Sadly, I know the pain of being in a relationship with a narcissist. I know the tears. I know the anxiety. I know the struggle. I know how a heart breaks. When the mask of the one you imagined sharing your life with falls, then everything gets destroyed.
How to Stop A Narcissist From Hurting You
First, you need to understand how and why they hurt you.
A Narcissist is someone who most likely hurts you by projecting their unhealed wounds and traumas onto you. They may have felt abandoned, misunderstood, rejected, and not good enough in childhood that left a mark on them, and now they want to spew their wounds all over you and make you bleed as they have bled.
The narcissist wants you to be responsible for them. They don’t want to be partnered up with you. They are not team players. And there is nothing you can do to satisfy a narcissist and make them feel happy and at peace.
So, the narcissist will inevitably hurt you. However, in order to stop hurting yourself, you need to accept that you will never get the things that you want and need to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist.
You can’t get blood out of a stone, and you can’t make someone behave the way you want them to behave when they don’t have the capacity to connect with you emotionally.
So, stop hurting yourself and let the narcissist go.
What Are the Signs That You’ve Been Broken by a Narcissist?
A narcissist is someone who will destroy your whole life without you even realizing it. A narcissist will lie to you, abuse you, ridicule you, call you names, demean you, push you off your limits, and gaslight you to the point that you believe that it is all your fault and you deserve it.
The narcissist destroyed your sense of self forever. You were first idealized and adored, and then the narcissist pushed you off the pedestal and devalued you. The narcissist said horrible things to your face and then abandoned you. They left you in the destruction they have made.
And then, after all the pain and trauma you have endured, the narcissist decides to show up and try to lure you in. They want a second chance – a second chance to destroy what was not destroyed the first time.
Nothing in your relationship with the narcissist was good and normal. And even though you may not have visible scars and physical wounds, the psychological injuries are inside of you. You live daily with the trauma of being with a narcissist.
So, if you recognize yourself in these 8 symptoms of being abused by a narcissist, then you may have suffered at the hands of a narcissist.
1. You walk on eggshells around certain people.
When you have been deeply hurt and broken by a narcissist, it is normal that your brain wants you to avoid anything that reminds you of the pain and the trauma you have experienced. So, that’s why you may find yourself walking your eggshells around them and the people that remind you of them so that you can avoid the drama and their wrath.
2. You sacrifice yourself and your needs to please them and keep them from leaving you.
Once upon a time, you were optimistic, full of life, ambitious, and wanted to make your dreams reality. But, during your relationship with a narcissist, you start forgetting about yourself and your needs, and you cater to your partner’s needs because you fear they will abandon you. The sad thing is, they will leave you sooner or later, and they are never satisfied with what you are offering them, regardless of how much you give them.
3. You stop trusting others.
You have developed trust issues after your relationship with the narcissist. Because when the person you love betrays you, there is a big hole in your heart, and you will need a lot of healing in order to start believing in love again.
4. You isolate yourself.
If you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, you certainly have felt the need to isolate yourself from anyone because you don’t want to deal with the shame of what you went through. You may also fear that no one will support or believe you, so withdrawing is your solution to escaping judgment from other people.
5. You compare yourself to other people and blame yourself for the end of the relationship.
It is typical for a narcissist to bring third parties into the relationship and make you feel as though you are not enough for them. And instead of you leaving, the narcissist will play with your mind in such a way that you may think that it is all your fault and even try to “convince” the narcissist to leave other people and focus on you. With a narcissist, you compete ALL THE TIME.
6. You sabotage yourself.
When you have been abused for a long time, you may still find yourself hearing the voice and the words of your abuser, telling you you are incompetent and you don’t deserve anything good. This negative talk can still ring in your ears, and you may unknowingly sabotage yourself because you believe those words. Stop doing it. Stop ruining your goals and dreams. Stop ruining your life. You are worthy. And you deserve everything good.
