Psychologists Explain: There’s A Sinister Logic Behind The “Nice Guy Syndrome”

If you’re wondering why Nice Guy is put in quotation marks, let me tell you that’s because they’re not nice. Psychologists explain that in most cases there’s a sinister agenda lurking behind the Nice Guy syndrome.

Namely, a Nice Guy is someone who thinks he’s entitled to date the girl he likes because he’s always been nice and supportive to her. And although neither men nor women should be expected to love back the person who showed them human decency, the Nice Guy thinks differently.

He expects the woman he’s interested in to like him back and become his girlfriend in return. He’s always comparing himself to and complains about the “bad guys” who always get to date the women they’re attracted to while he’s always left in the friend zone. And of course, he presents himself as the better choice for her.

The “Nice Guy Syndrome” is clearly explained by the psychologist Dr. Jesse Marczyk. He says: “The men who tend to get stuck in the friend-zone might not be attractive enough on their own (physically, socially, or otherwise), and so try to compensate for their shortcomings by investing in women more than their peers. In other words, they might use kindness to try and make up for what they lack elsewhere.”

A notable characteristic of the Nice Guy is that he feels betrayed by and irritated with the woman he likes when she doesn’t reciprocate his feelings. When he realizes that their friendship is not going to turn into a relationship, he blames it on the fact that he’s always been nice to her, but all that has been in vain because she’s only interested in “bad guys” and jerks.

Of course, there’re many guys and women as well who are genuinely nice and honest and don’t have any hidden intentions when it comes to you and your friendship. In reference to this, professor Adam Grant says:” Good guys and gals have a better chance of finishing last than the rest of us, but also better odds of finishing first.”

So, being nice might not get guys and girls what they want in the short term, but it will eventually pay off as chances are people will want their help further down the line.

Yet, there’s a stark difference between genuinely nice guys and those who are “nice” in the hopes of getting a girl.

So, if you happen to have a friend whose behavior has the above – mentioned characteristics,  you can be sure that your friendship is not what he’s after. Instead, he just wants to hook up or have a relationship with you.

According to Dr. Jesse Marczyk, the guy who feels angry about being friend-zoned shouldn’t feel resentful or wait for the friendship to transition to relationship. Instead, he should change himself so as to get out of the friend zone.

He suggests:” Go to the gym, groom yourself more, get a good job, increase your social status; generally do more of the things that a person finds attractive. When you bring more to the table yourself, your options improve.”

Another alternative he gives is that this type of guys should make their intentions clear from the beginning and if their feelings aren’t reciprocated, they should move on, not wait around.

Marczyk also emphasizes that the guy who has been put in the friend zone won’t be happy because “By definition here, one party wants more from the relationship than they’re realistically going to get. That’s a formula for disappointment.”    

So, if one day one of your closest friends reveals his love for you, make sure you find out what his real intentions are. He might have really developed romantic feelings for you through time or he just wants to hook up with you.

Image: Cornelius Woodrow