Is it worth staying married for the sake of the kids?
The decision of whether there is a need to continue with the relationship for the sake of the kids solely depends on the circumstances on board. In most cases, the decision to divorce your partner especially when the children are involved can be a very difficult choice to face. Most people even regret getting married in the first place probably because of financial issues, physical abuse, spouse’s sexual infidelity, and alcohol or drug problems.
According to Cosmopolitan, the main reason why people marry is for the sake of living a long and happy life together. However, there is an opposite of this because most marriages fail due to so many unbearable situations. The three critical questions you should be asking yourself are:
- How did the relationship that was so vibrant and wonderful begin to wither away?
- Can things ever work out again? Or should I just walk away?
- Will I be able to maintain this relationship just for the sake of my children?
If you are having difficulties in your marriage, you may be wondering if it’s best to separate from your partner or to continue with the relationship just for the sake of the kids and possibly set good examples for them. The problem here is whether divorced couples can raise their children in the right way in order for them to become good people when they are full adults.
Unlike the divorced couples, unhappy yet married couples try as much as possible to keep their differences aside just for the sake of uniting the family. They try to learn what it means to be married, how to be a good husband or wife and how to effectively sort things out between themselves without letting the children know. At times, they even try to hide their conflicts from the kids in order to avoid being a bad influence. However, there are consequences to these actions.
OnlineDivorce claims: “Staying together just for the sake of the kids can cause more harm than good”. There can be times when you are unable to control your feelings and you start fighting with your husband or wife in front of the kids. This can teach them how to fight and quarrel with other persons in society. Not only will it teach them the wrongdoings between you both but it can also affect them emotionally seeing their parents in conflict.
Here are some of those effects of an unhappy marriage on children (according to Heysigmund):
- You wouldn’t be able to express real healthy love to your kids
- Your kids can learn those wrong behaviors displayed between you both
- You may not fully spend time with your kids happily
- Your kids seeing you and your husband or wife fight all the time can break them emotionally
- Putting up a façade until the number of years it takes for your kids to grow up can also affect you mentally, physically and emotionally
- When your kids realize this behavior between you both then your home wouldn’t be a happy one. (things becomes more complicated)
- It can change their moral upbringing and make them act irresponsibly in society
So living a married life of pretense will not only affect the children but it will also have a negative impact on you, your home, and your spouse.
However, there are still good things that may come out from a couple staying together just for the sake of making the kids happy. The main reason why unhappy couples try their possible best to live together in order to look after the children is for sake of not letting those negative effects of divorce to influence their kids nor themselves. That is why they try every possible means to create a marriage that will not only support their relationships but also for the benefits of their children.
Below are some of the benefits a child will gain from an intact family:
- Seeing the parents both together would make them less likely to divorce as adults
- Seeing the family always doing things together without further issues would keep them emotionally sound and healthy
- Because they are emotionally sound and not stressed about bad family affairs then they are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol
- They are more likely to attend school and take their studies seriously than children from divorced parents
- They are more likely to act responsibly in the society and avoid immoral acts as teens
- They make good relationship choices and refrain from the bad ones. They are not also victims of domestic violence
- They are always willing to relate well with both parents
- They are less likely to become sexually active as teenagers
- Little or no experience of unwanted pregnancies for children staying with both parents
- Children staying with both parents are financially secured because their personal needs are always attended to.
Both issues have their own advantages and disadvantages. In fact, the main problem isn’t necessarily whether getting a divorce would affect the children negatively but rather how both parents can collaborate and behave maturely during and after the divorce. Parents who can act responsibly and stop blaming the other for the downfall of the marriage. Rather than looking for ways to fight and quarrel, come up with parenting strategies that could help and give your children constant time and attention. Also, give your kids the reassurance of keeping them happy and healthy as always.
There is no clear path in this, it is your choice to make!
Knowing the right thing to do in this situation isn’t certain. Unfortunately, you may or may not be in the wrong as to whether you should divorce or continue with the relationship for the sake of the kids. if you really want to be sure that you are doing the right thing, then you need to look at those circumstances affecting your marriage and critically make decisions that wouldn’t make you regret later.
- It is truly your choice to make, think about it before making decisions
- Know that every relationship you have can be cherished no matter what but you shouldn’t expect more from it
- Know that each child loves to see both parents together because that is what keeps the bond stronger despite the pain
- Know that if you can hold on much longer, things may be rekindled again. You just need to try and see if things would work out
- Know that you are in an unhappy relationship and you are already having regrets
- Know that you get to make the decisions to stay or to leave the relationship
- Know that nobody can predict the future and you can’t expect time to wait for you while thinking about the situation
In all this, you should know that the clock is ticking. You need to critically decide on what to do before it gets more complicated. Also, make sure that whatsoever you decide wouldn’t bring future regrets and should be for the best interest of the child. Knowing that if you have finally decided to divorce your spouse, you shouldn’t just walk away without taking responsibilities for the children.
Remedies that could help!
- Marriages can be fixed
Yes! Most broken marriages can be fixed. Maybe if you are on edge of divorcing your partner, you could at least reconsider and think carefully about it. Perhaps things aren’t going well in the relationship, you can sit down with your spouse and talk things out. However, if it is a situation where your spouse is in love with someone else and keep seeing him or her continuously without refraining from such acts then you can consider letting go of the marriage in order to avoid further complications. A marriage with infidelity is extremely bad. Your spouse being intimate with another person can be very painful and in this case, you will have no other option than to divorce him or her because of this unforgivable betrayal. However, things may still work out between you both. It takes teamwork and with time, you will get to forgive him or her.
- Guidance and counseling
If you are unable to make this decision on your own, you can always seek therapy and get some marriage counseling. Hire a therapist who understands you and your feelings, express yourself with him or her and make sure you let it all out. Say what is your mind, how your feeling about the idea of divorcing your spouse and if it is actually the right thing to do. Your therapist will guide you and give necessary advice that may help through the situation. Your spouse may not even accept the idea of divorcing you or the idea of marriage counseling and he or she may not even see the benefits of going through therapy before a divorce. However, a good therapist will show you how to patch things up in your marriage, and if he or she realizes that there is nothing that can be done in the marriage then such therapist will highly recommend you to divorce your spouse.