Love has happened to you after a long long time.
That tingling sensation deprives you of your sleep, it overflows you with a sense of joyous fulfillment.
It’s new, it’s passionate, it’s invigorating.
His honeyed words feel like ecstasy.
Things have been going really well lately and now you are wondering about his feelings towards you.
Is it just some wild sex making powered by a thirsty sex drive or is it passionate, caring, Cloud 9, sense altering love making?
Chill Karen, it’s just the beginning, who cares? We’ll see how it goes – you think to yourself, yet those making love vs. sex thoughts are somehow stronger. They shut every other rational thinking.
You can’t help it. You want to know, meanwhile those thoughts are lingering inside your brain and you are constantly torn between the two extremes:
Is it just some animalistic sex making because your energies seemed to have overlapped or is it that sensual, burning, slow type of making love that exceeds both chemistry and physical attraction?
Everyone knows making love and having sex is not the same thing.
Yet, we all somehow struggle with making a clear distinction between the two.
Ever wondered why?
It’s because when love is happening to us, all our discerning powers vanish into thin air!
That’s fine. It happens to all of us.
Sex is…well, just sex. A natural hormone-influenced occurrence that functions like drug to the brain. But that just sex, when mingled with feelings, intimacy and a real connection, can turn into an emotional involvement that goes beyond having sex for the sake of having it.
But men are just about having sex! – you may think to yourself.
Stop right there.
We’ve all been there where making love hasn’t been our priority, but things change when you meet the right person.
We change, our thoughts change, our actions… EVERYTHING changes.
So, what are the signs he is making love to you, and it’s not just about sex?
All matters of the heart pose pondering dilemmas, which is why we’re here to help you identify the signs that prove he is making LOVE to you, not just making sex:
1. He makes eye-contact with you
When a man is making love to you, you will know it because he’ll be making eye-contact. Long, intense, scanner-like eye-contact. He’ll love making love to you – and his eyes will show you that more than his words ever will.
Eye-contact, especially when longer, is so deep and personal, so intimate; it is the internal dialogue of the eyes, that silent click of the senses.
If he is not afraid to dive into your eyes and see you, really see you, it means he is not just having sex. Making love is in question! As Tony Montana puts it, the eyes, chico, they never lie. A true case in point!
2. He goes heavy on the foreplay
We all know that making love is not just about that physical tiredness of the body, those time intervals of pleasure. It’s about the full immersion in a sensual experience.
You’ll know best that he is not just having sex when he takes time to kiss, he touches your body, and notices what particular gesture, touch, or kiss made your heart skip a beat, so he makes sure to repeat it.
You’ll know he is making love to you because he won’t rush the sex act, and he’ll take his time to explore every millimeter of your skin. He’ll simply love making love to you – there’s no other way to put it!
3. He takes your body’s hints
Because satisfying himself is not his priority, he’ll be much more observant. He’ll notice and take hints based on your reactions.
He’ll respond to your movements and gestures, to the hints your body is giving out, and most importantly he’ll be nervous throughout your making love. You can notice this because whenever he’ll recognize you don’t quite enjoy or respond well to something, he’ll either back down or ask you what’s wrong.
4. He is gentle in the bedroom as well
When having sex, he won’t suddenly become Mr. Beast that can’t be tamed. Rather, he’ll maintain the perfect balance between the rough and the tender.
He’ll be considerate of your wants and needs when making love to you, and you won’t feel like you are there just to satisfy a basic need. He’ll be loving, caring and receptive of the queues your body is sending him.
5. He cares about pleasing YOU
You’ll know that his making love won, like really won your heart because he puts you first.
Sex won’t be about finishing in a bit and then moving on to the next best thing – he’ll care about fulfilling every caprice, every wild, crazy fantasy of yours even if it takes being all covered up in sweat and literally fighting for breath! He’ll make that extra effort because he cares.
6. He will ask questions about it
He wants to make sure the sex gave you pleasure and satisfaction, and he will ask questions. Whether you enjoyed the act, whether you had an orgasm, or whether it lasted long enough for you to reach that finish line.
