Home Love & Relationships This Is How You Deal With Pain And Move On When You’ve...

This Is How You Deal With Pain And Move On When You’ve Had Your Heart Broken


I’m sure you’ve often heard the saying: The course of true love never did run smooth. Well, I’m sorry to break it to you, but the course to true love isn’t smooth, either.

The path to true, honest, deep love is often paved with difficult challenges, disappointments, and heartbreaks. Some people let these negative experiences scar them deeply and prevent them from establishing meaningful, satisfying, and long-lasting relationships in the future. Others, on the other hand, are able to heal their wounds and move on.

So, the big question is: What separates them?

What separates them is nothing else but the way they deal with their heartbreak and pain.

Almost everyone, at one time or another, has been truly and deeply in love and has been hurt.  Almost everyone has had their heart broken by someone they loved with every part of their being. Almost everyone goes through a breakup and tastes the pain of losing someone whom they thought they were going to be together with forever.

And when a person is faced with this, they have two options: a) to let their heartbreak scar them and prevent them from forming healthy, deep, happy, long-lasting relationships in the future, or b) learn from this painful experience, find the strength to heal their wounds, and move on.

Any self-respecting, strong, and resilient person would go with the second option.

And what does that mean?

Here’s how you deal with your pain and move on when your heart has been broken:

First things first, give up the idea of revenge.

You might think that “revenge is sweet,” but trust me – it’s not. Your redemption doesn’t come with revenge. Thinking that your pain will go away and you’ll heal your broken heart by wounding the person who broke it is not only wrong but absurd as well.

Let’s get one thing straight: no matter how convinced you are that getting back at the person who hurt you will make you feel better and make them feel miserable, this won’t make your pain disappear and it won’t make the other person repent for what they did to you.

Trying to get back at the person who broke your heart will only prolong your feelings of bitterness and resentment.

If you really want to get over your heartbreak and be ready to move on, you need to learn to forgive and let go.

Every relationship, be it successful or a failed one, teaches you something. It teaches you valuable lessons about yourself – about who you are and how you behave and what you expect in your relationships.

But it also teaches you how romantic relationships really function. It teaches you that love doesn’t always conquer all and that sometimes it’s better to end a relationship than continue being in one that is one-sided, troubled, and draining.

It’s better to end a relationship than continue being with someone who takes you for granted. Someone who is never there when you need them. Someone who doesn’t reciprocate your love.

Accept responsibility for your actions.

When it comes to breakups, especially the period following a breakup, it’s very easy and tempting to blame the other person for all the problems in the relationship. It’s easier to shift the blame onto your partner than accept responsibility for your own actions.

It’s easier and more tempting to focus only on your partner’s flaws and mistakes and overlook your own.

But the truth is that rarely does a relationship fail due to the mistakes and bad behavior of only one of the partners. In most cases, it’s both partners’ fault.

So, blaming your partner for everything that goes wrong in your relationship, including your breakup,  won’t make you less guilty of your own mistakes and sh*tty behavior, of course, provided that you’ve displayed any.

Refusing to take responsibility for your own actions won’t change the fact that you haven’t taken care of your relationship as you should have.

What you need to understand is that a healthy, satisfying, and long-lasting relationship is one in which both partners are willing to take responsibility for their own actions and admit their own mistakes.

On the other hand, a relationship in which one or both partners refuse to behave this way is simply doomed to fail.

Allow this negative experience to make you wiser and stronger.

Use your heartbreak as a reminder that things don’t always go the way we planned and wanted to happen. Let this negative experience teach you that it’s sometimes better to end a relationship than continue being in one that steals your happiness.

It’s better to end a relationship than continue being with someone with whom you’re not headed in the same direction. Someone who doesn’t feel about you the way you feel about them.

Allow this hard, negative experience to help you become more aware of your strength, resilience, and worth. Allow it to make you a wiser and stronger person who will be able and more prepared to build happier and more meaningful and satisfying relationships in future.

Inspired by Carol S. Dweck – one of the world’s leading researchers in the field of motivation and a Professor of Psychology at Stanford University.