When it comes to toxic people, the truth is – there are no toxic people, only toxic behaviors. And you need to recognize them early to save yourself from trouble. These people are often wounded, do not have a clear perception and control over their lives, and use mind games to get what they want.
The only way you can win at their game? – Refuse to play.
Everyone has someone in their life whose behavior is toxic to us. According to psychologists, if you find yourself feeling like this, you are probably around a toxic person:
“You are afraid when you are near them, you get angry and exhausted, you feel like you always have to take care of them, they don’t accept ‘no’ as an answer, you feel like you have to prove yourself to them, your values go out the window, you are extremely cautious when you are near them, and their drama has a negative impact on you.”
You need to be smart to not let them get to you. They may leave you emotionally wounded if you get involved in their game.
So, here are 8 effective ways how you can deal with them.
1. SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES
Toxic people like to complain. They are always exposing their problems to you to get you to pity them. That way they can feel valued and important. Often, you can find yourself listening to their complaints because it is rude for you to tell them to shut up.
However, you should always have some limits on what you will and what you won’t tolerate. Don’t be nice and sympathetic if the conversation leaves you drained, exhausted, and full of negativity. Be able to distance yourself from the situation for your own good.
2. IGNORE THEM
Toxic people love to be at the center of attention. When they are at a party, or any social gathering – they like the focus to be on them. The best way to deal with them is not to give them what they want. Meaning, ignore them. Ignore their need for attention by not paying attention to them at all.
Toxic people often tend to insult or belittle others to make themselves better. They would say something like “I would never dress like that.” Just ignore them.
3. LET THEM EXPOSE THEMSELVES
If you are in the presence of a toxic person and you know that he/she is lying to you – let them lie. It would never work to try to convince them otherwise and expose their lies.
Best is not to care about their lies. You know your truth, let them have their lies. Don’t waste your time and energy confronting them. Let them say and believe what they want to say and believe.
4. DO NOT TRUST THEM
Toxic people want to be interesting all the time. They would share their deepest secrets or gossip about someone in order to have everyone’s attention.
Don’t expose your secrets to them because they will probably betray you and talk about you like they talk about others in front of you.
5. TELL THEM WHEN IT IS THEIR FAULT
Toxic people are masters of blaming others. They never see fault in their actions – the fault is always in the actions of others. They will always find an excuse to remove the blame from themselves.
But, you are smarter than that. Do not allow them to blame you for their mistakes. Make it clear to them that you are not a fool and you won’t accept that kind of behavior.
6. STOP TRYING TO PLEASE THEM
It is natural for a toxic people to one day be all happy and loving with you, and the next day to leave you wondering what you did wrong because they stop talking to you. Toxic people know that nice people like you will always go to any lengths to make their loved one feel good.
Do not let them use you for their benefits. When you ask them what is wrong, if they reply ‘nothing’ or they refuse to reply to you – leave them. Toxic people usually shift their mood to get what they want by making you guess what you did wrong.
7. DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN THEIR DRAMA
Toxic people enjoy causing arguments. They especially enjoy when everyone picks their side and agrees with them. However, engaging in an argument with a toxic person can be very dangerous because you can almost never win.
The best solution is not engaging yourself in the argument at all. If somehow you find yourself in that situation, just walk away and say that you are not interested in arguing. Remember: Not your monkeys, not your circus! ????
8. RISE ABOVE THEM
You cannot win in a toxic person’s game. So, don’t waste your precious time in trying. The only thing you can do is to distance yourself physically and emotionally from them.
This way you can stop them from causing you any hurt or emotional damage.
Do you recognize this toxic behavior in someone close to you? What do you think? What are your ways of dealing with them? Share your thoughts with us and take care.
Mary Wright is a professional writer with more than 10 years of incessant practice. Her topics of interest gravitate around the fields of the human mind and the interpersonal relationships of people.