This year, me and my husband are celebrating five years of marriage. Many people ask me how we manage to stay happy and in love, even after this time.
Indeed, I think it’s pretty safe to say that we have a great marriage. Of course, we have had ups and downs, but that’s normal. It’s important that we have managed to overcome the problems and tough periods and we have been able to learn from them. This is just one of the important things that make a great marriage.
Here are some more that have played a huge role in my marriage.
- Love language
Have you ever tried to impress a partner and then been disappointed because they haven’t appreciated it? The reason for this may not be the character of the other person, but your different love languages. There is a great book written by Gary Chapman titled “The 5 Love languages” about this. It is important to have the same love language with your partner for a relationship to work.
- Sometimes, the rule of 50/50 doesn’t apply
You hear people saying that every partner has to give the same amount they receive in the relationship. This doesn’t always apply, actually. I have periods when I’m stressed and I don’t have the will to contribute with more than 10%. But I’m always ready to give 100% for my husband, and so is he.
- Don’t blame the partner
It’s easy to put the blame on the other during arguments, but this can just make everything worse. It’s never smart to blame your partner for something they have done, now or in the past. Instead, talk about the things you can do to solve the problem.
- Spend time together
Don’t give up on dates, even when you’re married. It’s good to remind yourself why you love this person. Have a date night once a week or once a month if you’re busy.
- Don’t stop having sex
And don’t kill the romance. If you want to feel your partner close to you, don’t give up on the flirting. You probably already know what your partner likes, so start doing that. Find time for this because it is equally important as all the rest. Seduce your partner all over again.
- Be prepared for changes
You cannot expect your feelings to stay the same and not change over time. They will change, whether you like it or not. The flowers you bought at the beginning might not be enough to make them happy after years. It’s OK not to hold hands all the time. You will change. So will your feelings.
- Tell them why you love them
Everyone wants to be loved and I’m sure your partner will appreciate you telling them why you love them. Tell them all you love about them. This will breathe new life into your relationship.
Women and men, equally, sometimes just want to be listened to. Every time your partner wants to talk about a problem, no matter how many times you have heard them talk about the same issue, don’t interrupt them. You’re the closest person to them, and they need you to listen to them. Sometimes, this is more helpful than fixing the problem.
- Think about your love
Each day, take some time to think about your love and everything you like in your partner. It is normal in a relationship to take things for granted after some time. But, reminding yourself on the good qualities of your partner will bring you back on track.
- Supporting the partner during “that time of the month”
Never tell her that she is “acting crazy because of her period”. Never! The least you can do is support her during that time.
- The wedding ceremony is not the most important
You will have many other days that will be better than your wedding. Don’t limit yourself to one day. Find a common interest and do that together to have many “best days in your lives”. Travel, cook, cycle – find your passion and do it with your partner.
- Don’t fight for stupid things
We have all started an argument for no apparent reason at least once. In marriage, these arguments can last for days and weeks if someone doesn’t put an end to it. If the problem is not important, stop the argument before it becomes bigger and harder to end.
- Stay present
Find time for each other every day. At the end of the day, I always dedicate time to my husband, no matter how short it is. I do this to hear about his day. I don’t want to be distracted and ignore my husband while I’m busy working or doing something else. If you don’t have time for this, maybe you should bring some changes and make your life simpler. At the end, it’s about the people, not the work or the money.
- Be supportive
There will be periods where you will want to be alone and do nothing with your partner. You will face unexpected problems and challenging moments will arise. Be supportive and hold each other’s backs. You will work through it more easily together.