As convinced one may be, relationships do not go bad overnight. There are always subtle, very destructive behavioral patterns that slowly erode the love between the partners and sometimes do irreversible damage. Because all of our behavioral patterns are direct result of our thoughts, thus negative and toxic thoughts result in negative behavior that eventually turns our luck into tears.
Here are 9 toxic thoughts and theirs correspondent attitudes and behavior that can severely damage the happiness for both partners beyond the point of turning back.
Remember, for a relationship takes two, but for a disaster it takes only one. I hope these thoughts will help you understand what not to think, if you do what things to work out for the best.
1. “Always or never”
This is when you think of your partner as always being the one massing things up, or he never does anything right. If you want to be with someone, try not to be so judgmental, because you too might make a mistake once in a while, but that doesn’t mean that till the end of the time you’ll do it wrong. So speak to each other and organize the chores better, by your own capabilities, this way you will know who is capable of what.
2. Mind reading and overactive imagination
This happens when you turn into a mind reader that assume always to know the answers, and more importantly always to be right about it, no matter what the facts says. This definitely kills the patience of the other to explain what actually has happened and the relationship too. So, instead of playing psychic you should actually start listening and paying attention to the facts, not to your imagination.
3. Expecting your partner to be a mind reader
This is the other extreme, when you don’t say anything, but assume that your partner is a gifted mind reader and shall know every wish of yours. This, truthfully, never happens and you start a fight just because you didn’t bother to speak out any word, but did assume that your partner already knows it. Try speaking out or showing him what to do, it will bring better results then to wait for a magical moment of your partners enlightenment.
4. Criticism and labeling names
This is bigger than just blaming the other, but it means that you have already made a strong opinion about your partners personality and ability. This is the point in the relationship when instead of trying to fix things, you start labeling each other and mostly with no good names. This never brings solution, just bigger frustration.
5. Unrealistic expectations
It is very normal to get into a relationship with some expectations, usually a good ones, but in due time one of the partners could evolve into being overly demanding. This happens when one of you starts putting unrealistic expectations on your wish list. This could easily be a mind game, a sort of subtle manipulation for the other partner to take all the responsibility.
6. “Control freak” due to catastrophic conclusions
These are the thoughts when we constantly think that our partner will never, ever do something right and everything will go down the drain. With such an attitude all negative events, no matter how small, are being so exaggerated that we take the total control over every decision in the relationship and we don’t even let our partner do anything by him/herself.
7. “The cat and mouse” game
This is very tricky mind game when you start assuming what would your partner do and try to beat him ahead. But because most of these assumptions are not realistic we end up doing the same negative thing, we try to prevent! And before you end up alone and miserable by your own doings, please do check if your thoughts and fears have realistic foundations.
You should never compare your partner with your former ones, or with the ones your friends have. This is one of the main reason we start making assumptions at all! Remember, everyone is different and has his own good and bad sides, you never know what is inside your partner’s heart if you don’t speak and listen to him. So don’t compare him/her until you know what he/she is truly like.
“stonewalling” is when you start creating defensive thoughts, in advance, that lead to overly protective attitude, so you don’t get hurt. Don’t do this, don’t project your former fears and experiences into the new relationship. Leave the past to the past, if you put a wall around you might be safe from the pain, but you’ll turn down the happiness too.
Word of advice – if the relationship is worth saving, change your thoughts and you’ll change yourself, but if you are really unhappy change the relationship.