7. You gaslight yourself by protecting your abuser.
As a victim of narcissistic abuse, you may start minimizing, rationalizing, and even denying what you’ve gone through because you want to reduce the pain of knowing that the person you thought loved you is capable of treating you that way. So, you tell yourself they are not that bad, and maybe you have provoked them to act that way.
What Do You Do When A Narcissist Breaks Your Heart
If you have survived in the hands of a narcissist, don’t worry – you are not alone. There are millions of survivors like you around the world. And they all are broken-hearted and fearful, just like you are. They are all traumatized. They have all experienced pain. And they all want to heal and move on with their lives.
So, the first step you should take in your healing process is to acknowledge what you have gone through. For instance, you can keep a journal and write about your experience with the narcissist. Speak your truth. Don’t let those negative feelings bottled up inside you.
Ask for help whenever you feel anxious, lonely, scary, or depressed. It is good to have someone close to you you can trust to guide you in your healing process, be it a friend or a psychiatrist because it is not easy to leave and heal from an abusive relationship. The trauma bonds you form with your abuser are strong and are not easy to break.
However, you can do it, and you are not alone. And it is worth doing it. It is worth saving your life.
How Do You Outdo A Narcissist?
First, don’t sink to their level. Narcissists are skilled manipulators. They love drama and fights. And you may feel like they win every time you fight with them, but it is not that they are good at it, but they know which buttons to push to make you angry. The narcissist likes seeing you lose control. So, avoid fights. They don’t lead anywhere. That’s the first step to conquering a narcissist.
Don’t give them any attention. Narcissists’ ego is always hungry for attention. Let them starve.
Let them go and move on with your life. Don’t bother with them at all.
And now, let me tell you a story about a girl who fell in love with a narcissist and how he broke her heart.
He came into her life like the most welcome guest. He was everything she ever wished for…or at least he seemed to be. He walked through her life, spreading his charm everywhere. That unexplainable charm… nobody could help themselves but fall for it.
And he left damaging footprints. He stepped on her self-confidence and self-worth so proudly, without any fear that he might harm her. And he did. He created a total mess in her head.
He set a fire and watched it burn. A narcissist broke her soft, fragile heart.
Now, even though this strong woman broke free from that toxic relationship, she can’t put the broken pieces of her heart together. She is still the victim of all the painful memories of the narcissistic abuse.
She feels empty and scared.
She feels lost. She can’t see through the darkness and find the light. She can’t choose the right path. This woman is broken in her thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
She can’t escape her memories; they have been haunting her everywhere. She fears them. She fears her new life. She is even scared to feel, so she avoids everything but fear. Her fear becomes her best company.
She doesn’t trust anyone.
All those manipulations and tortures killed her last bit of hope for a better tomorrow. She lost her faith in people. She is scared to trust anyone. She already trusted and gave her heart to a narcissist.
What did he do? He played a disrespectful game with her heart. She betrayed her trust. Therefore, she is afraid to share her life with someone else.
She is afraid to love again.
This woman believed in true love, but she was never loved. She was manipulated. She was humiliated. Because of that, she feels she doesn’t deserve to be loved. She feels incapable of giving love.
His heart was torn apart. How can a broken heart flutter again with the same warmth? Love has brought her nothing more than pain.
She needs someone who will heal the wounds of her heart.
This woman needs someone who will accept and respect her. A helping hand that will lead her through the dark storm, someone who will fill her heart with love and her spirit with faith and hope.
This woman needs someone with whom she will forget the past and enjoy all the beauty of the present moment. She needs someone who will heal her broken heart and make her whole again.
She needs someone who will show her what real love looks like.
This woman needs someone who will be with her through thick and thin, someone who will never give up on her no matter what happens.
She needs someone who will be everything that the narcissist wasn’t.
To all women whose heart has been broken by a narcissist: You deserve to be loved the right way. Believe in yourself. Keep your head up and your wonderful heart strong.
The best is yet to come.
Sandy White is a creative writer with a vivid imagination. The power of curiosity leads her to explore people’s inner world which is portrayed in her articles.