There’s nothing quite like falling in love. Nothing as intense, as consuming. That rush of emotions, that detachment from reality.
Love can take many forms. It can hide around every corner, driven by passion, attraction, and chemistry, or it can be fleeting like summer rain.
Love can shift into a habit. It can happen at a later stage or it can happen very early on in our lives.
These are all but forms of love, each of which prepares us for that ultimate, life-changing, life-altering – love.
To reach that ultimate, cathartic love, the one that many refer to as a lifetime love, we have to go through love’s stages, and everyone who hasn’t had the luck to fall in love with the right person from the start has lived to have three types of love: the first one that makes us do foolish things, the second one that makes us work hard for it, and the third one that doesn’t need a special reason to succeed.
The First Love
This is the love you would die for. This love is romantic, even dramatic at times. You think this is the love that would last forever, no matter how many people are against it or what comes on your way. You would do anything to save it.
In this relationship, even your own principles become unimportant because you are certain that this is it until you grow up. You have found love and you’re not giving up on it. Then there is the type of love that makes you grow.
The Second Love
Out of the three loves in life, this one makes you learn more about yourself than the other person in the relationship. You realize that you want to have someone by your side whom you can trust and who you can love. But you learn this the hard way – often through heartache and dishonesty.
In this love, both of you make mistakes and forgive. This is repeated again and again, sometimes for years until you get tired and give up, no matter how much effort you have put into it.
This love is passionate, but also dramatic and that’s why you have kept waiting for the happy end. But somehow, the end is always worse than you expected.
This experience made you stronger, but it also brought you back to reality and made you realize that love doesn’t always have a happy ending. It made you realize that love is not always Cloud 9, rather, it’s a lesson that old habits die hard and that you can’t force love because you’ll be spinning in circles.
The Third Love
Is the one that comes in the time when you want it and expect it the least.
It’s the love that happens out of the blue and that makes you do everything you have said you would never do. You didn’t plan for this love and that’s what makes it even stronger and more passionate.
It’s the love that just seems right. In everything – the connection you have, the support they provide for you, the way they make you smile… You don’t have to act perfectly in front of this person – the way you are is enough. They accept you with all your flaws.
You never imagined you would be with this type of person, but you’re happy and you wouldn’t change them.
You learned that love isn’t always how we imagine it and that’s okay. You don’t have to wait for the happy end now because at the end of every day you fall asleep happy since you’re with them.
Some people meet the perfect person early and don’t experience all of these loves. Others aren’t ready for the right love and miss it, only to find someone who is a perfect fit for them later.
And there are some who needed to experience the same type of love several times because they have hoped that every new relationship is different from all the others.
We cannot know who is the luckiest one. Whether it’s better to find the perfect love from the start or to have all of the three types of love in your lifetime. But it’s true that people who have had the three loves are stronger.
They know what heartache is, and they have learned what it is to try and fail. Their relationships have made them fearless in love and in life.
It all comes down to our choices – if we decide to keep looking for what we want or not. It’s your choice if you will stay with your first or second love because of what other people might say or because of the effort you have already put.
But only the people who were brave enough to get to the third love know if it was worth it. And it often is because it’s this love that never tires you and shows you what was wrong with the other two.
Out of the three types of love, THIS is the love that doesn’t ask for hard work, but it gives you everything you have always wanted. It’s the love that just fits. It’s the love that stays forever.
How Long Does It Take to Fall in Love
We all have three loves in life, and many have experienced them all.
What is love?
Is it just a chemical reaction of the brain and then when it wears off, it’s just an old, worn-off habit?
Or is it an emotion that defines who we are and what decisions we make in life, infinitely connected to that one soul that moves and understands ours?
I guess love is all those things at a different stage and with a different intensity. Sometimes it’s that rush of intensity at irregular intervals, and sometimes it’s a constant inflow of feelings towards a person that makes you a better version of yourself.
You feel the beginning of something; you are just still unable to put it in words and explain it. That’s because you are confused. It’s new. You are clueless.
You want to deny that you are beginning to feel something. It’s just an infatuation, you think. But how long before it turns into something bigger, larger, more significant?
How long does it take for those real feelings to start kicking in?
