Some people feel lonelier than others do, and sometimes it stays with some more than others do. However, the reason behind the phenomenon may not always be obvious.
Judith Orloff, author of the New York Times bestseller Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life, explains lonliness from a medical and personal perspective.
Orloff explains her experience with emotionally sensitive individuals who are constantly seeking long-term relationship and real connections with others, yet choose to remain single nonetheless.
The main reason behind this is the overwhelming effects it has on them, unfortunately. They choose to be lonely rather than overwhelmed.
She states, “The reason isn’t simply that there aren’t enough emotionally available people ‘out there,” nor is their burnout”neurotic. Personally and professionally, I’ve discovered that something more is going on.”
Empathic individuals are a rare and often misunderstood breed. They are not like everyone else who can go on nurturing relationships the “normal” way, if you will. They become smothered quite quickly and tend to run off to their safe space.
According to Orloff, empaths easily absorb their partner’s energy and may instantaneously become exhausted. It is not that they do not enjoy their partner’s company; it goes deeper than that.
When spending time with someone, they engross their energy fifty times more than the average person, which in turn gets them to burn out if they do not tune out.
The thing that most people do not understand about empaths, including themselves, is that they unintentionally become emotionally unavailable to others and avoid relationships overall.
It is not that they are not ready or unwilling. It is simply too much to handle at times. For them to be able to fully function in relationships, they must distance themselves from those around them in order to function properly.
However, the distance does not stop there. Empaths absorb everyone’s energies, which means they need space and distance from everyone around them. This include their friends, loved ones, partners and even strangers.
This is not something they have chosen, but rather something that has chosen them and the only way to cope is healthy distance.
Everyone has energetic boundaries that they prefer not to be crossed, not only empaths. Therefore, they should be communicated properly and in a timely manner to avoid discomfort. Communication is the element to this being successful.
Relationship Advice for Empaths
Try to Assign Personal Space
Empaths can only function properly in a relationship if even space is given to them, not only emotionally, but also physically. Try to assign either a room or an extra bathroom to “escape” when necessary. Even if you have a closet to crawl into when need be, make sure you communicate this.
How to Communicate
Once you are in a relationship, communication is key, especially for empaths. Be sure to speak out about your sensitive nature and if you are with the right person, they will understand. This way, you can embrace it instead of hide it.
Desired Sleeping Styles
Most couples sleep in the same bed, while empaths have a hard time getting used to this. As mentioned, they need their own sleeping space in order to get a good night’s sleep. None of this is personal, just a preference on their end to feel more comfortable. All of this needs to be communicated with the other side in order to avoid misunderstandings.
Taking Brief Breaks
For most couples, asking for a short break may indicate that something is wrong in the relationship. However, for empaths, this is the best and most sure way to secure the relationship on a longer front. Empaths feel everything a lot more intensely than others, so it only makes sense that they need time to regroup.
Orloff shares that in her experience, she has notices this approach especially beneficial, so much so that it has even saved certain marriages from breaking apart.
This approach to taking short breaks allows the relationship to flourish, as empaths will feel safer and closer to their partner this way. This has been proven to work even with the most cautious empaths.
When traveling together with a partner, make sure you communicate space needs accordingly. The space issues do not end when empaths leave the house. Unfortunately, they follow them everywhere, including on trips.