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A Psychologist Finds That All Failed Relationships Come Down To One Basic Problem


I think the trouble with all relationships is that we believe that our partner should just know all our heart’s desires. After all, they should have learned how to make us happy after spending years in the dating game, right? Well, apparently not.

Psychologists have been trying to solve the mystery of why relationships fail since forever. Sometimes it feels like they are more likely to solve all the mysteries of the universe before discovering the thing responsible for failed relationships.

The psychologist Katherine Schafler deeply believes that the reason why relationships fail boils down to one crucial thing – the language of love.

Namely, we are all different and we all speak different love languages. The language of love differs from the language we use when we speak to our friends, family, and colleagues.

The language of love is something that allows us to express our most intimate desires and show our love to those that we love them. However, the problems start to arise when partners speak different love languages.

For instance, if you want your partner to give you flowers from time to time but you have never actually told them, how are they supposed to know that you want flowers? Well, you might think that if they love you bringing you something that you like should be obvious to them. But, it is not.

And while many relationships collapse under the pressures of money, obligations, expectations, and society, the truth is that many more relationships fail because one partner feels that the other one doesn’t care about them.

What’s the solution?

Always be clear with your partner about your desires. If flowers make you happy – tell them. Be expressive about everything that you need in the relationship. Your partner is not a mind-reader.  

However, I understand why stating your needs may be a problem for you. It’s because you think that telling your partner what you want them to do would take the romance out of the relationship. But, let me tell you that this is not true.

Society has already put a lot of pressure on the relationships nowadays. Everyone is expected to behave in a certain way and always say the right thing. And this is so unrealistic and entirely exhausting.

People show their love in different ways.

Some show their love by giving gifts. Some show their love through their words. Some let their action speak louder than their words. Some get more physical with you. And some show their love by spending a quality time with their partner.

All these ways mean ‘love’ to different people. So, relationships start to fall apart when partners don’t have the same love language.

For example, if you express your love through your words, and when you say, “I love you” to your partner but they don’t say it back, you might feel uneasy and uncertain of their feelings for you. If you also show your love by doing something nice for them like taking them out for a nice dinner, but they don’t reciprocate you will start driving yourself crazy.

But, stop for a moment and think of ways that your partner might be showing their love for you, but you couldn’t see it because their ways of showing love are very different from yours.

We all love the way we want to be loved.

What does this mean? This means that if your partner never looks at their phone when you are together, they tell you that they feel loved when you give them your undevoted attention. So, you should put away your phone too when you are together.

Understanding your partner’s language of love can be a really powerful tool for you to show them your love and affection.

Because, remember it is not enough trying to meet your own needs for love in the relationship, but it is very important to learn what makes your partner feel loved and to love them the right way.

What do you think about this? Do you agree?