Here’s Why We Are Attracted To Someone Who Is Wrong For Us

Attraction is the principal reason a romantic relationship is created. Regardless of whether it’s an emotional attraction or physical one, it’s the factor that causes two individuals to feel magnetically drawn to each other.

When the attraction is not genuine, once the honeymoon phase ends, couples usually break up. But, when a genuine attraction is established between two individuals, love takes over and feelings such as loyalty and commitment begin to develop.

So, the question is: What causes us to feel attraction for someone who is not right for us in the first place?

In what follows, we presented five possible reasons why you might get attracted to someone who is wrong for you and who is likely to break your heart:

1. You think they need your help to change.

This is probably the primary reason why a lot of people decide to stay in troubled, toxic relationships. They care about the other person and if they notice that they have some personal problems, let’s say they are emotionally unstable, they wrongly believe that they can help them deal with their issues and in turn change.

If you too happen to be in this kind of relationship, please know that it’s not your responsibility to ‘fix’ or change anyone. If your partner truly loves you, they, themselves, will make an effort to solve their problems, get out of their bad habits, and change.

Moreover, you need to know that some people simply don’t want to change.

2. You think you can see yourself in them.

You feel you’re connected to them on a deep emotional, mental, and spiritual level. You think that they understand you completely. You think they understand your feelings, your insecurities, your fears. You think they know your story. There is simply something about them which makes you think that you can see yourself in them.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this is not true. That intense infatuation and that strong connection have nothing to do with mutual understanding. Because no one can completely understand your issues nor you can understand theirs.

What you need to understand is that when someone has problems, they are not in a state to develop a healthy, harmonious, meaningful relationship. So, the best thing you can do to help them is to be there for them but as their friend, not as their partner. And if this hurts you, them, or both of you, then you should just leave them.

3. You think you’re the one to blame for your relationship problems.

When a relationship breaks down, couples generally take into consideration all the factors which may have caused the breakup, such as different time schedules, disagreements, or commitment issues.

But, when you’re in a toxic relationship, you change the way you perceive everything that happens between you and your partner. You begin thinking that you’re the one to blame for everything that goes wrong in your relationship. Even when you didn’t say or do anything wrong, the toxic person may easily convince you that some relationship problem is your fault.

But, what you need to know is that you can’t be the only person that’s responsible for your relationship problems. So, don’t blame yourself and don’t let your partner blame you for things that are not your fault.

After all, relationships should be based on mutual trust and respect and both partners should take personal responsibility for their actions. And if your partner doesn’t behave in accordance with these principles, then know that you’re definitely not in a healthy, happy relationship.

4. Others advise you to get back together with your partner.

It takes two to tango and it takes two to form a relationship as well. Add one more person to this, and it’ll all turn into a mess.

The thing is that your close friends and family don’t want to see you hurt. That’s why when you break up with someone, they usually advise you to get back together with your ex and give them another chance.

But, here’s the truth: A toxic person is a toxic person and  you can’t do anything to change that. By giving them another chance and hoping that they will change, you’ll hurt yourself even more.

5. You think that what you and your partner have is genuine love.

People often confuse love with infatuation, attraction, or longing. But, love in its truest and purest form has nothing to do with these three feelings or states.

Relationships are supposed to bring happiness, joy, and a sense of fulfillment into your life. But, if you are in a relationship which drains your energy, brings you stress and disappointment, and takes your happiness away, then what you and your partner have is certainly not genuine love.