It Is Almost 2018 And This Time I Am Finally Letting You Go

Losing you was not a one-time incident. I have been losing you every single time I had a shattering and hollow feeling inside while watching you leave. I have been losing you every time I went back reminiscing about times when I’ve given my best to make the relationship work, and yet you always managed to slip right through my fingers.

And at nights like these, my unreliable mind still recalls your gestures, your voice, all the small things that you did that once meant the world to me, and now are only reminders of what I have lost and can’t have it back.

A stormy sky reminds me of you because you were a storm. And I was an aftermath. Everything happened so fast between us, just like a storm that comes unexpected but impacts you deeply – leaving you vulnerable and excited at the same time.

People say to me that things will be better and that the sun will eventually come out again. But I don’t believe in that.

I believe that things will get better when you decide to take the matter in your hands; when you accept the truth no matter how hard it can be, and when you finally come to terms with the fact that certain things have to end and that you are ready to open new doors.

Because, the thing is, everything in our life is a choice. We choose to love, to cheat, to break hearts, to mend them, to apologize, and to forgive and forget.

And deciding to leave and forget you was like existing in both storms and clear skies. Because you were both – a calm sea and devious waves at the same time. A survival and a catastrophe happening all at once.

You’ve knocked down the walls I’ve built over the years to protect myself. Others say that it is inevitable that two people sharing an intimate relationship will leave a mark to one another, but they never say that these marks are actually deep scars. And they will stay with me forever.

Now, when I look back to the old happy days, I am feeling regret because we were perfect back then, and everything was going so smoothly that it came as a shock to me when things started to fall apart. Without warnings. Without any signs suggesting that our relationship is about to be shattered in pieces.

And now I release you. I reached a pain threshold and I decided to release you from all this constant confusion and embitterment.

I won’t chase someone that doesn’t want to stay. Because you can’t keep someone that doesn’t want to be kept. I am leaving you behind. I am finally moving away from the storm for good.

This is me, saying goodbye, releasing you, and wishing you all the best. I loved you, and I hope you will be loved again. But this time, not by me.