1. Playing the victim card. This, in my opinion, is probably the most toxic relationship habit. Of course, being a fragile and self-pitying human being who constantly complains about their life may seem like a simple method of avoiding troublesome situations. But there is a big difference between actually being a victim and playing the victim card. And believe me, that line is not that blurry here.
2. Keeping score about everything. The scorecard phenomenon is when the person you are dating digs up your past and starts to blame you for past mistakes that you’ve made to justify their current righteousness. This is very destructive since it is a way of manipulating another person into making them feel wrong in the PRESENT for a mistake they did in the PAST. It is a total waste of energy that could be otherwise directed towards something constructive and more beneficial, relationship-wise.
3. Confusing jealousy for love. It really surprises me how some people describe this as some display of affection, how it flatters them. Jealousy is not a sign of love. It creates drama, and it proves that there is a lack of trust in the relationship. Ultimately, this leads to absurd behaviors such as going through your partner’s stuff, hacking their social media accounts, reading their messages, or even worse, following their car.
4. Seeking validation from others. We’ve all done this, but what bothers me is that we’ve gotten used to it. Avoiding responsibility for our actions and opinions has become our everyday life. Apologizing and providing excuses for who we are or how we feel like is just wrong. You cannot remold yourself to fit in a box that’s not your size. You should always be yourself, no matter what. That’s the key to eternal happiness. If you are seeking approval from others, you’ll only end up hurting yourself because people only care about – wait for it – THEMSELVES.
5. Imposing ultimatums. A relationship should never be based on fear. It should not make you angry, miserable, or sick to your stomach. It should inspire you to grow and to be exactly who you want to be. If you are doing your best to emotionally suffocate your partner instead of letting them be who they want to be, you are the one who is destroying your relationship. Threatening only means that you do not care about their opinion, only your own.
Remember, you should be with someone because of who they are. If you are shaping them according to your wants and needs, then you are just seeking someone so you don’t end up alone. You haven’t truly accepted that person and possessiveness? You don’t need it in your life. Usually, comes back to bite you. People are not propriety, and eventually, they’ll tire of being treated as such.
6. Public humiliations. There’s a big difference between joking on someone’s account and insulting them on purpose. Whatever your reasons for behaving in such a way, discuss your unsolved issues. Privately. With your partner only. Be respectful enough to let your partner know about anything that might bother you instead of stumping on their pride and diminishing their self-respect for the mere sake of your own enjoyment.
People tire of being the ones always taking the fall when the real problem is a lack of communication and they may opt to leave that toxic relationship, so better late than never, make a change!
7. Impulsive behavior not on a leash. Attacking your partner for every single detail and not being able to control your impulses may point out to having a lot of repressed emotions inside of you. Calm yourself and try to find the root of your problem. Try to direct your anger into a different direction and filter it through a hobby, through meditation – whatever works for you. Not dealing with impulses and anger will eat your soul away.
If someone is going berserk very often, you should stand up. Past issues should resolve in the past, they shouldn’t drag for ages and subvert your peace. Point out to your partner that they need to communicate first, react second.
Nora Connel is a devoted writer with a BA in English Language and Literature. Her interests span around psychology, human relationships, and the inner self. She believes that writing has healing powers.