He is eager to listen to you, soak in the impressions, and emphasize that you should always communicate with him – he welcomes constructive criticism and is willing to implement it.
Why? Because he is making love to you, of course! He’s caught some feelings and the fact that he cares about your pleasure before his is a CLEAR sign of that.
7. He’ll initiate pillow talk
Does he like talking after just having sex? That’s another sign he’s making love to you! And if the pillow talk is fun, easy, effortless, and endless that you are late for stuff, guess what? You are in it for the real deal.
The sex glow is real, and it just makes you want to cuddle afterwards and talk for hours on end. You talk about silly things, you rewind the sex experience, or you try to find life’s purpose after making love, and this is not only deep, but it’s the perfect proof that you both love making love to each other.
Otherwise, neither of you would’ve bothered staying in bed, bonding, and cuddling. That’s pure investment, right there.
8. He stops when you tell him to
This is a great sign that he is making love to you – he respects your boundaries. He wants you to enjoy the sex act because a man who wants more than just sex will treat you right outside of the bedroom and in it.
Whatever your reservations may be when it comes to physical intimacy, he will respect them. If you feel uncomfortable in a certain position or if you are uncomfortable doing something, he’ll understand. He won’t force you into anything and will never stretch your limits because the sex will be about MUTUAL satisfaction. Period.
9. He likes to cuddle after sex
He wants to be intimate long after the sex is over. Making love doesn’t stop when one of you collapses on top of the other in sweat. Instead, you feel happy and fulfilled.
It feels right and there are no cringing moments after the sex because you are both comfortable with your naked bodies, you cuddle and hug for hours, he lies on your chest in attempt to listen to your heartbeat, or he plays with your hair. He wraps his arms around you, soaking every inch of your skin – his hands are practically glued to your body.
It’s how you know making love won! You both have accepted your bodies, so that physical closeness, that comfort, and long-hour cuddling, when coming from the heart, cannot be faked nor mistaken for anything other than love, sweet love!
10. He chooses intimate positions
Face-to-face positions hint that the person you are with is into you. If he only chooses some fancy, twisted sex positions or doggy-style, odds are, you aren’t making love.
Bummer, we know.
But if the positions he uses instigate eye contact, intensity, and intimacy, we have some great news for you – he is making love!
Of course, sex is about experimenting and pleasure, and no one is denying that you should try new things, but if among that sexual rollercoaster intimate positions like missionary or cowgirl aren’t included at all, you may be wasting your time.
11. He goes down on you
A guy would go down on you even if he’s just sexually attracted to you. But when a man does this alongside all these other things, he is in for the long run. He loves your taste. He reciprocates. He pays attention. He hunts your reactions, your breathing, your sweet little moans.
He is romantic AND a giver. At the same time! Ever wondered why?
Well, because nothing matters more to him than pleasing you and satisfying you in bed – even if it means being a bit submissive and following your pace.
12. His personal hygiene will be spotless
You can see he put in some effort to look nice and to smell nice for you. He’ll be shaved, his beard will be in perfect line, and you’ll feel his perfume across 4 rooms.
When you are making love with someone you genuinely care about, you’ll pay attention to the smallest of details.
13. He is not rushing anything
After you finish making love, you don’t have the urge to get up, get your things, and vanish within 5 minutes. You feel good in his arms and you want it to last, but you are afraid he doesn’t feel the same. You are afraid he’ll get up and start to talk about how late he is for a meeting, or that he promised to meet his friends.
But no sir! He offers you lunch or coffee, a cigarette, even a glass of wine. He continues to lie in bed and just soak in your smell. BAM! That’s another sign that he is falling or has fallen for you already.
When he has no plans after the sex act and he is ready to enjoy a couple of peaceful hours with you, know that he is making love to you.
14. He lets himself be vulnerable in front of you
That means all selfishness and egotism aside. He’ll ask questions, he’ll seek affirmations that the sex is going well, and he’ll communicate with you. He won’t be afraid to start up bedroom conversations and ask whether you are enjoying the sexual innuendo and most importantly, he won’t be afraid to communicate his insecurities and imperfections with you.
