communication with means that the majority of your conversations are characterized by heavy criticism or sarcasm and fueled by hatred.
So, if you’ve often caught your partner making snide or sarcastic comments about you, even in front of others, or if they overly criticize your decisions, choices, or simply the way you live your life, you can take this as a clear sign you’re in a toxic relationship.
- Controlling Behaviors
Controlling behavior is one of the most common types of toxic behavior. If your partner constantly insists that you inform them of your whereabouts or become irritated or angry when you don’t answer their calls or texts right away, this may be a sign that they’re trying to control you.
- Lack Of Support
When you’re in a healthy relationship with someone, both of you feel the need and a desire to support and encourage each other. You make sure you meet each other’s needs and help each other become the best versions of yourselves and succeed in life. On the other hand, you and/or your partner never get to behave these ways when one or both of you displays toxic behaviors.
When you’re in a relationship with someone you truly love, it’s normal to feel jealous occasionally. But when you and your partner constantly face this problem, which often leads to mistrust, angry fights, and suspicion, it can be classified as toxic behavior.
Does your partner often forget important events or dates and have trouble keeping their promises? If you answered with a yes, know this is a serious red flag in a relationship. It’s a toxic behavior known as disrespect.
If you’re in a relationship where you and your partner tend to hold grudges against each other instead of openly discussing your relationship problems, trying to solve them maturely and calmly, and speaking up when something upsets you or hurts your feelings, this may indicate that your relationship is toxic.
- Ignoring Your Needs
When you’re in a healthy relationship with someone, your needs are never disregarded, which is exactly what happens when you’re in a toxic romantic relationship. So, if you’re with someone who rarely asks for your opinion when making important decisions or planning a trip, holiday, or date or seldom shows interest in your personal problems, take this as a sign that they are ignoring your needs.
If you’ve often caught your partner lying to you about their whereabouts or who they’re hanging out with since they wanted to avoid spending time with you or they worried about how you’d react if they told you the truth, chances are you’re in a relationship with someone who is dishonest.
What Does A Toxic Woman Mean?
If you know a woman, be it a friend, family member, relative, co-worker, or even your partner, that’s hard to deal with and causes a lot of problems and conflict in your life, this may be a sign that you’re dealing with a toxic woman. Toxic people can make you feel stressed, overwhelmed, and drained after spending time with them. Depending on how negatively they influence your life, they can also cause you emotional and physical pain.
A toxic woman is any woman that creates unpleasantness for you, brings negativity into your life, and makes you feel stressed and emotionally, physically, or mentally drained after spending time with her. This type of woman acts in toxic ways and if you’re not able to recognize you’re dealing with one or how to handle her negativity and toxicity, this can have a highly negative effect on your well-being and health.
So, the main question that arises here is: How can you tell if a woman is toxic?
In what follows, we’ve presented several warning signs that show you’re dealing with a toxic woman:
- Her behavior constantly makes you feel confused.
- You never feel comfortable and your best yourself when around her.
- You feel like she’s manipulating you into doing something you don’t want to do.
- When she says or does something that hurts your feelings and she’s aware of that, she never apologizes.
- You feel like you’re walking on eggshells when she is around.
- She disrespects your needs and boundaries.
- You often feel like you have to defend yourself to her.
- She always needs your support, but she’s not supportive of you.
- You consistently feel stressed, uneasy, overwhelmed, or even bad about yourself when spending time with her.
- Whenever you are around her, there’s always drama.
What Does A Toxic Girl Do?
Recognizing that you’re dealing with a toxic girl can sometimes be quite hard. So, in what follows, we’ve presented the most common subtle signs you’re dealing with this type of girl.
- She Doesn’t Respect Your Boundaries
If you’ve been clear with her about your needs and she simply continues to treat you in ways that show she couldn’t care less about them and if she acts like she doesn’t understand how important having time to yourself to you is, it’s likely that you’re dealing with a toxic girl.
- She Always Needs Something From You
If you’ve noticed that she constantly texts you, calls you, or even shows up at your place to ask for your help or emotional support, but when it’s you who need her support or help, she’s nowhere to be found, take this as a clear sign that she is toxic.
- She Manipulates You
Toxic individuals know various ways to manipulate you in order to get what they want. They may sugarcoat things, leave out information, exaggerate, and lie just to make you have a certain opinion of them or act in ways that suit their needs. So, if there’s a girl in your life who fits this description, sorry, but she’s toxic.
- She Keeps You Wondering Which Version Of Her You’re Getting
She can be lovely and super nice one day and the next she can be rude and inconsiderate. Oftentimes, you can’t find any reason why she’d change her behavior toward you, but you simply know that something isn’t right. Even when you ask her what’s wrong and whether she is sad or cranky because of something you said or did, you never get a clear answer. What you get is a simple “I’m fine.”
So, when this happens, you often end up apologizing to her, making excuses for her, and trying to please her, which is exactly how she wants you to behave.
- She Leaves Your Conversations Unfinished
If a girl you know tends to leave your conversations unfinished, especially when you’re trying to talk about something important to her, like the reason why she’s treating you unfairly, avoids answering your calls and texts, and keeps you guessing what you might have done to upset her, it’s likely you’re dealing with a toxic girlfriend. Since a girl who is genuinely nice, honest, and truly cares about you will never let you feel sad or miserable without attempting to resolve whatever problem the two of you might have.
What Does A Toxic Wife Look Like?
You are married and suspecting your wife might be toxic? Here are several signs that show she is truly toxic:
- She disregards your thoughts and opinions.
- She interferes with your decisions.
- She tries to control every aspect of your life.
- She disrespects your boundaries.
- She avoids admitting her mistakes and taking responsibility for her actions.
- She keeps score of your mistakes, broken promises, and failures.
- She keeps secrets from you.
- She’s overly critical.
- She makes you feel insecure, unheard, and unappreciated.
- Intimacy is withdrawn or doesn’t exist at all.
- You often fight.
- She’s never willing to compromise.
- She ignores your need for privacy and personal space.
- She tries to sabotage your efforts to grow personally, pursue your goals, and become more successful since she’s afraid you’ll one-up her.
- She tries to isolate you from others.
How Do I Know If I’m The Toxic One In The Relationship?
Have you ever heard the saying: “It takes two people to make a relationship toxic? Well, some people can be toxic without being aware of it. So, what if you are the toxic one in the relationship? If you can relate to the following descriptions, take this as a sign that it’s not your partner who is toxic – you are!
- You treat your partner like they’re inferior to you.
- You manipulate them by lying to them, gaslighting them, stonewalling them, and hiding information from them.
- You don’t respect their need for personal space.
- You prioritize your needs over their own.
- You’re hyper-critical.
- You say hurtful things to them.
- You’re not supportive and affectionate.
- You avoid putting in the effort to solve your relationship problems together with your partner.
- You frequently pick fights.
- You like playing the blame game more than taking responsibility for your actions.
- You’re constantly threatening to break up.
Speaks from heart, always too passionate and driven by emotions. Spins the words with kindness & sharpness, intriguing your ever-inscrutable minds.