I spent 4 years emotionally torturing a good man by staying with him and telling him I love you, but never fully choosing him.
And what exactly is choosing about?
Choosing is about telling yourself why you’re with him/her currently, what made you fall in love with in the first place and why is it that you can’t even imagine the two of you not being together.
Choosing is about knowing that whatever problems and pain you’re going through, you’ll always have that one person to rely on.
Choosing is what tells you that you love to have the person you’re with by your side. That you love their face to be the first thing you see in the morning and the last one before you go to sleep.
Choosing is about loving someone and about never stopping irrespective of how many years pass.
But I wasn’t aware of this then.
But you know, I really wanted to be with him. He possessed all the qualities I’ve always looked for in a man. He was smart, beautiful, and with a great sense of humor. He was kind, compassionate, and patient. He treated me with lots of love, affection, and respect.
He could make my eyes beam with happiness and my entire body tremble at his touch. When he looked at me, my heart filled with warmth and joy I can find no words to explain.
He was all I needed.
And I loved him. Oh, I loved him intensely. But…
Well, you know, when you’re young and not that experienced, you don’t know how to love truly and properly. When you’re young, you easily get tired of things or even people. And that was my fault.
I didn’t know how to love him the right way. I acted immaturely. Although I knew what a brilliant, loving, and devoted man he was, I would often think to myself if there was another man out there who would love me better and who would be easier to love as well. And as time passed and that thought ran more and more through my head, I started to appreciate him less and less.
I chose him less and less. I stayed with him, but I didn’t choose him every day. It was a torture for both of us.
And not choosing him turned into my habit and I wasn’t even aware of it.
Instead of focusing on his virtues and merits, I only saw his weaknesses and faults. I saw his insecurities, fears, demands, jealousy, anger. And the more I focused on his bad sides, the more I saw of them and the more the gap between us widened.
And choosing him would have meant focusing and appreciating all his qualities that were the greatest gifts someone has ever given to me: his kindness and compassion, his laughter and sense of humor, his passion and comforting hugs, his companionship and loyalty.
But I wasn’t grateful for these gifts. I let his bad sides outweigh the good ones and the latter were greater in number and more important. But, I was blind, I was stupid for not seeing that.
And now I realize, however, that he was angry because he felt I wasn’t choosing him. He felt that in my words and actions. He feared I would abandon him.
In fact, that’s exactly what I did. I abandoned him by not fully choosing him every day for four years and by focusing on his faults rather than on what I loved about him.
I abandoned him in countless ways. I made the relationship a torture for both of us.
But I promised myself that I’ll never make the same mistake again. When I fall in love with another man, I’ll choose him every day.
And you, if you’re in a relationship, please, make sure you don’t make the mistake I made. I suggest you ask yourself why you’re choosing him/her. If you can’t find a satisfactory answer right away, wait. Don’t make hasty decisions. Dig deeper inside.
Ask yourself the same question again the following day. And if too many days pass and you still can’t tell why you’re choosing him/her then you know what you have to do – let them go!
Let them go and create an opportunity for another person to appear and see them with a yearning heart. Show them that you’re willing to put in the effort and maintain the relationship.
Choose them enthusiastically every single day because they deserve it. You deserve the same as well.
Riley Cooper is a professional writer who writes informative and creative articles on topics related to various fields of study. Written with love and enthusiasm, her articles inspire readers to broaden their knowledge of the world, think and get ready to act. If you have a general question or comment please fill out the form and we will get back to you as soon as possible https://curiousmindmagazine.com/contact-us/