It would be awesome to have someone to cuddle with, but I don’t feel I am ready to get into a relationship. Not yet. Relationships are often complicated. I would rather stay single than spend my life with someone who would lie, cheat on me, hurt my heart. I can’t take that risk.
1. I struggle with vulnerability.
I’m not one of those people who talk about their deepest secrets and fears. I’m locked inside a shell. I rarely share my opinions because I’m afraid that people may take me wrong. Maybe I don’t trust people. Maybe I can’t admit to myself that I need someone who will break all the high walls of my heart. Maybe I’m afraid that if I give my heart to someone, he will hurt me.
2. I’m afraid of being hurt.
I believe in love. Yes, I do, but love has thorns and hurts. I’m always expecting the worst and I’m not sure if I can handle pain. I’m too complicated to see the world through rose-colored glasses. Often, I ruin my chances to be happy just because of that. But that’s me; I’m just trying to be realistic.
3. Relationships are unpredictable.
No, relationships are not always sugar and sweets. I know that. But, I also know that I can’t survive all the fights and dramas in it. I don’t want to get hurt, and I don’t want to hurt others. Of course, I don’t expect it to be perfect as nothing is perfect, but I like to know where I stand and whether the relationship is worth fighting for.
4. I’m afraid of change.
Should I get in a relationship or not? Sometimes, I really want to have a boyfriend, but sometimes, I think it would be better for me to stay single. If I don’t try, I will blame myself for not being adventurous enough. If I get out of my comfort zone and experience a relationship that would be a total failure, it will be my fault again. I’m not sure whether I want a change.
5. I would sooner die of pride than show my weaknesses.
People don’t know the true version of myself. I don’t feel comfortable talking about myself and getting my soul naked in front of others. I’m afraid that the more a person gets to know me, they will notice my weaknesses. I know we all have them, but I’m afraid, they will reject me. I can’t handle being judged and rejected.
6. I’m afraid of dating the wrong person.
I have experienced many shitty relationships; How can I be sure that the next person will not treat me the same crappy way? People change and surprise you in a way you can never imagine. He may be the sweetest gentleman, but after some time, you will reveal that he is nothing but a dangerous manipulator.
7. I love spending time alone.
I enjoy being alone with my thoughts and feelings. This may sound selfish, but I just need to recharge my batteries. After socializing, I feel drained, out of energy. I know a relationship requires making time for the partner too. I’m not sure if I can make a healthy balance for our relationship to work.
8. I’m still confused about my feelings.
I can’t be with someone until I find out what I really want. I need to spend much more time alone and get in touch with my inner world. I need to work on being the best version of myself. Only after this, I will be ready to let someone enter my life and be a part of his world.