We all want to be seen as intelligent, generous, compassionate, kind, tolerant, and forgiving people.
However, the truth is – we are not. We are not perfect, nor we are living in an ideal world. Things are not black or white, and no one is good all the time. We all have flaws and embarrassing moments that we wish we could forget.
The thing is, we refuse to face our flaws. We refuse to admit our weaknesses, and we tend to avoid or confront anyone who points them out to us.
One of the biggest ‘flaws’ that we can have is being judgmental. Because, when we are judgmental, we become hateful, defensive, angry, isolated, and anxious. It affects our physical and mental well-being.
Judgmentalism is, in fact, a defense mechanism for protecting our ego.
It makes us feel superior and gives us a feeling of false self-worth. Therefore, we avoid our faults by projecting them onto others. In this way (we think) that we protect ourselves.
Here are 12 signs that show you are a judgmental person that you may not even be aware of:
- You don’t see beyond other people’s flaws.
- You don’t tolerate ambiguity or uncertainty.
- You believe people are either ‘good’ or ‘bad.’
- You feel like everyone wants to hurt you.
- You are quick to skip to conclusions.
- You have a low self-esteem.
- You want others to be consistent all the time.
- You neither appreciate nor see the beauty in others.
- You don’t tolerate people who are different from you.
- You are overly pessimistic about everything that happens in your life.
- You are a strong critic of others and yourself.
- You are suspicious, untrusting, and anxious when you are around other people.
So, what can you do to end this habit of being judgmental? Here are 5 ways that you can do:
1. Look deeper into people and situations.
When we are being judgmental of others, we do it so because our conceptions and beliefs are wrong. We let ourselves jump to conclusions without a second thought. This behavior blinds us and makes us shut off and completely ignore the uniqueness and complexity of other people.
People who are cruel, unfriendly, and suspicious are almost always acting from ingrained fear or sadness that they have in them. We must look deeper and try to understand what’s beneath the façade of others. Because the thing is, we can usually find that that ‘mean’ person is, in fact, someone who is very human but suffers deeply.
2. Explore your self-talk by keeping a journal.
Your thoughts reveal your reality. What you think you become. So, take some time out of your busy day to reflect on your thoughts. Internalize and explore your way of interacting with others, and analyze your mistakes.
Whenever you start to feel anxious, insecure, depressed, or upset – pause and take a deep breath. Then, ask yourself about the reasons why you are feeling that way. Keeping a journal and writing your thoughts down can help you.
3. Ground yourself with mindfulness.
When you are experiencing the world through judgmental eyes, your mind becomes narrow because you are looking at things with tunnel vision. You are left ungrounded and feeling lost in your judgmental world.
The best way to fight judgmentalism is mindfulness – focusing your attention on the present moment. When you notice that you are becoming judgmental, try to focus on your surroundings more: see the colors, hear the sounds, feel the mild breeze – absorb everything.
4. Accept the weird, messy and ugly parts of you.
By slowly but steadily working on yourself and your self-esteem, you will become more accepting and less critical of other people as well. Look realistically and humbly at yourself instead of idealizing yourself. Then, try to understand your purpose, and why you are the way you are. Finally, learn how to accept your true self.
5. Be critical about your judgmentalism.
Try to look at the whole picture and not just at the parts that you are most comfortable with. Accept the fact that being judgmental is wrong, and next time when you feel that way – be your own critic. Don’t believe falsely that your judgment is 100% correct. Try to open your mind instead.