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A Simple Guide To How To Truly Forgive Someone And Let Go Of The Pain

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When someone does you wrong, it can be really difficult to get over it and move on. Regardless of whether someone has hurt you and broken your trust unintentionally or deliberately,  forgiveness may be the last thought that crosses your mind.

Of course, when you get mistreated or experience the pain of betrayal, you’re initially hit with lots of strong, negative emotions. You feel confused, disappointed, angry, and hurt, and you don’t know how to deal with the situation properly. But that’s totally fine. As a matter of fact, you don’t have to do anything at that point.

However, holding on to those feelings of anger, resentment, and hatred is debilitating and it’ll unavoidably disempower you if you keep on allowing these negative feelings and thoughts to occupy space in your head. Letting go of them is the only way you can achieve peace, heal your wounds, and move on.

Therefore, you need to understand that forgiveness is a resolution you make for yourself, and yourself alone. Forgiveness is not about forgiving the person who’s done you wrong and forgetting the damage they’ve done to you. Forgiveness is liberating yourself from the desire to pay someone back and hurt them for hurting you.

Forgiveness is liberating your soul from bitterness, hatred, and sadness. It’s healing yourself and letting yourself grow emotionally and spiritually. It’s the key to inner peace and freedom. It’s a sign of loving and valuing yourself enough to move on.

So, how can you truly forgive someone and let go of the pain?

According to Dr. Robert Enright, a psychologist and a pioneer in the social scientific study of forgiveness, you can achieve that by following these 8 steps:

1. First things first, choose to forgive.

Enright says: “People should not be forced into forgiving. I think it’s important that people are drawn to it.”

You can never truly forgive the person who’s wronged you by forcing yourself to do that. The only way you can achieve that is by willingly making a choice to forgive them.

2. Let the anger out of you.

Struggling with feelings of anger, disappointment, and sadness is normal when you get betrayed and hurt by someone. But, holding on to them for a long period of time or trying to ignore them only makes these feelings intensify.

Therefore, you need to release all the pent-up rage and resentment so as to heal and move forward.

3. Make a list of every person that has done you wrong.

Make a list of every person who has caused you damage in some way, and then order the names beginning with who has harmed you the most. Then, begin to forgive the individuals from the bottom of the list and proceed to the top of the list.

4. Think about the other person from a different perspective.

Think about whether the person who’s done you wrong was also harmed in any way? And if so, is there any chance that their pain contributed to yours?

5. Acknowledge that the other person is a human being like you.

There’s no such person who doesn’t make mistakes. Both you and the person who has wronged you were born into this world and you’re both going to leave it someday. You both feel pain when you’re cut. And they’re likely to have been hurt at some point in their life as well. So, try to show more understanding of them.

6. Accept the pain.

When you get disregarded, cheated, or betrayed by someone, especially if that person is someone very close to you, it’s completely normal to feel pain at that point. But instead of dwelling on it or trying to suppress it, try to accept it.

Pain is an important part of the process of healing and forgiveness. Moreover, it makes you stronger and ultimately lets you move on.

7. Reflect and rediscover yourself.

When you finally let go of the pain, the reflection period starts. During this period, you’ll find your strength and happiness, and you’ll be able to focus more on what’s going well in your life.

8. Repeat the whole process.

Every time you need to forgive someone who’s hurt you, repeat the process. If you always practice the act of forgiveness, you’ll see that in no time, you will have forgiven every person who has wronged you and live a more fulfilling and satisfying life.