Home Love & Relationships 8 Red Flags You’re In A Relationship With A Controlling, Toxic Guy

8 Red Flags You’re In A Relationship With A Controlling, Toxic Guy

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We all want to find that one person with whom we’ll experience genuine, pure, raw, once-in-a-lifetime kind of love. The person who will accept and cherish us exactly the way we are. The person who will be able to understand our insecurities and fears and who will be willing to help us overcome them.

We all want to find that one person who will make us feel warm when it’s cold, safe and supported when others criticize us, strong when we feel weak, and important when we doubt our worth.

We all want to find that one person with whom we’ll form a close, deep bond – a bond that will last a lifetime. But, not everyone is lucky enough to find that person.

Unfortunately, some people end up in poor, troubled, toxic relationships. Some people end up in a relationship with a person who takes their happiness away and sucks all the energy out of them. Someone who brings distress and emotional pain into their life instead of joy and a sense of fulfillment. Someone who is controlling and radiates toxicity.

Do you have a nagging suspicion that the guy you’re currently in a relationship with fits this description? Well, if he displays most of the following 8 behaviors, know that your suspicions are well-founded – he is controlling and toxic.

1. He makes you a scapegoat for all your relationship problems.

Controlling and toxic people never show their true colors at the beginning of a relationship. Instead, they pretend like they’re the most mature, most decent, and most responsible person you can ever meet. But, once you fall deeply in love with them, their mask falls down and they start showing their true face.

This is exactly what you’re going through in your relationship. You’re having trouble understanding how your partner has managed to turn from someone who was so sweet, compassionate, and loving into someone who makes you a scapegoat for everything that goes wrong in your relationship.

Whenever he makes a mistake or says something hurtful to you,  he lays the blame at your door for it. Instead of admitting his mistakes and taking personal responsibility for his bad actions, he makes you feel like it’s your fault.

Even when you did make a mistake, he doesn’t bother to assure you that he’s not mad at you for it and that you can correct it. Instead, he rubs your nose in it. 

2. He avoids committing to you.

He has no problem telling you “I love you” every single day, but he’s always coming up with excuses as to why not to commit to you. He feeds your hope with all kinds of big promises and grandiose stories about his love for you to keep you hooked.

When you’re in a relationship with this kind of guy, you can’t help but keep hoping that one day he’ll finally feel ready to commit to you. You keep fantasizing about the wedding party you two are going to have, the big house you’re going to live in and the kids you’re going to have. But, chances are that this big dream of yours is never going to come true.

3. He makes snide comments about your vulnerable sides.

The man who truly loves you and cares about you will never criticize you for or make fun of your weaknesses and fears. He’ll never call you “overly sensitive” when he notices you’re crying at a sad movie. He’ll never accuse you of being “dramatic” or “paranoid” when you get jealous because you found some “suspicious” messages from another woman on his phone. He’ll never make you feel weak or needy when you get emotional around him.

So, if your guy treats you in the opposite way, please, know that you’re not weak, you’re not unimportant, and there’s nothing wrong with you. He’s just toxic and unable to see your worth.

4. He keeps you waiting for him for hours to respond to your texts.

He can always find time to update his statuses on Facebook, but he rarely finds time to answer your calls or respond to your texts. When you try to complain to him about this, he’s always ready to come up with all kinds of excuses as to why he’s keeping you waiting for him for hours to text you back.

Usually his most commonly used excuse is: “Oh, I’m sorry, honey, I didn’t answer your call this morning because I was busy doing …” Yes, he always has more important things to do than answer or return your calls.

But, the truth is that the person who truly cares about you will never be too busy to talk to you. They will always find time to text you back or return your call.

5. He avoids solving your relationship problems.

Don’t worry, babe. There’s nothing wrong. This is something your guy tells you whenever you two have problems within the relationship. Instead of discussing your relationship problems with you and joining your efforts to solve them, he acts like everything is fine between you.

Instead of asking why you are worried when he notices that you’re upset, he tells you that it’s all in your head and that you have nothing to worry about. He makes you feel like you’re crazy and like you’re making things up.

But, here’s the truth: If he isn’t interested in resolving the problems that threaten to destroy your  relationship, it means he isn’t interested in you and your feelings either.

6. He only spends time with you when he wants.

When he needs your support or when he needs you to do him a favor, he always finds time to hang out with you. But, when you are the one who needs his help or support, he’s nowhere to be found.

When you call him on the phone because you want to talk to him about something important, he either returns your call after an hour or two or he doesn’t call you back at all. Why? Because your worries and problems are simply not his concern.

7. He rarely fulfills his promises.

When he’s alone with you, he tells you that he wants to introduce you to his family and friends, he wants to take you to that new restaurant that you’ve been talking about for ages and telling him that you’d like to visit, he wants you two to do this and that, but as soon as he leaves, he forgets about his promises. They turn into dust. It’s like they were never uttered. Why?

Because they were never real. They were never honest. They were just hollow, false promises.

8. He won’t let go of you.

Even if you try to end the relationship and leave him, he’ll do everything in his power to convince you to stay. But, no, don’t fool yourself. This is not because he’s madly in love with you. It’s because he doesn’t want to be deprived of his backup plan. He doesn’t want to lose the person who is always there for him and who makes him feel like he’s the most loved, respected, and important person in the world.

But, let me tell you something: If he succeeds in convincing you to stay with him, know he’ll never change and your relationship will never improve. Everything will just go back to how it was.