Having expectations for marriage is exactly the same as having them for everything else. Setting them low won’t disappoint you, but it would also do nothing to strengthen your connection and maintain your relationship in the long run.
On the other hand, setting them high will probably result in a happy, successful marriage. But it would also leave you devastated and shattered if your relationship suddenly started changing for the worst. That is why it is very important to maintain the right balance in life.
A lot of newlyweds think that once they get married, their relationship will only improve, and they will only get happier and happier over time. But that’s not always the case. Surprisingly, according to researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, the most optimistic partners tend to show the greatest decline in marital satisfaction.
They tried to decide what is the best way to set your expectations for a satisfying and long-lasting marriage and they conducted a study. They had a few couples as their participants. The researchers analyzed the first four years and found that the couples were the happiest when their expectations match their abilities to meet them. When the partners exhibited strong communication skills, their happiness increased with their high expectations but decreased with their low expectations. On the other hand, when the couples exhibited poor interpersonal skills, they were the happiest when they didn’t try to reach their high expectations.
In conclusion, every relationship has these certain phases in which the couple cannot really meet their high expectations, no matter how much they try. For some is much more frequent than others, but in the end, the most important thing that you can do is recognize these fluctuations in your marriage and adjust your sails accordingly.
In other words, finding balance is the key to strengthening your relationship and maintaining a happy marriage. Being aware of you and your partner’s flaws and accepting each other regardless of them is the first step to reaching that balance. After that, everything is a lot easier.
So, here’s what.
Instead of aiming high and setting very high expectations for your marriage, try acknowledging the general dynamics of your relationship by accepting the strengths and the weaknesses that you two have. Being honest with yourself and with them will definitely help you decide how to proceed. If you are happy with where you are right now and you are working on your issues, you will surely benefit from setting your expectations high. But if you feel like you two need more time to work on your problems, it might be best for you to set your expectations lower than usual.
In the end, being aware of where you are in life and what you want from it are the most important factors that will eventually lead you to happiness and satisfaction.
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