Arguing can be a real bummer, especially when it’s with your sweetheart. Well, it turns out that you shouldn’t get too discouraged about it, as in fact, it can be the secret recipe to a successful relationship.
Simply said, if you care about someone, you will want to intervene when there’s a problem. And when that’s mutual, you most likely will end up in an argument. Arguments are healthy for a relationship because they serve to point out and solve the problems which obstruct healthy communication and coexistence.
Dr. Pam Spurr, a relationship expert, agrees that bickering can indeed be a positive sign in a relationship. As she tells the HuffPost, it shows that the partners care about each other even if they feel annoyed toward one another.
Holding a disagreement down in yourself will eventually fester into a strong disassociation with and resentment toward your significant other. Arguments help this feeling to emerge to the surface and let you vent these deep feelings and disagreements.
Facing the problem head-on leads to a mutual consensus and a solution to it. By bringing up an argument, the partners literally fight for the relationship to stay balanced and healthy, as the reason behind the argument creates this imbalance which can eventually ruin the relationship.
However, there are two kinds of arguing – constructive and destructive. If you manage to keep your argument to the point and aim toward solving a problem, then you shouldn’t worry too much. Then, there are those whose fights lead nowhere and bring up old topics.
To make sure that your arguments are there to help out with instead of destroying your relationship, there are some DO’s and DON’T’s you should pay attention to:
DO take 10: Fights can really heat you up to the point where you might say something you’ll regret. In such cases, it’s better that you say that you need to retreat calm down in the next room.
DON’T get stuck on one issue: If you find yourselves bickering over the same issue over and over again, it’s better to just sit down when you’ve calmed down and try to resolve it once and for all.
DO stick to the point: Bringing up other topics while you’re arguing leads nowhere. It’s better to focus on that one problem, rather than losing yourselves in a sea of problems.
DON’T get personal: Remember that your argument revolves around a certain problem – stick to that and don’t start throwing in insults, threats, and things you’ll later regret.
DO manage your ‘make-up’ expectations: When making up, be affectionate and don’t create unrealistic expectations from your partner.
DON’T mention the ‘D’ word (divorce): Research has shown that once this word is actually brought up, the relationship can start sliding downhill.
As Dr. Spurr says, it’s rare for a couple to be 100% harmonious, and fighting is an effort to reach that harmony. However, if couples never fight, it may reveal that there’s a lack of care for one another. So, if you care, make sure you bring up whatever’s bothering you and don’t forget to respect your partner.