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Is Your Relationship Toxic? These Are The 10 Red Flags You Should Look Out For

No relationship is perfect. But it’s one thing if you‘re going through temporary and minor problems that can be solved and completely another thing if you’re in a relationship that’s full of drama, stress, negativity, and bound to fail. The latter is a toxic relationship.

Many couples decide to stay in toxic relationships because they’re afraid to leave their comfort zone. They choose to stick to what they’re already used to and avoid causing pain to their partner or to themselves by breaking up. Yet, staying in a toxic relationship is a more painful and damaging experience than any breakup. It can suck the happiness out of you and leave you emotionally drained.

If you’re wondering whether your relationship is toxic, these are the 10 signs you should look out for:

1. There is a lack of trust.

Trust is the basis of any healthy, meaningful, and healthy relationship. A partner who is untrustworthy, unfaithful, and doesn’t feel ashamed to lie about the most trivial things, and the important ones as well, can easily shatter the trust in a relationship. If you suspect or know for sure that your partner lies to or cheat on you and does things that you don’t approve of, like spending a lot of money, drinking or smoking, make them aware that you know about all of that. If they refuse to change their behavior, let go of them.

2. You constantly fight.

There isn’t a couple that doesn’t argue. Arguments make relationships healthy. Yet, if you often insult and yell at each other, and are unable to control your reactions, this means that your relationship isn’t a healthy and stable one at all. Even if you forget about doing some simple things, such as throwing out the rubbish or taking their coat from the dry cleaning, a toxic partner will lose it and start telling you how stupid and useless you are. Additionally, a toxic partner will always blame you for any conflict you have and they’ll never take responsibility for their wrongdoings.

3. There is a lack of touch.

It’s not only sex that brings about a strong physical and emotional connection between both partners. A gentle touch on the hand or back, a soothing back massage, a soft kiss on the lips or forehead, or a loving and comforting hug can do wonders. However, people who are in a toxic relationship will never be interested in these things and care to connect with each other in this way.

4. You frequently keep score.

Remember that relationships aren’t sports games. Keeping score of the good and bad things about you and your partner won’t do any good to your relationship. If you know for sure that this is the fifth time your partner forgets the date you first met or that you went out with his/her friends three times already this month, and they still refuse to hang out with yours, know that your relationship is completely toxic.

5. Talks about important things intimidate you.

When you’re in a toxic relationship, you feel afraid to talk openly about the things that upset or hurt you. If it’s your partner’s constant need to have control over you or if they spend more time out with friends than with you and come home late at night, are the things that bother you, you should feel free to talk to them about that. It certainly won’t be a pleasant and comfortable talk, but as the therapist Jane Reardon says: “When couples opt for keeping it comfortable instead of keeping it real, I hear a death knell ringing.”

6. Your partner is a narcissist.

If your toxic partner is narcissistic too, they won’t care about anyone else, but themselves. A toxic partner will never show interest in or consideration for your needs and wishes because they only care about their own. Such a person will never bother to ask you why you’re in the dumps or how your day went because as long as they’re happy and satisfied nothing else matters.

7. One or both of you have frequent pangs of jealousy.

Couples who are in a toxic relationship often feel jealous of each other even when there are no reasons for that. Controlling each other’s whereabouts and who you hang out with is a toxic behavior which can take its toll on the relationship. If you feel like you’re constantly stalked and deprived of your personal freedom, maybe you should give your relationship a second thought.

8. Your partner insists on or withholds from sex.

The way your partner behaves when it comes to sex can reveal a lot about his character and whether he is toxic or not. So, if they’re selfish in bed, you can be sure that they’ll be selfish in many other parts of your relationship. Being with a toxic partner who doesn’t meet your sexual needs can be an indication that you should break free from the relationship. Related to this, the relationship therapist, Kimberly Hershenson says: “Guilt-tripping a partner into having sex when they don’t want to or ignoring a partner’s need for pleasure in the bedroom might be signs that you should end things.”

9. You feel like you’re doing everything wrong.

 Evie Shafner, a couples counselor says: “Making someone feel like they can’t do anything right can be a serious sign of psychological abuse. Your partner is supposed to be your biggest cheerleader, a soft place to land.” For a relationship to be healthy and last long, both partners need to show understanding and compassion for the other person’s feelings and problems.

10. You lack interest.

No couples share the same ideas, opinions, or hobbies, but if there’s nothing that connects you and neither of you cares about the other person’s interests, know that you’re headed in different directions. Similarly, if both of you don’t want to talk about the things that make you feel happy and excited, you’ll feel isolated from each other and this kind of behavior can have a toxic influence on your relationship.