Home Love & Relationships When You Love Someone You, You Get Out Of Your Way To...

When You Love Someone You, You Get Out Of Your Way To Understand Their Emotional Triggers


Love is not only pink skies, rainbows, joy, and happiness.

A bigger part of it is simply facing the darkness together. Confronting our inner demons. Understanding what makes us so damn paranoid when there’s no logical explanation for it.

Trying to find a reason for behaving ridiculous, terrified, or confused. Getting out of our way to discover the deepest, scariest depths of your lover’s soul, and finally, understand their profound emotions by learning what triggers their fears and insecurities.

It is simple.

When you love someone, you accept them for who they really are.

You don’t get mad at them because they had another emotional outburst or an uncomfortable reaction to something they heard or saw. You don’t get frustrated just because they were acting silly and you simply don’t shut down because you feel like it wasn’t your fault.

You try to get inside their mind. You try to understand what haunts them. You try to communicate. You do your best to reach out to them and make them listen, no matter how bad they want to deny their fears and hide behind the cloak of  “I’m fine”.

Then you try to help them.

You don’t judge them. You don’t criticize them. And you simply don’t humiliate them.

You’d be surprised to learn that trauma sometimes reveals itself in extremely odd ways. So, if you haven’t struggled with the same issues, it is likely that you won’t be able to immediately understand their pain. Still, that doesn’t mean that what they feel isn’t real.

You see, love is a learning process. You may think that your person is simply upset over something trivial, you might think that they had a bad day, or they’re just tired, but the reality may be completely different.

There might be a thousand layers of guilt, fear or anxiety underneath their cool, calm exterior. There might a whole new world in which they secretly reside.

Their emotional triggers can be anything. A daunting silence. Raised voices. Fast cars. Loud places. Blood. The scent of a perfume. A certain song. Strangers.

You cannot allow yourself to judge them before you get inside their shoes and explore every inch of their secret world. You cannot accuse them of being over dramatic. You cannot calm them down by saying that it’s all in their head.

“It’s not that big of a deal”.

To them, it is a big deal.

So, instead of making them feel foolish, validate their feelings.

Even if you cannot fully understand their mind, and you cannot predict their reaction. Just be there. Let them know that it is okay to feel lost. That they need to feel free to open up and share their pain with you. That you are there beside them, no matter what.

Because when you genuinely love someone, you learn what makes them tick, what pushes them over the edge, what drives them crazy, and what soothes them. You understand what makes them uncomfortable and you never do that again.

You go out of your way if you have to, and you try hard, but you learn what triggers them and you understand their emotions because at the end of the day they’re the ones who have always done the same thing for you.