Here’s How You Can Overcome Codependency In Your Relationship

We enter relationships with the idea that when we’re genuinely in love with someone, we put their feelings, needs, and desires before ours. We enter relationships with the idea that we should make our partner’s happiness our business.

And we’re right about this since true love is unselfish. When you and your partner love each other honestly, deeply, and unconditionally, you’re willing to make compromises and sacrifices for each other’s happiness. You do your best to be there for each other.

Indeed, there’s nothing more powerful and magical than when you know your partner loves you selflessly and unconditionally.

So, yes, putting your partner’s needs before your own and feeling free leaning on them for everything is the right way you behave when you’re truly in love. But, when you always put your significant other first in your relationship at the expense of your own mental, emotional, and physical health and you lose yourself in it, you’re very likely to become codependent.

What you need to remember is that there’s a huge difference between relying on someone to be there for you and depending on someone. There’s a great difference between sacrificing your needs for someone’s happiness and completely giving up on yourself.

The first parts of these two sentences describe what a healthy, happy relationship looks like and the second parts describe one which is codependent – one which can be quite difficult and painful. One which prevents both you and your partner from being truly happy in your relationship.

Here are 5 effective ways you can overcome codependency in your relationship:

1. Stop forgetting to take care of yourself first.

Stop forgetting to treat yourself with the kindness, patience, and compassion you treat your partner. Stop forgetting to show yourself the respect and love you show your partner.

Because by always putting your significant other first in your relationship, i.e. prioritizing their feelings, needs, desires, and problems over your own, you’ll end up losing yourself.

To prevent this from happening, you need to start putting yourself first on your list of priorities. You need to make maintaining your emotional, mental, and physical health your number one priority. Because only when you love and take care of yourself, will you be able to love and take care of others.

2. Stop thinking that your relationship defines your happiness.

Stop thinking that being in a relationship with someone is the only thing that can bring happiness and a sense of fulfillment into your life. Because when you think that your relationship shapes your happiness, you begin investing all of your energy in and devoting all of your love to a relationship which is imbalanced, unhealthy, and, in fact, damaging to you.

Moreover, using your relationship as the main source that can provide you with security and increase your self-esteem places your partner under pressure. It might even lead them to consider you clingy or needy.

What you need to do is start perceiving your relationship as just one tiny piece of the many things which can make your life happy, fulfilling, and exciting. Your friends, your ambitions, and your hobbies are just as worthy of your time and attention as dating someone.

3. Stop thinking that emotional intimacy can only be experienced in romantic relationships.

Your friendships and the relationships you have with members of your family and even coworkers can be as emotionally fulfilling as your romantic relationships.  Your best friends and family can give you their help and support when your life gets difficult.  

They can give you all the space you need to be open and vulnerable. They can boost your self-esteem when you doubt your qualities and strength. They can make you feel fulfilled and respected. Indeed, they can do all of this because they are the people who truly love you and care about you.

4. Stop avoiding to spend some time on your own.

Wanting to spend some time alone doesn’t mean that you’re trying to avoid spending time with your partner or that you’re not in love with them. Instead, it shows that you feel the need to reflect on your needs, priorities, and wishes. It shows that you feel the need to reconsider your decisions and reexamine your goals.

It shows you feel the need to connect with your inner self and see if you’re where you’ve always wanted to be in your life. It shows that you feel the need to recharge your batteries so that you’re able to invest more of your energy and time in your relationship.

5. Stop putting everything in your life on pause for your partner.

One thing you should remember is that when you begin giving up on the things that mean to you so that you can spend more time with your partner, you’ll inevitably give up on yourself on many levels: doing everything in your power to please your partner; avoiding to confront them when they treat you badly; allowing them to hurt your feelings and forgiving them time and time again.

To prevent this from happening, make sure behaviors, such as canceling on your friends to spend time with your partner or giving up your goals and passions so that your bae doesn’t feel neglected don’t become a habit.