Home Love & Relationships Can You Be Friends With Your Ex – Pros & Cons

Can You Be Friends With Your Ex – Pros & Cons


Being Friends with Your Ex: Reasons Why This Is Impossible and How to Stay in Warm Relations

Most divorced couples hope that after the divorce, they can remain friends. Yes, there’s nothing wrong with staying in a warm relationship with an ex, but the main question that arises here is: Is it a good idea to be friends with your ex?

Many are not even aware that chances are that this won’t work out and that it can negatively affect the lives of both of you. It makes sense to stay in a warm relationship and respect each other. But friendship is far from what is needed. Let’s talk more about this right here.

10 Reasons Why Staying Friends With The Former Is Not The Best Idea

  • If you have never been on friendly terms with your spouse or the relationship has worsened during your married life, then staying friends after getting divorced can create an unnecessary illusion. Friendship can cause you to make peace, but most likely, it will be the desire of only one side, and this practice has often been shown to be deceiving.  (1)
  • Friendly relations with your spouse will not give you the opportunity to change your life. Divorce is the beginning of a new life and an opportunity for a person to become completely different, to do new things, and so on. Relations with the former second half will slow down all this and make you plunge into the past. And after a divorce, you need to stay in the present, not the past.
  • If you are still experiencing feelings for your ex, staying friends with them can lead to another breakdown. Your ex may meet a new soulmate, which can cause you to feel disappointed even more.
  • Your ex may have feelings for you, which can also prevent both of you from living a new life. Friendship, in this case, is better to be minimized, as your ex will hope that not everything is lost and there is a chance to get back together with you again. (2)
  • An attempt to stay friends with your ex may aggravate the recovery process after a divorce. Usually, people need time to be alone with themselves. You’ll need to spend some time alone so as to process your feelings,  mourn your married life, and let go of your pain. But pretending to be “friends” with your ex will dull the whole process, and you will not be able to recover from the breakdown and will live in the hope that there is a chance for you to be together.
  • Staying friends with your ex may look weird to your children. Even if attempt to stay friends with your ex may aggravate the recovery process after a divorce. 
  • You cannot get into a new romantic relationship with your ex. You will most likely direct all of your energy toward learning how to stay friends. And this means that you won’t be able to let go of the divorce and get into a relationship with another person. Do you understand that sooner or later, you will need to open up to a new relationship? Staying friends with your ex will put off this chance for a long time. Now you understand that staying friends with your ex is not the best option. But maintaining a warm relationship with them would not hurt. Let’s look at three key tips to help you stay in a good relationship with your ex.
  • Get divorced peacefully, if possible. For example, you can fill out legal forms for divorce online to avoid the burden of dealing with many documents. Specialized companies that help to get divorce papers online will tell you how to prepare the divorce do-it-yourself kit, so you can fill out the divorce paper form quickly and simply.
  • Agree with your ex that you will meet only when necessary and when you need to discuss issues related to your children. Also, make sure you treat each other with respect whenever you meet.
  • Don’t hold grudges against your ex. Be open to new opportunities in your life. The longer you live in the past, the more you become immersed in a depressed state and feel resentment against your ex. Release all negative emotions, and then you can communicate warmly with them.

It is certainly good when you and your ex-spouse can maintain a respectful relationship after a divorce. Now you know how to do this, so say goodbye to negative emotions and open yourself to a new life.

Can You Be Friends With An Ex You Still Love?

The two tricky questions we often have after we break up with someone are: Can exes be friends? and Should I be friends with my ex? The answer?

Well, some people say yes and others say no. If you ask me, I believe the answer to these questions depends on whether you’re okay with the breakup and you’ve come to terms with the notion that whatever you and your ex had is really over. The thing is that if you still have feelings for your ex, chances are that you’ll secretly cherish hopes of reconciliation. And if your ex gets into a relationship with someone new, this is going to break your heart once again. So, in this case, staying friends with your ex isn’t a good idea.

Undeniably, when you break up with someone, whether respectfully and gracefully or on bed terms, you’re left with all kinds of confusing and complicated emotions. It can be difficult to determine how you’re feeling, especially if you’ve been in a long relationship with someone, the breakup can make you feel like your whole world has collapsed over your head.

However, if that breakup didn’t happen because one of you cheated on the other person or did something devastating, then you need to accept the fact that you were a couple for a long time and share many memories. So, in this case, chances are that you might want to stay friends with your ex.

The tricky thing is that the only way to transition into the friend zone is to have a clear intention in mind. If you still truly love your ex, it’s likely that staying friends is only going to bring a lot of disappointment and sadness into your life.

But if you know that you no longer feel anything for your ex, or that even if you feel something, you know those feelings will fade over time, in that case, it’s possible and a good idea to be friends with them.

So, if you’ve decided that you want to keep your ex in your life, here’s how you can safely and easily transition into the friend zone:

How To Be Friends With Your Ex

  • Take the time to get over the breakup.
  • Do not a booty call them.
  • Think about why you want to stay friends with them and how this might benefit you.
  • Ask yourself whether there’s even the slightest chance you might still be longing for them, and let’s hope you’re not.
  • Have an open conversation with your ex about your breakup and come to terms with the notion that things are over.

