8 Clear Signs Your Boyfriend Is Toxic

Every romantic relationship has its ups and downs. The “perfect relationship” you see portrayed in Hollywood movies doesn’t exist. All couples face problems and difficulties in their relationship. However, there’s a big difference between being in a healthy relationship where you and your partner make decisions together, openly talk about your problems, do your best to solve them, and enjoy each other’s company and being in one that is draining and toxic.

Toxic relationships aren’t built on a foundation of respect, honesty, and trust. In a toxic relationship, you don’t feel emotionally fulfilled and genuinely happy.

A relationship can become toxic as soon as one or both partners begin prioritizing love over other more important elements of healthy and happy relationships. These elements are affection, trust, and respect.

If you prioritize love over trust, respect, and affection in your relationship, this means you’ll put up with being lied to, cheated on, and treated like a second option. You’ll tolerate being with someone who is emotionally unavailable and reserved.

Recognizing whether you’re in a toxic relationship can be hard. So, in what follows, we’ve presented 10 telltale signs of an unhealthy relationship you should look out for. We’ve also explained how you can know your boyfriend is toxic.

What Are The 10 Signs Of A Toxic Relationship?

1. Criticism

When you’re in a healthy relationship, you have open communication with your partner. You’re kind to each other and respect each other’s opinions, no matter how different they are. You listen to each other without judgment.

When you’re in a toxic relationship, most of your conversations are based on criticism and snide or sarcastic comments and they’re fueled by hatred.

If you’re in a relationship where you and your partner often make unfavorable or ironic comments about your physical appearance, achievements, or what’s going on in your lives and rarely talk about your relationship problems, not only is this a sign that you have toxic communication, but it’s also a sign that the relationship is not healthy.

2. Controlling Behaviors

When you’re in a healthy relationship, you don’t expect your partner to constantly inform you about their whereabouts, who they’re with, and what they’re doing whenever you’re not around.

If your partner asks you where you are every time he calls you or sends you a message or if they get irritated and mad when you don’t answer their calls or text them back right away, this can mean that they don’t trust you or they’re jealous. However, this can also be a sign that they feel a need to control you. Controlling behavior can gradually lead to exploitation and even abuse in a relationship.

3. Lack Of Support

When you’re in a healthy relationship, you and your partner encourage each other to accomplish your goals and grow, and you want to see each other succeed in every area of life, which is not the case when you’re in a toxic relationship.

In a toxic relationship, you don’t feel encouraged. You don’t feel that you can rely on your partner to support you. You might get the impression that they prioritize their feelings, needs, interests, and desires over your own. You might feel like you’re not important.  If you’re in a relationship with someone who makes you feel this way, take this as a sign that you’re not in a healthy relationship.

4. Envy

Occasionally feeling envious of your partner is fine. However, it can become a big problem if your envy prevents you from supporting your partner in pursuing their goals and dreams and succeeding in every area of life. It can become an issue if, instead of encouraging your partner to grow, be more successful, and become the best version of themselves, you feel like you have to compete with them.

5. Jealousy

Jealousy can make any relationship healthier and stronger as long as it’s mild and occasional. But if your jealousy prevents you from trusting your partner and leads you to think that they might flirt with others or even cheat on you whenever you’re not around, it can greatly harm your relationship.

6. Resentment

In healthy relationships, partners don’t feel hesitant or afraid to speak up when something upsets them. If you’re in a relationship with someone who genuinely loves and cares about you, you shouldn’t have a hard time calling them out on their behavior when they say or do something that hurts your feelings.

When you’re in a toxic relationship, things are a little bit different. Instead of feeling safe and comfortable speaking up when your partner’s behavior bothers you, you tend to keep your feelings to yourself and hold grudges against them. Holding grudges against each other can destroy your intimacy and even cause the relationship to fail.

7. Disrespect

Often forgetting important events in your relationship, giving your partner backhanded compliments or calling them names, being always late, and not showing interest in their likes, desires, goals, and everyday life are all signs of disrespect.

If these behaviors are common in your relationship, take this as a sure sign that the relationship is not healthy.

8. Dishonesty

Any healthy and successful relationship is built on a foundation of honesty and trust – two elements that are never present in toxic relationships.

