He was my sweetest secret. My obsession. My desire, everything I ever wished for. I decided to give him my heart and he swore on eternal love.
Have you ever loved a man so intensely, so deeply, from the bottom of your heart? I did. My eyes were sparkling with love fire. I was waking up with his name on my lips. My heart was beating in the rhythm of pure admiration and respect. My body belonged to him.
I was naive. Oh, how I was!
Ah, love…Love is blind. I was too. He became my deepest regret. He became nothing more than a sea of tears and sleepless nights. He became a lesson for life.
I trusted him.
I trusted his gentle voice whispering sweet words. I kissed those lips not knowing how much poison they were spreading around. He was always there for me. I felt safe in his arms.
I trusted him.
He made me feel that our love will last forever. He was my hero and I was the queen of his heart. I thought he would protect me. Forever… Little he knew about “forever”.
I fell head over heels in love with a narcissist.
I told him all my secrets. I talked about my deepest insecurities and fears. I came out of my shell and shared my dreams with him. I wanted to share my life…I got my soul naked!
I sold my precious soul to a narcissist.
He stepped on it with his dirty feet. He stepped on it without any fear that will harm that fragile piece of soul.
And he did it. He broke my heart. He crushed my soul. Without any mercy. And still, the world revolved around him.
I was taught to see the best in people.
I thought everyone is like me. He used my good-heartedness. He took out the last bit of hope. He ruined my world.
I got depressed. Dark clouds covered my thoughts. I had nothing to be happy about. Happiness became untouchable. Unreachable. Nothing more than a childhood fairytale.
I thought he would change.
I believed he would stop lying. I believed he would stop using me to achieve his goals. I wanted to believe he would stop blaming me for everything.
I couldn’t accept his true face. He had already taught me he was perfect. I thought he was worth fighting for. I thought he would change…but narcissists never change.
I lost my identity loving a man who was incapable to love.
I let him manipulate me. I became a victim of his control. I got blind. I couldn’t see the light. I lost my self-confidence. I lost my self-worth.
I lost my faith in love. I wasn’t capable to love. I wasn’t capable to feel anymore. I couldn’t put all the broken pieces of my shattered soul together.
I survived.
I learned to love myself again. I survived, and I am here to support you all. I am here to tell you that you are capable to find the light in the darkness.
I survived, and I am here to tell you that you are capable to love again, you are stronger than ever, you deserve more, you always deserve better.
Image:Robert Piosik
Sandy White is a creative writer with a vivid imagination. The power of curiosity leads her to explore people’s inner world which is portrayed in her articles.
