6 Best Relationship Advice On How To Build Love That Stands The Test Of Time

Whether we’ve been in a relationship with someone for 6 years or married to the same person for 20 or 30 years, we all have the same wish – our love to last a lifetime.

There are many couples to whom this wish has become a reality. These are the couples who’ve been together for over 30 years and who are looking forward to many more years together.

So, the question is: How have these couples managed to build love that stands the test of time?

Well, on May 23, my family and I celebrated my parents’ 40^th wedding anniversary. Yes, their 40^th wedding anniversary. As we were enjoying the family dinner, I couldn’t resist but ask my parents what their secret was – how they’ve managed to keep the spark alive throughout all these years.

Here’s what they told me, and I sincerely hope that you’ll find the following pieces of advice as valuable as I have.

1. Accept each other exactly the way you are.

Disagreements and fights are an inseparable part of every healthy, strong, successful relationship. Because no matter how much you and your partner love each other and no matter how long you’ve been together, nothing can change the fact that you two are separate individuals. You have different likes, dislikes, needs, goals, interests, dreams, and problems as well.

So, thinking that if you manage to change your partner, i.e. make them fit your own selfish, unrealistic idea of who they should be, this will limit the number of disagreements, misunderstandings, and problems you have in your relationship is not only wrong but absurd as well.

The reason why some couples enjoy healthy, meaningful, happy, long relationships is not that they don’t argue or that they agree on everything, but that they deal with their disagreements in a mature, kind manner. More importantly, they accept and cherish each other the way they are. They embrace each other’s qualities as well as insecurities, fears, and problems.

2. Never base your happiness on your partner’s constant approval and validation.

While it’s a part of our nature to want to be validated, admired, and loved, you need to understand that if you always have to beg for this, it becomes harmful to your self-esteem.

Unless you practice self-love and self-respect, you can’t expect that your partner will give you the validation and love you need. You also need to understand that you’re the one who decides how you’ll spend your energy and life in general. It’s your responsibility to say NO when others, even your partner, expect you to act or live in ways they want you to – ways that are not in accordance with your own values and principles.

Therefore, forget about pleasing everyone around you and remember that you don’t have to justify your actions to anyone, not even your significant other. Because your happiness, sense of fulfillment, and self-worth don’t depend on anyone. Only when you learn how to be more independent and self-reliant, will you be free and ready to give as well as receive genuine, pure, deep love.

 

3. Give each other space to deal with your negative feelings in your own way.

We all have mood swings once in a while. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But what you should remember is that when you notice that your partner is feeling upset, having a bad day, or being cranky, you shouldn’t take this personally or make them feel like they’re an insecure or weak person.

Instead, give them enough space and time to process what they’re going through and face their negative emotions. In this way, not only will you avoid undermining their worth, but you’ll also help them preserve their dignity.

4. Make sure you always have open communication.

Relationships in which one of the partners thinks that the other person can read their mind are bound to fail. The reason is simple: Things such as sweeping problems under the carpet, sugarcoating the harsh truths, and regarding only your own opinions, ideas, and decisions as right only create more problems.

If you want the love and respect in your relationship to grow as time passes, you need to always honestly and clearly express your thoughts and feelings. Additionally, you need to give up the habit of listening to your partner so as to reply and actually start listening to them so that you can understand what they have to say. You need to listen to them without criticizing or judging them regardless of how different their opinions are from your own.

5. Support and encourage each other to grow, both personally and professionally.

Happy and successful couples are those that show eagerness to learn from each other and from the world around them. They’re committed to encouraging each other to set and pursue high goals and develop both as individuals and partners.

Instead of trying to change each other or being jealous of each other’s accomplishments and successes, such couples invest time and energy in motivating each other to become the best version of themselves.

6. Last but not least, practice love every day.

In order for you to build a loving relationship which stands the test of time, you need to practice love every day. So, what does that mean?

It means treating each other with kindness, compassion, patience, and understanding. It means treating each other with respect and dignity. It means being willing to make compromises and sacrifice your own needs, wishes, and even happiness for the sake of your partner.

It means investing time and energy in your relationship and always being there for your significant other. It means being entirely loyal to your partner and fully committing to them. It means choosing your partner every day.