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6 Simple Ways To Keep Your Cool In An Argument


There isn’t a person who hasn’t experienced conflicts and arguments with someone. Because even the calmest, coolest, and most collected person will lose their temper at some point. And when this happens, it’s really hard, almost impossible, for anyone to control what will happen next.

However, what we can certainly control is the way we react when we find ourselves in situations that make us feel frustrated, angry, and disappointed. Instead of letting your strong, negative emotions get the best of you, you should learn to recognize, acknowledge, and handle them.

Instead of making unnecessary drama, i.e. shouting at and/or insulting the other person, you have to think about and re-evaluate the reasons for the conflict, and, of course, try to stay calm and collected as much as you possibly can before you say or do something you’ll regret later.

Here are 6 simple, effective ways to keep your cool during an argument:

1. Take a deep breath.

When you feel like you’re going to fly off the handle, remember to take a deep breath and count to ten. This will help you remain calm since slow and deep breathing reduces the production of the stress hormones – cortisol and adrenaline.

So, remember, deeply inhale through the nose and slowly exhale through the mouth and watch how your whole body gets more and more relaxed.

2. Focus on your body posture.

Focusing on the way your body moves during an argument can really help you stay calm. You’ll notice that in such situations you’re very tensed and you tend to show aggressive bodily movements, such as tapping your feet or balling up your fists. Your breathing gets shallow too.

When you notice that your body starts to tense, relax your hands and shoulders, take a deep breath, and try to return your body to a more neutral state.

3. Don’t raise your voice.

I know that keeping your voice down is a hard thing to do when you’re angry, but the volume of your voice is something that can decide whether a conversation will turn into a conflict or not.

Of course, raising your voice always results in a conflict. But, if you really want to solve the problem causing the conflict, you should lower your voice. In this way, you’ll make yourself appear calm and relaxed, which in turn will calm the other person. How great this is, isn’t it?

4. Listen attentively.

Instead of taking everything personally, or hurrying to respond immediately, or insulting and cursing the other person, try to patiently listen to what they have to say. This technique is beneficial for both sides because it makes the other person know you’re paying attention to their words and it also helps you better understand their point of view.

And, of course, in this way, you also gain the necessary information for an appropriate, intelligent, effective response.

5. Don’t ask “Yes” and “No” questions.

Instead, ask them questions beginning with “Why,” “What,” and “How.” In this way, you’ll show the other person that you’ve been carefully listening to them as well as that you want them to fully express their opinions rather than answer to your questions with a simple yes or no.

6. Agree to disagree.

Not every argument will produce results that will be satisfying for both sides. However, you can prevent the conflict from escalating by ending it before things start getting out of control.

So, if you can’t get the other person see and understand your point of view, which means that the conversation is going nowhere, or if you notice that they’re very hostile and negative,  then you don’t have an option – other than to exit the argument and walk away.