I Am Sorry If My Overthinking Mind Makes Me Hard To Love

I constantly overthink everything you say. I always think that your words and actions mean something else.

No matter where I am and what I’m doing, I can never fully relax because my overthinking mind makes it so hard for me to do that.

You could send me a five-word message and I’ll still think about what your words meant. You could tell me you love me and I’ll think for hours whether those words are true.

So, I am sorry if my overthinking mind sometimes makes you angry. I apologize if my overthinking hurts your feelings. But trust me, it’s not my intention to cause drama and fights. I am only trying to protect the most precious thing I have – my heart.

I don’t want to be someone who gets lied to and manipulated by the one I love the most. I don’t want to be someone who ignores the red flags. I don’t want to be someone who gets betrayed and hurt.

Instead, I’d rather know my partner’s real intentions. I’d rather be aware of the betrayal and pain that are awaiting me. I’d rather know whom I’ve given my heart to.

That’s why I am obsessed with details. I can notice the smallest change in your behavior or in the tone of your voice, and instead of thinking that you had a tough day at work or that you feel tired, I’ll take that as a sign that you’re angry with me or that you’re hiding something from me.

And I know that my overthinking is sometimes too much for you to handle, and I know that my overthinking mind makes me come across as overly emotional and sensitive. Waiting for you to answer my calls and respond to my messages is like a nightmare for me. I create thousands of worst-case scenarios in my head. I’m always on the alert for something bad to happen.

Even if my relationship is going great, I will overthink all the ways it could break down. I could get betrayed. I could get ditched. I could have my heart broken and then get left to put it together all on my own.

When everything is going well in my life and when I feel overwhelmed with happiness, I become suspicious. I begin to think that everything in my life is going to fall apart.

So, I am sorry if I’m making things hard for you. I’m sorry if I get angry at you even though you haven’t done anything bad.

I apologize if it seems like I’m always worried, annoyed, or mad. I apologize if my overthinking mind makes me hard to love.

Know that everything I do, I do it out of love. And out of fear too. Because I’m afraid that you’ll find someone better than me. I’m afraid that you’ll give up on me and leave me. I’m afraid that my heart and hopes will be shattered again.