Work, school, friendships, everything in life today comes down to one common thing – building good relationships. Although some people are just born with the gift to attract people, most of us struggle to get the feedback we need, no matter if we need a positive feedback from a colleague, friend or partner.
However, psychologists agree that the personal will to improve is crucial.
Indeed, there is a great amount of research done on this topic and researchers and psychologists have come to agreement about certain actions that greatly influence human relationships.
For instance, did you know that people are likely to behave in a good manner if you expect them to?
Here are 6 psychological tricks you could use to build better relationships with people.
- Show them you see them as they like to be seen
Everyone wants to leave a certain impression about themselves in front of the others, and usually that has a lot to do with the beliefs they have about themselves. There is even a theory about this phenomenon – it’s called self-verification theory. The theory argues that people actually seek confirmation when they present their views.
This theory was tested by researchers at Stanford University and the University of Arizona, who conducted a study where they asked the participants with positive and negative perceptions about themselves about their preferences when interacting with people – whether they prefer critics or people who have positive reactions to their views.
The results have shown that the participants who perceive themselves in a positive way preferred to interact with individuals who had positive impressions of them. On the other hand, those with negative self-views preferred to interact with critics who gave them a feedback equal to their beliefs.
Furthermore, another study shows that the conversation advances more smoothly when we are talking to someone like-minded. Thus, showing like-mindedness can be the key to impressing someone and making them like you.
- Tell them something personal
Secrets are for best friends only, but sharing personal information with someone you’ve just met can ensure building a closer relationship with them.
Arthur Aron conducted a study on college students at Stony Brook University to discover whether sharing personal information really affects the intimacy level between the subjects.
In the study, the students were paired randomly and had a task to get to know each other better in 45 minutes. In the first group, the conversation started with questions about personal facts, such as the subject’s relationship with their mother and favorite holidays.
The second group was engaged in small talk during that period.
The experiment showed that self-disclosure is an effective technique when it comes to building relationships.
Namely, the students who had been engaged in a personal conversation with their subject ended up feeling closer to the conversation partner compared to the students who didn’t ask or answer personal questions.
- Expect to see the best of them
First impressions are important, but they are influenced my many factors, one of which could be you. Thus, if you expect to get only the negative side of people, you will probably get only that.
The Pygmalion effect occurs when people treat the others according to what they expect to get from them. In other words, if you expect a bad behavior from someone, they are more likely to behave in such a manner.
So, if you want to build a good relationship with someone, keep only positive thoughts about them and they’ll give you the best of them.
- Show them you like them
The so-called “reciprocity of liking” is a psychological phenomenon that has been known for a while. According to it, if you show someone you like them, there is a big chance that they will like you back.
The phenomenon has been supported by a study where participants were told that certain subjects involved in a group discussion like them.
After the study, the participants were asked who they liked best in the discussion. Most of them liked the individuals who reciprocated their feelings.
- Make them laugh
Researchers from Illionis State University and California State University at Los Angeles discovered that sense of humor is a really important trait of a person when it comes to choosing a friend or partner.
Another study showed that the sense of humor is connected to the moral traits of people.
In this study, the participants who had highly exposed moral traits were perceived as less humorous and were less popular among their colleagues.
- Encourage them to talk about themselves
Talking about yourself makes you feel good. It’s rewarding and motivating. Harvard researchers supported this with a study.
The researchers used FMRI machines to follow the brain activity when people share information about themselves or someone else.
It was discovered that sharing information publicly and talking about yourself activates the brain regions connected to motivation and reward.
So, encouraging people to talk about themselves will leave them with positive feelings about your conversation.