When you were little you probably thought a successful and long-lasting love is the one where there are no fights and no lies. You lived in the fairy tales of your books thinking this would become true once you find your perfect partner.
But, let’s be honest and break the spell. Lasting relationships have a lot of fights and they sometimes do lie to each other. But they still survive. How?Researches and studies have confirmed it.
The two keys for a relationship to see a couple of birthdays and a lot of future are being kind and generous to each other.
Statistics says that only three in ten marriages survive and are healthy and happy.
This fact is pointed out by the psychologist Ty Tashiro in his book “The Science of Happily Ever After”.
Although three out of ten, they are maintaining a good strategy. They all care about the other partner’s feelings, are kind to them, and show respect and appreciation.
In the first stages of their study, social psychologists observed marriages when they were in a sort of crisis. Unmarried couples were also involved in the study and psychologists wanted to find out how a relationship can stay healthy and loving for a long time.
John Gottam was one of the psychologists involved in the study. They decided to connect the couples to electrodes and see how their bodies will react when they talk about positive and negative aspects of their relationships.
The couples were then observed in the next 6 years. According to their results, the researchers separated the couples into two groups: the masters and the disasters.
The former were the ones that had a healthy lasting relationship after six years, whereas the latter were unhappy in their relationships or marriages.
The “masters” had a tendency to be grateful to their partners and show respect and appreciation on purpose.
The “disasters”, on the other hand, were only focused on their partner’s errors ad mistakes. All they did was criticizing instead of showing appreciation. Contempt tore apart these relationships.
The most important factor in having a stable and lasting relationship or marriage was shown to be kindness. When partners show kindness, their partners feel understood and loved, and they also act kindly to them.
Kindness is not easy, but it isn’t always something that you are born with. It is a kind of muscle and trait that you can master.
Kindness does not mean that you will not express anger or never be mad. It will be a special way to do it, and that is the kind way – give an explanation to your partner.
One way to be kind is to be generous as well. That does not include buying expensive gifts when you want to apologize, but it includes generosity to your partner’s actions.
Whenever you feel angry about something, try being understanding and generous and you will see the other side. Being generous also includes affirming your partner’s joy, sharing their good moments, and be there for them in good times as well.
Although life can sometimes surprise couples in a negative way, they find their way through by being generous and kind to each other, every single day.