To The Man I Truly Loved – You’ll Regret Pushing Me Away

You broke my heart.

I don’t think you’re aware of what you did to me. I don’t think you understand how bad you hurt me. But now you’re going to hear it.

I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. I fell in love with your green eyes and disarming smile. I fell in love with your charm, kindness, generosity, and sense of humor.

But time showed that I’d fallen in love not with the actual you, but the person I thought you were. The person you wanted me to think you were.

I fell madly and hopelessly in love with the perfect image of you I created in my mind.

Because you were never the kind, compassionate, and honest man I thought you were. You were a manipulative, lying, inconsiderate man. A hunter. A hunter of innocent souls.

You knew everything about the heartbreaks and pains I’d been through before I met you. You knew how hard it was for me to let you into my life.

But you used my weaknesses and vulnerability to lure me into your toxic trap and make me fall in love with you. You made me let my guard down.

You told me to believe you. You promised you’d never walk away like the men I was in a relationship with did. You promised that you’d always protect my heart. You promised that you’d show me what true happiness and love felt like.

You convinced me I was safe with you.

You made me believe that you truly loved me. That you were The One.

But you weren’t in love with me. You were in love with the way I treated you. The way I looked at you. The attention I gave you.

You were in love with the fact that I made you the center of my world.

You broke all your promises.

Instead of showing me what genuine happiness and love feel like, as you promised, you showed me what sadness and pain feel like. And I have to admit – you were really good at it. You were the best teacher – you taught me that they hurt to the bone.

How could you hurt me that way? How could you be so heartless and cruel?

How could you be so cruel towards the one person who loved you wholeheartedly and unconditionally? The person that was there for you through thick and thin. The person who loved you with all your flaws, whims, and weaknesses.

You used your own problems and insecurities against me. Instead of focusing on my qualities and the love I felt for you, you focused on my faults and never missed a chance to point them out and make me feel bad about them.

You made me feel weak. You made me doubt my strength and self-worth.

You made me feel lonely. You made me feel like a ghost. Like I was just a second option to you. It never occurred to you to think about how your actions and cruel words made me feel.

And what did I do to deserve this?

Did I deserve this because I gave you all of me? Or because I tried hard to be the person you wanted me to be? Or because I cared about your feelings, needs, wishes, and problems more than about mine? Or because I loved and fought for you like no other woman ever has?

How could you change so quickly from the man I fell in love with into the man you’re now?  How could you turn so fast from a warm, tender, and loving person into a cold, emotionless, and inconsiderate one?

How could you “kill” the man who stole my heart and whom I believed loved me the way I loved him?

I have so many questions and the only answer I can think of is that the sweet, compassionate, loving man I thought you were actually never existed. Because when you truly love someone, you don’t make them suffer. You don’t make them feel sad and cry. You don’t ruin their hopes.

And this is exactly what you did to me – you broke me and shattered my hopes.

But you know how they say – we all have limits.

I could no longer let you have control over me. I could no longer continue falling for your empty promises, blatant lies, and sweet words.

I gathered enough strength and walked away.

But I didn’t walk away because I gave up, but because you pushed me away. Because you didn’t bother to keep me.

I walked away because I gave so much of myself to you and it was still never enough. Because I’ve had enough of the torture.

Because it hurts to the bone when you realize you were never as important to someone as they pretended you were.

Because I could no longer stay in a relationship that was dragging me down more and more with each new day.

So, yes, I walked away, but I walked away knowing I gave it my all.

And I want you to know that, yes, you broke my heart, but it wasn’t me who lost this game. Because I may have lost someone who didn’t love me, but you lost someone who loved you truly and wholeheartedly. Someone who was willing to do everything for you.

And one day, you’ll realize I truly cared about you. You’ll realize what you had. And you’re going to miss me. You’ll regret everything you’ve done to me and all the emotional damage you’ve caused me. You’ll regret letting me walk away.

One day, we’ll be neither friends nor enemies. We’ll be just two strangers with some common memories.

And one day, you’ll wish I was by your side, but I won’t be there. I won’t be waiting for you. And then you’ll feel lonely and empty. Then, you’ll experience the pain that I went through.

Then I’ll be with someone to whom I’ll mean everything. Someone who won’t have to make me walk away to know what he has lost.