People-pleasers are nice, agreeable and avoid confrontation and conflicts. They always put other people’s needs before theirs. The people pleaser is ready to say “yes” even when deep inside they’re “no”; even when they feel sad, angry, or think they deserve more.
People-pleasers just want to be likeable and make other people happy. What can be so bad about it?
A friend of mine got the job of her dreams. However, the boss treated her poorly. He didn’t keep his promises to pay her a salary after the training. She worked very hard and waited patiently.
One day, she went to ask him what’s happening. He started to find excuses and complained about the bad financial situation of the company. He asked her to stay a bit more promising that he would pay her.
She couldn’t say “no”. She couldn’t help herself but stay. He was taking her good-heartedness for granted… until she stood up for herself. After that, the boss gave her a great offer, but she didn’t accept it. Even though she struggled to find a job, she overcame her fear and felt relieved.
Yes, on the surface, this trait seems positive; However, the habit of pleasing people is harmful to yourself and your relationships.
Do you find yourself in the description above? Do you always put people’s needs before yours? Do you sweat about not to upset or offend someone? If your answer is “yes”, then, you should learn how to stand up for yourself. Here is how.
Learn to say “No”.
And don’t feel guilty about it. You’re not selfish because you’re taking care of your own needs! It’s ok to disagree. You have your own thoughts, opinions, and feelings…express them freely and stand up for yourself.
Say “No” to everything that threatens your peace of mind.
Set clear boundaries.
These healthy boundaries will help you to stay focused on yourself and your well-being. For example, set a time limit for when you’re available to help, don’t check your emails regularly. Keep your distractions to a minimum.
Don’t let people manipulate and take advantage of you.
Learn to deal with conflicts.
No matter if it’s about your friend, boss, family member, confronting someone is uncomfortable. However, you shouldn’t hide your feelings and pretend like you’re not hurt and nothing happened. Don’t fear rejection and remember: It’s not about hurting people but honoring your worth.
It’s not easy but will bring you relief.
Stop apologizing for everything.
You’re a human being and make mistakes. Everyone does. Don’t apologize for being you. Be kind, not nice.
Love yourself and remember: No matter what you do, it’s impossible to please everyone. Not everyone will like or understand you, and that’s fine. You don’t need to make them accept you.
Stand up tall. You are a wonderful person who deserves to be treated with respect. Treat people with love, but don’t be a doormat.
“When you say “yes” to others, make sure you aren’t saying “no” to yourself.” – Paulo Coelho