Home Psychology Here’s Why Introverts Hate Small Talk But Love Talking About Important Things 

Here’s Why Introverts Hate Small Talk But Love Talking About Important Things 


Introverts don’t like being engaged in small talks. Any conversation that is not mentally stimulating is not a subject of their interest. They prefer talking only about important things. 

It has become common knowledge that introverts hate small talks. By small talk, they define any conversation that happens when it would be rude for someone to remain silent.

This involves talking about the weather, or any other unimportant things while you are standing next to a stranger waiting for something, so they try to make small talk to make the time pass faster.   

However, knowing that introverts hate to be engaged in this kind of talk, it might be easily interpreted as introverts hate talking in general. This is not the case. Introverts like to talk, but they like to talk only about important things.

So, what are the important things that introverts like to talk about? And why do they hate and avoid small talk?

They hate small talk because it doesn’t engage their brain.

It is true for every introvert that when they find themselves in an elevator, for example, or any other place where they are obligated to be close to a stranger – introverts prefer to remain silent for the time being.

They won’t be offended if the other person chooses to be silent too. In fact, they prefer that. However, often, the other person would feel obligated to say something to fill the silence because they think it is only polite.

In other words, introverts don’t hate when people talk WITH them; they hate it when people talk TO them.

There is the difference. When you talk with someone, you engage in meaningful communication with a topic that interests both parties. When you talk to someone, on the other hand, you do that to fill a conversation gap with something trivial and unimportant that requires little or no reciprocation at all.

When someone says something like “Oh, it is so cold today,” there isn’t anything that can be added to it except “Yeah.”

And there is the problem for introverts – they feel that their brain is not engaged nor it could be engaged in a conversation like that.

On the other hand, if we imagine a situation when an introvert finds oneself in an elevator with a stranger, the introvert would most likely be flipping through its phone without paying attention to the person next to them.

If the other person, however, says something like: “My daughter died in an elevator accident. Sorry if I seem too overwhelmed and emotional,” this would immediately gather up the interest of the introvert. A variety of question will start popping up on their mind, like: How did she die? How long ago? How old was she?  

This statement is not meaningless and allows further engagement on the topic. The introvert can choose whether to engage in the conversation or not. Either way, the introvert gets the necessary mental stimulation that he/she needs.

In comparison, if the person says something in the lines of “What a beautiful day. I wish I didn’t have to go to work,” there isn’t anything left for the introvert to say except to nod along and agree.

When it comes to conversating, introverts are meat-eaters.

If we imagine that conversation is like a sandwich, then the small talk would be the bread, and the meat in it along with all its juices would be the most important part of the conversation – the deep topics.  

Not surprisingly, the introverts would skip out the bread and jump right to the meat!

All in all, introverts crave meaningful and mentally stimulating conversations. They also want honesty, because they are honest themselves. They want to know what motivates people at their core, what they love, what they fear…

They give meaning, but they expect to get meaning from you too.

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