6 Things You Should Never Do When You Break Up With Someone

So, you’ve decided to break up. Let me congratulate you – the hardest part is over.

Well, okay, it’s not completely over. You still have to go through the unhappiness, resentment, hurt feelings, and even pain that come with every breakup.

And the truth is, whether you’ve been together for 6 months or 6 years, whether you thought he/she was your forever person, breakups are tough and no one likes them. Depending on how much emotionally you were invested in the relationship, the period after the breakup can be quite painful and it can take you weeks or even months to get over it.

There are going to be moments of questioning yourself whether you did the right thing. There are going to be moments when you have to dig deep inside you to find the strength to start to trust and love again.

So, the question is: How can you speed your breakup recovery? Well, we’ve come up with 6 things you should never do when you break up with someone. In this way, you’ll help yourself heal faster and move on.

So, let’s start:

1. Don’t try to punish your ex.

Okay, let’s say your ex is an awful person. Your partner was fickle and irresponsible. They always behaved selfishly and even lied to and cheated on you. And why not mention that they always left their socks all over the place and rarely cleaned up after themselves (hey, some things simply can’t be forgiven).

Most probably, you’re feeling angry and hurt and you’re creating all kinds of revenge plots to make your ex feel the same pain you do. But, hey, know that things, such as scratching their car or spreading rumors about them, won’t hurt them like they do in your daydreams.

By trying to punish the other person, you hurt yourself too. You magnify your negative feelings and grief and you get yourself in the way of healing and moving forward. Trust me, no ex is worth this much trouble.

2. Don’t think about getting back together.

Of course, you will miss your ex, especially if you were in a long-term relationship with them. You will think that you should give each other a second chance and that the reasons why you broke up weren’t that “grave” in the first place.

But chances are you’re trying to get back to your comfort zone. You want to get back together because things would be so much easier then. And another possible reason why you want to get back together might be that you’re afraid of being alone.

But, you need to keep in mind that you had a reason for ending the relationship. And if you really can’t determine whether you want or not to give your relationship another chance, why not taking a long break so as to examine your issues and figure out what wasn’t working between you?

Whatever you choose to do, remember that there’s a huge difference between missing the other person and missing being in a relationship.

3. Don’t try to get in contact with your ex.

When you decided to end a relationship, it means you decide to break off contact with the other person. So what’s the point calling or texting your ex just to “check up on them”? It’ll just create more confusion and mixed feelings. Moreover, this can make your ex think you want to try again.

I’m not saying that you can’t be friends with your ex-partners, but you definitively shouldn’t be friends right away. Take some time and space to grieve properly, think things through, and allow your pain to ease off a little bit.

And then ask yourself how you’d feel if you found out that your ex was seeing another person. If it would really bother you, then give yourself more time.

4. Don’t worry about mutual friends.

You’ve decided to break up and then it pops up in your mind that you two hang out with the same people. You begin to wonder which friends will support you and which friends will ditch you.

But you need to remember that friendships aren’t a part of romantic relationships and your relationships have a greater impact on your social life in the long term.  If your friends give you the cold shoulder and choose to stay with the other person, then they were never the best friends like you thought.

And if they stay with you, then you’ll have more emotional support during the first few months after the breakup. Either way,  this is not something that you should take into consideration when planning to break up and it should definitely not interfere with your decision.

5. Don’t lead your ex on.

If the game is over, it’s over. Don’t tell your ex something like: “I think we need some time apart” or “I need space to think about us for a while.” It’s really unfair and dishonest to make the other person believe there’s still a chance for you two to be together.

Leading them on will make their heartbreak just worse. So instead of giving your ex false hope, try to be more sensitive to their feelings and be honest. Make it clear that it’s time for both of you to move on.

Being straightforward with them can feel a little bit rough in the short term, but over time, it’ll prove it was the best thing you could do.

 6. Don’t jump into a new relationship right away.

If you think that a new relationship will make you feel better and fill the void your breakup created, know you’re wrong. If you want to create a healthy, meaningful, long-term relationship, you need to be at peace with yourself.

The best thing you can do is try to enjoy life as a single person until you feel confident and ready enough to enter a new relationship. Go out, hang out with friends, and reconnect with yourself.

During this period, you’ll be able to find out what things you did wrong in your previous relationship and how you plan to do things differently so as to have a positive outcome in the future.