He’ll be honest about his endurance or preferences, he’ll want to know how synchronized your bodies are, and that’s yet another sign he is making love to you. None of that macho man playing or anything.
15. He holds hands
This is really important. Is he holding your hands when making love or is he holding your neck in a firm grasp? If he is he grasping your neck or hair abort mission, we repeat, ABORT MISSION! Unless you want to get your heart stumbled upon.
To be sure that he is making love and not just satisfying a need in a whim of passion, don’t be the first to touch his hand – wait to see if he is the one initiating the hand holding or those gentle touches that feel warm and fuzzy.
Crude touches feel that way because they are not emotion-inspired; they just help you get a firmer grasp of your partner’s body, and when going for something serious, those are the things you want to avoid.
16. There is some dirty talk, but the sex is not based on it
He compliments you. He wants you to know how you make him feel. He won’t be afraid to whisper something romantic because he wants to be with you. He won’t feel less of a man for being cheesy or romantic or too honest or too loud in front of you.
There will be some dirty talk because hey, you are passionate about each other and you can be your kinky self, but you will also talk about feelings and emotions and when you are together, you’ll know he is making love because you won’t feel like a piece of meat. You’ll feel valued, loved, respected, and appreciated.
17. He waits for you
If he’s not making love but just having sex, he’d end all tired and panting, probably wanting to hit the shower right away – or just put his clothes on. But when a man is making love, he will try to cling closer to you and put his arms tighter around you. He won’t be selfish and self-oriented.
He will ask you if you are close, and he’ll go above and beyond to follow your timing. In case he is faster, he’ll want to continue right away so you can finish as well. After all, there’s two of you, right? He knows that, and he acts accordingly.
18. He has a favorite night gown or lingerie of yours
Out of all the pieces of erotic clothing you own, he already has picked out his favorite one. He has told you what color he likes most on you or has even bought you some silky nightgown or seductive lingerie in that color.
He wants to spice things up, but always in a way that will make you feel loved and important – always in a way that will make you feel special.
19. You don’t feel lonely as soon as it’s over
He is not making love to you if you get this innate feeling of frustration, sadness, or loneliness. Things might be great during the physical act, he feels present, but as soon as it’s over you get hit by the somber reality: you are not a couple.
He makes it physical. He makes it only about himself and it shows – that’s why you feel that way.
When a man is serious about you, after the sex is over, he stays in bed to cuddle and talk. That feeling of ecstatic happiness is so mighty that it uplifts your senses and brings joy to every atom inside of you. It feels different because it is different.
20. He wants to do it at home
On a cozy, spacious bed. With clean sheets and candles or dimmed lights. He takes time and plans the act. Sex with you for him is not happening out on a whim, it’s an experience. A journey. He wants you to be comfortable and to feel respected, which is why he is willing to let you enter his private sphere and wear his t-shirts after sex.
If he always initiates doing it in his car or somewhere out in the open for the sake of adrenaline, know that he isn’t quite making love to you. Carnal desire tends to be spontaneous, unplanned, less comfortable.
Making love, on the other hand, touches the private zone of our everyday lives, smashing our boundaries of both privacy and intimacy.
21. He doesn’t expect sex every time
Last but not least – not everything leads to sex! This is perhaps the most important indicator. Your cuddles don’t always end up with sex. That’s the biggest indicator that he is making love to you.
It means he plans a future with you – a bond that’s beyond the physical one; a bond that’s spiritual above all else and transcends the carnal, the animalistic, the hot-blooded… the lustful.
Making love is not cut and dry as it seems. It will never be. It varies for each person, because we all have different ways of connecting and expressing emotions.
The above-mentioned signs will inevitably help you differentiate between making love and having sex, but they are not mutually exclusive and vary from person to person.
One thing is certain though: when he is making love to you, you will be able to feel it. You’ll know it deep down in yourself because everything will feel more intense, cringe-free, and beyond comfortable.
You can mimic passion, but feelings? They are hard to fake, and that’s the beauty of love.
A professional writer with over a decade of incessant writing skills. Her topics of interest and expertise range from psychology, to all sorts of disciplines such as science and news.