You are adapting to their schedule. I know how you feel about this. It’s just, you are doing it thinking it’s temporary or because the other person works so much, so you make the extra effort, you go the extra mile. You try to fit in within their routine or schedule so you can spend more time together, but you slowly notice that they never do the same for you. They never cancel or postpone meetings or night outs with friends for you.
You overthink their moves. You obsess with what may be hiding at the back of your partner’s mind or what’s the meaning behind their words. That’s because they act distant and you can feel it, so you overthink what could be the root of the problem. You look for the fault in you and this is not okay. Don’t feel guilty for someone else’s inability to commit and dedicate time.
You feel uncomfortable and you don’t feel free sharing your emotions with them. Or your thoughts. Or your opinions. That distance is floating on top of your head and you don’t want to expose your heart to them. You don’t want to show your soft spots or appear weak. Your partner no longer makes you feel comfortable, cozy, or secure and loved in the relationship, so you set your emotional walls too. They don’t communicate; they don’t reciprocate, and the more distant they are, the more you shut down as well.
You overcompensate or apologize frequently. This can also happen when in a one-sided relationship. Because you feel like you are not good enough and that your partner is perhaps still having doubts, you try to carry the whole relationship on your shoulders. You overcompensate, you are always available; you call them first all the time; you apologize for every silly thing because you want the relationship to work. The thing is, no matter what you do, it won’t because the problem is not in you.
A more serious stage in the relationship smells like mission impossible. Given how your partner still hasn’t set their priorities straight and they still feel like it’s more important to go out with friends, play video games, or have a sleepover at a friend’s house, or they never talk about the future, is another sign you should not neglect. When you love someone, you think of moving in together with your partner; you think of getting a pet, or you at least talk about how will your future look like and where do you want to travel together.
You don’t want to leave because of all the effort you’ve put in. The thought of leaving has crossed your mind, but you feel like you invested so much of your emotional capacity that you don’t want to leave just yet. You’ve put in the effort, the time, and you invested yourself fully, so you think it has to pay off, eventually.
You do all the work. There is no better sentence that describes this situation. If you feel like you do everything, and without your effort, the relationship would fall apart, it’s because it’s true. If there is no reciprocity and you feel drained, sick, and tired of maintaining something that doesn’t really exist, you have every right to walk away. If you feel like you are alone and have no one to talk to, it’s because it’s the truth. If it weren’t the truth, you would’ve felt differently. There is a huge difference between someone who loves you every second of your existence and someone who is with you for the sake of being in a relationship. It’s a tough pill to swallow, I know, but better late than never, my friend.
Some people have a fear of commitment, others are still healing from past relationships. It’s not on you. We cannot click with everyone. It’s the hard, dry reality, so walk through that door and seal it.