Why Does An Ex Want To Be Friends?

There could be various reasons why your ex might want to be friends with you, and in what follows, we’ve presented the 8 most common ones.

1. They Miss Your Company

If you’ve been in a relationship with someone for a longer period of time, it can be difficult to come to terms with the breakup and accept the idea that your ex is no longer a part of your life because, after all, you share so many memories.

So, your ex may miss your company. They may miss the things you used to do together and the places you used to go to while you were in a relationship. They simply yearn for your company.

2. They Regret Breaking Up With You

Your ex might have realized that the decision to end your relationship was an impetuous and wrong decision, so now they want to get you back into their life by staying friends with you.

3. They Want You As A Quick Fix

Maybe your ex planned to get into a relationship with someone new soon after you broke up. But, their plan didn’t come to fruition, so now they feel stuck and lonely. So, they may think becoming friends with you can help soothe their loneliness, at least until they find someone else.

4. You Share Common Friends

If you and your ex share common friends, chances are that you’ll often meet. So, becoming friends with you will help make the situation less awkward and unpleasant every time the two of you and your common friends meet.

5. They’ve Realized The Advantages Of Being In A Relationship With You

The reason your ex might want to be friends with you could be that they suddenly realized all the advantages you enjoyed as a couple. Perhaps they felt happier, more content, and more satisfied with their life. Or perhaps they miss the perks of sharing expenses with you.

6. They Fear Change

Cutting all ties with someone who’s been truly important to you in your life can be difficult. Chances are that your ex wasn’t aware of this earlier, but now they are. This has caused them to fear making changes in all aspects of life, from daily chores to personal relationships to work.

7. They Want You To Be Friends With Benefits

Whether you like this idea or not, it could be the reason why your ex wants to keep you in their life. Being in a relationship where they won’t need to commit to you will give them the freedom to see and date other people, which is an opportunity many would like to take.

8. They Want To Keep The Peace

If your ex has told you that they want to be friends with you so badly, perhaps the reason for this is not that they miss your company, want to hang out with you every day, or want to rekindle the relationship. Instead, they might want to be friends with you because they don’t want to live their life thinking that you hold grudges against them or that you believe they feel about you this way.

Is It Best To Cut All Ties With An Ex?

Cutting off contact with an ex may be a difficult thing to do, especially if you’re still trying to come to terms with a breakup. However, going no contact is the most effective and quickest way to get over a breakup and move on with your life. So, here are 6 reasons why cutting all ties with your ex is a good idea:

1. It Will Allow You To Take The Time To Grieve

Whether the breakup was messy or friendly and respectful, sadness, disappointment, regret, and anger are common emotions we experience following a breakup. And the truth is that it’s difficult to deal with these negative emotions if you still keep in touch with your ex.

Cutting all ties with your ex after a breakup will help you heal, get them out of your soul and mind, and move on with your life way faster.

2. It Can Improve Your Self-Esteem

Your relationship most likely ended because it was broken, and things between you and your ex didn’t function the way they should have. Being in this type of relationship can easily diminish your self-esteem and cause you to have a negative outlook on life.

Letting go of your ex means letting go of all the complaints about them and the disappointment and negativity you had to endure while in a relationship with them. Once these are out of your life, you’ll be able to perceive the world and life positively and boost your self-esteem.

3. It’ll Help You Reconnect With Yourself Emotionally

Not only cutting off contact with your ex will help you heal faster, but it’ll also help you achieve emotional clarity more quickly, which, in turn, will help you determine what steps you should take next.

Achieving emotional clarity can also help you become more aware of your deepest emotions and decide what qualities you’re exactly looking for in a partner and what kind of relationship you want to be in in the future.

4. You’ll Be Free To Do Whatever You Want

It’s sad that many people stop doing activities and practicing hobbies they enjoyed before they got into a relationship. Many people tend to forget their likes, interests, desires, and passions in a relationship. They get accustomed to living life in their comfort zone and forget about essential parts of their lives.

Cutting all ties with your ex will give you more energy and time to commit to pursuing your goals, do things you’ve always wanted to do, practice hobbies you’ve always wanted to try, and go to places you’ve always wanted to visit. Once you let go of your ex, you’ll quickly realize that your life without a partner can be so beautiful, sweet, and meaningful.

5. It’ll Prevent You From Idealizing The Relationship Or Your Ex

When you break up with someone and feel disappointed and sad since the relationship failed, it’s easy to fall into a trap where you’ll constantly remind yourself of the good times and all the beautiful memories you and your ex share while overlooking their flaws.

If you focus too much on your past, you can easily start idealizing your ex and hoping you’ll rekindle the relationship. However, what you need to remember is that just because your relationship was deep and meaningful doesn’t mean you’re supposed to stay together forever, and loving someone doesn’t mean they’re right for you.

6. It’ll Make It Easier For You To Find A New Relationship

Cutting all ties with your ex will make it easier for you to find and fall in love with someone who’s right for you. Someone who deserves your attention and love and is more than willing to commit to you.

However, if you don’t get rid of the emotional baggage from your past relationship, every romantic relationship you might be in in the future is bound to fail.