It depends on many factors. The issue is not in how quickly or intensely you feel those emotions, it’s in recognizing whether those feels are the real deal, not just pure physical attraction and desire, which can feel very much like true love at the very beginning.
What factors come into play when dealing with matters of the heart?
Your relationship history.
People are as good as their experiences, right? People who’ve been hurt in the past are not likely to dive into new relationships very fast, nor be willing to meet new people.
People who have never been in a relationship are also less likely to fall in love quickly. This is similar to people who don’t want to be in a relationship. They may be reluctant to give someone a chance even if they are interested because a relationship would not go in line with their current goals.
People who’ve suffered infidelity, are specifically hard to fall in love. They have trouble trusting people for one, and they are more likely to not open up in front of someone they just met and in hopes of protecting themselves from feeling pain again, they push the other person away.
A lot of our past burdens pre-determine our behavior and extend the time we need to fall in love.
This is very much connected to your relationship history. The older a person, the longer it takes to fall in love.
You probably think you already went through all three loves in life, and you are now disappointed. Or maybe it was the ego that broke the deal.
Or maybe that third, final love hasn’t still knocked on your door yet and as time goes by, you just don’t know it yet.
You have your guard up; you are on to people’s true intentions and you are tired of playing games. This too influences how long will it take you to fall in love. After all, you are wiser, better at reading people, and tired of playing that hot and cold game.
While we just need an hour of alone time with literally anyone to feel attraction, research also states that it takes very little time to fall in love.
A survey by Mail Online found that men take an average of 88 days to utter those 3 words, while women will take a little longer – 134 days.
This is to say that when a new relationship kicks off, men fall in love potentially sooner than women when they are in love.
Women, for the fear of being played, usually take longer to let their guards down and to admit it to themselves.
Most people think of saying the words I love you long before they actually say them, but deep down in them, they also feel the urge to confess their burning feels.
Your personality mindset.
Being eager to find a partner will make you more open to meeting new people and giving them a chance.
People who want to be in a relationship will likely fall in love faster than those who cherish individuality. Some people are just not afraid to be single; they are unconfined by the norms of society.
Similarly, people who’ve had a tough childhood and are children of divorced parents may not be as eager to let a new person in.
They are more prone to focusing on flaws and imperfections, so much so that their shield from the outer world will prevent them from falling in love effortlessly, without much inspection or analysis.
Even if someone catches our attention, if they are not in line with our visions, goals, and passions, that infatuation will be short-lived.
Apart from having a positive mindset and an overlapping timing where both of you are ready for a relationship, similar worldviews are also very important.
In fact, they are the makers and the breakers of a bond like a seed you plant in the soil. You plant it so when the time comes, you can reap the crops and enjoy their juicy taste, right? But to reap delicious crops, you first need to plant good seeds.
It’s the same with worldviews.
A Mix And Match
Physical attractions, temporal chemistry that makes us feel like we’ve never been hit by Cupid’s arrow as hard as up til now, and the brain’s firing of neurochemicals can sometimes trick us into thinking we’ve fallen in love for someone.
But those are merely tricks our brain pulls on us when bored.
The truth about love is broken down into a trifocal. You fall in love three times. Our three loves in life teach us what we need to know about love before we settle down. It’s a universal truth.
Our experiences may be radically different, but they all boil down to that crazy love that makes you lose your sanity, the one that teaches you a lesson for a lifetime, and the one that heels you and sets your soul at peace.
Now, the average time it takes to fall in love varies from person to person.
Love is intrinsic, personal, and subjective, hence it’s difficult to measure scientifically. For some, falling in love will take days, years, for others.
It’s a matter of right timings and positive attitudes. It’s a matter of letting go of the past that holds you in its claws, and a matter of admitting to ourselves that what we feel is genuine and won’t go away.
Love is a matter of hormones playing twist in our head and a matter of habits that make us feel safe, accepted, and loved, but mostly, it’s a combination of factors that happened to overlap.
It is inevitable that the time necessary to fall in love, although a phenomenon that to this day mystifies neuroscientists, will vary from person to person because we all have different life paths that determine our understanding of love and how we approach relationships.