I Only Have Myself To Blame For Dating A Man I Knew Was The Wrong Person For Me

No matter how much we want and try to control every aspect of our lives, the truth is that this is impossible. For example, we can control our reactions, our emotions, and even whom we give our time and attention to. But, we can’t control who steals our hearts.

You can’t control who enters your heart and makes you feel in such ways that the thought of living without that person by your side hurts like hell.

You can’t tell your heart who to love. You can’t make your heart always make the right choices. And I know this the best because that’s exactly what happened to me.

I fell for a guy who was the wrong person for me. I fell deeply and madly in love with a guy who showed me the ugly, painful side of love.

I loved and dated the wrong guy because he made me feel in ways I’d never felt before he entered my life.

I felt understood when I talked to him. I felt happy when he was around. I felt safe and protected because I knew he’d always be there to protect me. He made my heart beat like crazy and my blood boil when he touched me. Yes, this is how I felt, unfortunately, only at the beginning of our relationship.

I loved and dated the wrong person although there were some pretty obvious signs that he’d make a sh*tty boyfriend even at the beginning of our relationship.

For example, his actions often made me doubt his words about how huge his love for me was. He didn’t bother to keep me waiting for ages for him to answer my calls and reply to my messages. He didn’t bother to keep all his promises.

I loved and dated the wrong guy although I knew that he had a troubled past.

I knew that he had a reputation as a flirtatious playboy. I knew he had disappointed many other girls and broken their hearts. But, I hoped that things would be different between us. I hoped we could make our relationship work. I hoped that he would see in me something he’d never seen in other girls.

I dated and made a priority someone who only saw me as an option. Why?

Because I was truly, madly, and selflessly in love with him. Because I wanted him to be happy and fulfilled. That’s why many a time, I put his feelings, needs, and wishes before my own. I put his happiness before my own.

I loved and dated someone who was immature and irresponsible.

No matter how many times he made a mistake or said something hurtful to me during an argument, he rarely apologized to me for it. No matter how many times he hurt my feelings with his actions, he’d always find a way to avoid taking responsibility for it. He’d always find a way to make me look and feel like I was the one who was to blame for whatever went wrong in our relationship. Nothing was ever his fault. He was simply …perfect.

Yes, I am ashamed to admit this, but it’s the truth-I gave my heart and soul to a man who didn’t even deserve a minute of my attention. A man who didn’t deserve me.

I know you’re wondering why I did this. Why I let all this happen to me.

I loved and dated the wrong guy because I believed he’d change.

I believed that in time, he’d start feeling about me the way I felt about him. I thought that his feelings for me would get deeper and stronger and that he’d begin committing to me. But all this was just wishful thinking. Oh, how foolish and naïve of me.

I dated the wrong man for me because I didn’t want to give up fighting for the person I loved from the bottom of my heart. I didn’t want to let everything we built together fall apart so easily. I didn’t want to let go of someone who meant the world to me – not without exhausting every way of saving our relationship.

But, I was wrong. I know that now. I know that I am the only one who is to blame for loving a man who was the wrong person for me.

But, you know what? I don’t regret it. And I am not ashamed of myself for it. Because all this was a valuable lesson that I had to learn the hard way. All this was a lesson that taught me that I should be extremely careful about who I let into my heart. It taught me that not everyone who swears that loves me really means that.

It taught me that love can sometimes be hard and painful and that not every person who says that truly loves me deserves a place in my heart.