Whether you just entered a new relationship, or you have been in one for a long time – we all have moments when we question whether we made the right decision and start to evaluate our partner.
Sometimes your partner can be good on paper having the same interests as you, or you are both in the same circle of friends, but as time passes and your relationship deepens, your partner’s habits and behavior may no longer give you butterflies.
So, you will question yourself: What has happened? Am I in the right relationship? What can I do to figure it out?
There is one simple and easy test that can put you on the right path and give you a clear perspective.
First, you need to make a pros and cons list. List the positive qualities of your partner that you can think of in one column and in the second column list all their negative qualities that get on your nerves. Then decide, which column is longer?
For instance, a one woman who has been dating someone for five months, and has been intimate with him after ten dates, started to feel confused and anxious about her relationship with him because she had mixed emotions – on one hand she had a terrible gut feeling that he is not the right man for her, but on the other hand she wanted a relationship so much because she feared to be alone.
So, she made a pros and cons list. On the pros list, she listed:
- He is gentle.
- He has a good job.
- He is stable financially.
- He is romantic.
- He is a good man.
- He is kind.
- He makes me smile.
- He has no previous marriages and kids.
- He compliments me.
On the cons list, she wrote:
- He doesn’t have any real friends.
- He lives far away from me.
- He suffers from anxiety.
- He doesn’t like to travel.
- He is not adventurous.
- He has different political views than me.
- He can’t satisfy me in bed.
- He complains very often.
- He is a pessimist.
- He goes to bed later than I.
- He is a homebody.
- He is not generous.
- He is always talking about his problems.
- He brags about his ex-girlfriends.
So, in the case of this woman, she discovered that she listed 14 negative characteristics as opposed to only 9 positive ones.
The next step is to list your top 10 most important priorities in your life. And then, write a ‘YES’ or ‘NO’ in terms of whether your partner satisfies them.
For example, the previously mentioned woman wrote down this list of priorities:
- Travel – NO
- Generosity – NO
- Sex – NO
- Social – NO
- Conversation – NO
- Bedtime Compatibility – NO
- Social – NO
- Romance – YES
- Friendship – YES
- Compliments – YES
Clearly, this woman had a man that fulfilled only 3 out of her 10 priorities in life.
Finally, the ultimate question that you should ask yourself is: “Is this person going to make my life better?”
Then, armed with this new information, you have 2 choices: to talk with your partner about the issues in your relationship and see whether there is a room for improvement, or leave the relationship and find someone with whom you are more compatible.
The woman in the example chose to break it off in order to get more in touch with her deepest desires and needs, so that she can find someone else who is a better match for her physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
After all, you are better alone than with someone who doesn’t meet your needs and doesn’t improve the quality of your life.
So, until you find your perfect match, be your own best partner and treat yourself the best way possible! Cheers! ????
Mary Wright is a professional writer with more than 10 years of incessant practice. Her topics of interest gravitate around the fields of the human mind and the interpersonal relationships of people.If you have a general question or comment please fill out the form and we will get back to you as soon as possible https://curiousmindmagazine.com/contact-us/ .