If you can often find yourself lying to your partner about your whereabouts or who you hang out with since you worry they’ll criticize you or be angry with you if you tell them the truth or you’re just looking for a way to avoid spending time with them, chances are your relationship is toxic.

9. Walking On Eggshells

If instead of calling your partner out on their behavior or bringing up issues when they arise, you feel like you need to walk on eggshells around them because you worry that if you bring up a relationship problem or start an argument with them, this will make them fly off the handle, so you end up keeping any problems to yourself. So, if you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells around your partner, take this as a sure sign that your relationship is not healthy.

10. Constant Stress

Undoubtedly, certain things such as a job loss or a family member’s or friend’s health problems can cause you to feel stressed in your relationship. However, if you can find yourself constantly feeling stressed even when everything else is fine in your life, this is a clear sign there’s something wrong with your relationship.

What Is A Toxic Boyfriend?

Being in a relationship with a toxic boyfriend means being with someone who makes you feel emotionally, mentally, and physically drained after spending time with him. Someone who treats you like a second option and takes you for granted. Someone who prioritizes his needs over your own. Someone who doesn’t love you genuinely.

If you’re in a relationship and you suspect your boyfriend might be toxic, in what follows, we’ve presented 8 traits toxic boyfriends have in common.

8 Telltale Signs Your Boyfriend Is Toxic

1. He Is Obsessively Jealous

This is probably the most toxic personality trait anyone can possess.

If your boyfriend can’t stand the thought of you spending time with your friends or family, you might want to consider whether you still want to stay in that relationship.

If your boyfriend constantly expects you to inform him about your whereabouts, who you meet up with, and what you’re doing whenever you’re not by his side and he insists that you do everything together, this is a clear sign he is toxic.

2. He Makes You Feel Insecure

Another telltale sign that indicates whether you have a toxic relationship with your boyfriend is how secure you feel around him. If you can’t feel that he genuinely cares about you or if he often makes you wonder where you stand with him, rarely compliments you, or brings out the worst in you, this means you constantly feel insecure around him. Being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel this way is hard and painful.

3. He Often Criticizes You

A partner who always has something negative to say about you, undermines your achievements, judges you for your opinions, makes snide or sarcastic comments about your physical appearance, interests, goals, and hobbies, and makes you doubt yourself is definitely toxic.

If you’re in a relationship with a highly critical man, you need to set firm boundaries. You need to make sure he knows how you expect and deserve to be treated and call him out on his behavior when he says or does something that hurts your feelings. But most importantly, you must never allow his opinion to undermine your self-esteem.

4. He Seldom Takes Responsibility

If a polite reminder to your boyfriend to wipe the bathroom floors after he’s finished showering ends in a bitter argument every time (since you knew he was going through a rough time in life, so what could possibly make you mention that thing to him now?) – undeniably, this is a sign you’re in an unhealthy relationship.

Partners in healthy relationships aren’t hesitant or afraid to take feedback and accept responsibility for their actions. So, if this is something your boyfriend rarely does, or even worse – he always finds a way to lay the blame for his own mistakes and bad behavior at your door, take this as a sure sign that he’s toxic.

5. You Don’t Have Absolute Trust In Him

The more you and your partner get to know each other, the more you should be able to trust each other. You should prove that you deserve each other’s trust through your actions.

But when you’re in a relationship with a toxic boyfriend, you don’t feel like you can trust him entirely. A toxic boyfriend will rarely keep his promises and take responsibility for his actions. Or perhaps he’ll be caring and affectionate one weekend and completely reserved and disinterested the next. With this type of man, you never know what version of them you’ll get.

6. He Is Constantly Stonewalling You

Fights are an inseparable part of any healthy and successful relationship. Still, it’s one thing when you and your partner go out of your way to discuss your relationship problems calmly and maturely and find solutions to them, and it’s another thing if your partner is always acting like he’s not listening to you when you try to talk to him about what’s bothering you. If this is the way your boyfriend behaves whenever you try to talk to him about something important, take this as a sign that he is toxic.

7. You Feel Down And Insecure In His Presence

One more sign that shows you’re in an unhealthy relationship with your boyfriend is how you feel when you’re with him. When you’re in a healthy relationship, you enjoy spending time with your boyfriend. You feel emotionally fulfilled and happy around him. He lifts you up and makes you feel appreciated and cared for.

