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How to Rebuild Your Life in the Wake of a Breakup: An In-Depth Guide


Have you suffered a breakup? Where do you start to regain your foundation? Take a look at these suggestions to learn how to rebuild your life.

Breakups are a tough time for everyone and unfortunately, there’s a high chance you’ll experience one at some point during your life. In fact, 70% of relationships break up during their first year.

There are plenty of reasons for this, including a breakdown in communication or a lack of physical intimacy. But whatever the reason for your breakup, it can shake your sense of self-worth.

This is why it’s so important to take the time to understand how to rebuild your life after a relationship ends.

Heartbroken and not sure where to start? Then you’re in the right place. Read on to find out everything you need to know about finding self-worth after a breakup. 

A Total Overhaul Isn’t How to Rebuild Your Life

Often, after a breakup, it’s tempting to turn to massive changes in order to make your life feel like your own again.

This is totally understandable. You want to feel like you have ownership of your life and your experiences, free of your previous relationship. But wiping the slate clean isn’t the most effective way to rebuild yourself after a relationship. 

Stopping doing something you enjoy because a relationship ends actually means the breakup has a bigger impact on your life. It means that all of your choices are still based on the relationship rather than on what you want and need. And this allows it a lot of control over your life.

Sure, it’s important to take a break from things that feel too hard. For example, you might not immediately want to revisit the bar where you met. Or you might want to clear your partner’s old clothes out of your apartment.

But completely changing who you are and what you do means you aren’t being true to yourself. And in the long run, this will count against you as you start to rebuild your life.

Before you make a significant change, such as moving or spending a lot of money on an expensive holiday, think about why you want to do this. If you can honestly say you think it’ll help, then that’s fine.

But often, you’ll find yourself using huge gestures as a way to avoid thinking about your relationship. Doing something you’ll regret will only leave you feeling worse further down the line.

Try Something New

Okay, you shouldn’t sell your house or move to Tibet immediately after a breakup. But trying new things is a great way to put a positive spin on your newfound freedom.

Often, after a breakup, we find ourselves in freefall, which can feel scary. This is a great time to discover something new and pour our energy into it. So take the time to think about what you really want to do. 

This is an opportunity to reconnect with old friends, take up a new hobby, or revisit an old one. Have a think if there’s something you’ve always wanted to do but never felt you had the time for. This will make it feel like you’re doing something positive with your time, which is a great feeling.

Come to Terms With Your New Time

After a breakup, you often find yourself with more time on your hands than before and this can be hard to process.

Feeling like you have too much time to spend can make you feel like you’re wallowing. But cramming your day with too much stuff can leave you feeling burnt out. So take the time to find the right balance for you. 

Try to have a few plans in the diary for each week. This will help if you’re having a bad day and feeling lonely, as it’ll give you something to look forward to.

However, it’s also important to let yourself have down days and process what you feel. Sometimes, writing a tough day off and settling down with a movie and a friend is an important step in rebooting.

Accepting the time you have on your hands is an important part of coming to terms with your breakup. Seeing this as something you can make the most of can really help to move forward with your life. 

Accept That You’ll Feel Down

Often, when something emotionally devastating happens, our reaction is to fix it as quickly as possible. This is natural, as we feel like fixing something will make us feel better about it. 

However, it’s important to accept that during a breakup, you will have down days. In fact, you’ll probably have down weeks to start with! Ignoring these can be really damaging and make getting through them harder.

Don’t put pressure on yourself to feel happy when you’re struggling. Acknowledging the pain you feel after a breakup is an important part of how to find self-worth. This helps you recognize that all your feelings are valid.

Accepting this can be hard, especially if it feels like it’s going on for a long time. Take a minute to say to yourself, “I understand why I feel this and that’s ok.” Or you can write it down.

And don’t panic if a bad day suddenly hits you out of the blue. Sometimes, something might trigger you without you realizing it.

Try to pinpoint if anything has contributed to this feeling. Lack of sleep, stress, or illness can all leave you feeling more vulnerable. As time goes by, you’ll realize that the bad days get further and further apart.

Welcome Healthy Habits

When a partnership turns sour, it can be hard to know your worth. You may find that you start to neglect your own needs in favor of your partner’s to try and fix the relationship. 

This is why it’s important to show yourself some real love and care after a breakup. And welcoming healthy habits is a great way to do this.

Movies might encourage you to curl up under a blanket with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s, but doing this for too long could leave you feeling worse. Looking after your mind and body will help you feel stronger, even on a bad day. 

So take the time to get some exercise, even if it’s gentle. This releases endorphins that’ll naturally lift your mood and give you a sense of achievement. Similarly, nourishing your body properly will give you more energy to face the day.

Your physical health isn’t the only important thing to look after either. Taking time to destress is important for your mental health as well.

Meditating, deep breathing, and getting enough fresh air are great ways to relax. Or run yourself a nice bath and lie back with a book. Taking this type of time out will work wonders for your stress levels. 

Finally, make sure you’re getting plenty of sleep. To stay healthy, we all need at least eight hours of sleep every night. If you start feeling rough, take a moment to think about how much sleep you’ve had recently and rest up if you need it!

Keep Communicating

We’ve all been there after a breakup; it’s 1:00 a.m. and all you want to do is call your ex. Thanks to social media, keeping in contact with your ex is easier than ever now. In fact, over 70% of men and women have used the internet to look up an ex.

This type of communication isn’t going to have a positive influence on your life. To get over a breakup, a lot of people now favor the no contact technique. But this technique doesn’t mean you have to feel lonely.

Reaching out to friends and family is one of the most important things you can do during a breakup. This gives you somewhere to turn to during your bad days and will help to keep your diary full.

When you’re feeling vulnerable and insecure, reaching out can feel like one of the hardest things to do. To feel more confident about this, try to see the situation from their perspective. If they were feeling horrible after a breakup, you’d want to be there for them, wouldn’t you? 

This will make it a lot easier to reach out.

Make sure you’re honest with your nearest and dearest as well. No one expects you to magically bounce back after a breakup. So they’ll all be ready for tearful conversations and late-night phone calls.

You Can Do This!

How to rebuild your life after a breakup is one of the most daunting tasks that we can face. Be honest with yourself during this process, but don’t be too hard on yourself if you have an off day. And surround yourself with people who love you and will pick you up when you fall down.

For more help to make your life the best it can be, check out the rest of our self-improvement blogs.