Why Some Women Never Get Out Of An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

You want to leave, but you don’t know how…

We can all stop asking why women can be so stupid and weak to stay in abusive relationships. We can all stop being so judgmental for a moment and understand that our judgment and shaming of abused women doesn’t help them in any way.

If you are a woman who is in an abusive relationship, this is for you.

You are neither stupid nor weak for finding yourself in this situation. You probably couldn’t see the signs from the start that you will be in an abusive relationship with your now ex-partner.

In fact, on the first date, he was certainly the most charming person, he flattered you and gave you love and undevoted attention that you’d always dreamed of finding in a man.

And maybe there were some red flags, but you couldn’t see them because your pure soul always believes in true love and in the good in people.

Emotional abuse builds gradually in the relationship. It is a slow, incessant, and methodical process which leaves the victim unaware and paralyzed.

It is like a little drip that you can’t even notice. It begins with a little off-hand comment or remark which is “just a joke.” This remark is so insignificant at the beginning that you hardly pay any attention to it.

Then, as time passes, you begin to notice the dripping. Now, the drip is a public joke at your expense, but you still can forgive your partner because he is always the life of the party. And when he comments about the length of your dress it is because he loves you, right?

Drip, drip, drip…

When he doesn’t like your friend you understand his points, so you decide to believe his judgment because after all, he is more important to you than some friend.

Drip, drip, drip…

You now start to get really annoyed by the dripping. However, you don’t decide to sell your house because of a leakage, right?

When he pushes the boundaries, you tell yourself that he is just being playful, and he doesn’t mean it.

Sometimes he can even say that you are being crazy for not believing him when you start confronting him. So, you may believe him because you start feeling like crazy.

So, you try to recompense for the drips in your relationship. You will be better. You will be more understanding and loving. You will be a better girlfriend or wife.

You no longer sleep peacefully. You are always waiting and agonizing. You always feel like you have to walk on eggshells around him.

The dripping grows stronger and stronger… You are now in denial. And this denial phase usually goes like this: If you hadn’t said what you said, if you hadn’t done what you did – then maybe he wouldn’t be like that, maybe he wouldn’t be so mad. You must have kept your quiet. You should have known better than confront him.

Because of course, he has problems and sometimes you can really be an ungrateful bitch.

Drip, drip, drip…

You begin to work so hard to save your relationship that you don’t notice there is water spilling everywhere on the floor.

Your denial now becomes fear. You start to be afraid of your partner. You fear that the others will find out about the situation you are in, but you are more scared that your partner can find out that you told your family and friends about it.

Now there’s water everywhere and you feel like you are drowning. You can’t ignore it anymore. You are scared but you are determined to save yourself.

So, you reach a pain threshold and you leave.

Because you finally realize that abuse does not always manifest as a bloody wound or a black eye. Sometimes it ends up as total alienation from oneself, as depression, anxiety, complete mental ruin.

And it was never your fault for giving in to the most divine of feelings called love.

At least you knew how to love. Now it’s time to forgive yourself and to let go of the painful past. Because even if the repercussions of your selflessness have turned you into someone who is afraid to love again and to experience life to its fullest again, you should never forget that you were strong enough to go through it all and leave with the strength that kept you alive.