When you’re in a relationship with a toxic man, you don’t feel this way around him. Instead, you feel insecure, down, or even drained. Perhaps he’s doing something that makes you doubt your self-worth or his feelings. Perhaps he often criticizes you. Or perhaps he’s constantly on his phone while he’s talking to you. So, if this is exactly how you feel around your boyfriend, take this as a sure sign that he is toxic.

8. You Don’t Feel Like Yourself Around Him

One thing you need to remember is that when a man is truly in love with you, he’ll accept and appreciate you for who you are. He won’t try to change you unless there’s something about your character or physical appearance you’d like to change yourself. He won’t compare you with other women or make you feel like you’re less smart, less beautiful, or less worthy than other women.

So, if you feel like you need to pretend to be someone you’re not around your boyfriend or if he often tells you things, like, “I wish you were more like (someone)” or “You’re not that type of woman,” this means he’s telling you what type of person he wants you to be rather than accepting and cherishing you for who you are.

How Do You Deal With A Toxic Boyfriend?

If you’re in a relationship with a toxic boyfriend, the best thing you can do to save yourself from his manipulation and games is to put an end to the relationship and move on with your life. However, breaking up with your partner can be tough, especially if you’re still in love with him.

So, if you’re well aware that your boyfriend is toxic, but you love him dearly and believe he might change, so you don’t want to break up with him, here are 6 ways you can deal with him.

1. Set Boundaries

When you’re in a relationship with a toxic boyfriend, setting firm boundaries in your relationship is crucial if you want to decrease the impact his behavior has on you. Make sure he knows how you want and deserve to be treated. Make sure he respects your feelings, needs, and desires. Make sure he knows you have no intention of tolerating being treated like a second option.

2. Understand That The Way He Treats You Has Nothing To Do With You

If your boyfriend’s behavior makes you feel sad, insecure, or bad about yourself, don’t blame yourself for that. Remember, the way a toxic person behaves towards you is a reflection of their own insecurities and struggles. That has nothing to do with you, and you can’t control their actions. You can only control how you feel and react and whether you’ll allow someone’s toxic behavior to undermine your self-esteem and hurt your feelings.

3. Call Him Out On His Behavior

If your boyfriend said or did something that hurt your feelings, don’t keep quiet about it, and don’t hold grudges against him. Instead, talk to him about it. Let him know that his behavior upset you and ask him why he behaved the way he did. In this way, he’ll know you’re hurt, and if he truly loves you and cares about you, he won’t let himself treat you in the same way again.

4. Turn To Your Support System

Don’t be ashamed or afraid to talk to your friends or family about your relationship problems. Instead, tell them what you’re going through and ask them what they think of the way your boyfriend treats you. Because your loved ones are able to look at your situation objectively, they may help you get out of the habit of looking at your partner and relationship through a rose-colored lens. Remember, the people who love you genuinely have your best interests at heart, and if there’s something they don’t like about your boyfriend or relationship, they won’t be hesitant to tell you that.

5. Don’t Play Into Their Reality

When your boyfriend treats you poorly, you might feel tempted to pretend that everything is okay or even smile or nod so as not to provoke his anger. While this may appear like a safe and easy option, know that not reacting at all when someone treats you with disrespect can make them think that you’re okay with the way they treat you.

So, instead of pretending that everything is okay, nodding, or smiling at your boyfriend when he is rude or mean towards you, let him know you don’t approve of the way he treats you. Your disagreement and dissatisfaction might upset him, but it might also decrease the likelihood of him treating you the same way again.

6. Put Yourself First

When you’re in a relationship with a toxic person, it’s easy to start feeling like you’re responsible for your partner’s emotional stability. You can easily begin thinking that you should always be there to support your boyfriend and help him overcome his problems. But there’s one thing you need to remember: Just because you appreciate and care a lot about your relationship with this person doesn’t mean you need to prioritize his needs and desires over your own. It doesn’t mean you need to do all the giving in your relationship. Unless you prioritize your overall well-being over anything else, you’ll never be able to deal with a toxic partner successfully.