Have you ever heard the expression “love is blind?” Well, if you haven’t, the expression is talking about how when you’re in love with someone, you can be blind to their faults even when their faults are taken out on you. When your love is blind for your significant other, it usually takes someone else to let you know that you’re in a toxic relationship because you just can’t see it being that you’re the one in the relationship.
Psychology Today states that it’s common for people to be so blinded to their partner’s negative traits that they actually create an idealized image of their partner and it’s the idealized version of their partner that they see, instead of the real version of them.
To be fair though, you really can’t blame you’re significant other for displaying these habits because there isn’t a class you take in high school or college that teaches you how to be the ideal boyfriend or girlfriend. Yes, you learn about the fundamentals of sex and the anatomy of the body but there’s no real class that teaches you about relationships… ultimately you learn through trial and error.
Better to Find Out Now Than Later
When you’re in a toxic relationship, there are always red flags that signal you to leave but you either ignore them or you really don’t see them. The thing about red flags is that you want to catch them and do something about them before you get too far in the relationship and both people suffer.
This situation happens all the time, actually. Can you imagine getting so entangled in your relationship (despite the red flags), get engaged, and then get married? Next thing you know, you’re in an unhappy marriage and the only solution is to seek legal counseling. You don’t want to go through that… that’s why it’s better to pay attention to your significant other’s habits and any red flags they may signal to let you know that your relationship is toxic and you need to leave.
You or Your Partner Constantly “Keeps Score”
“Keeping score” in a relationship is when one or both of you are consistently bringing up each other’s past mistakes in the relationship. You’re pretty much starting a battle or competition with each other to see who has made the most mistakes in the relationship, turning the whole situation into a “scorecard.” The aspect about this that actually makes the relationship toxic is that you/your partner tries to use this scorecard to justify certain actions or behaviors.
This is something you want to nip in the bud as soon as you notice your partner doing this, or if you notice the both of you doing it. If you don’t, then you and your partner will end up spending your whole relationship trying to prove to each other that one person is more righteous than the other. This will base your entire relationship on guilt and bitterness, and there’s no happiness in that.
Your Partner Expects You to Be a Mind Reader
You’ve heard people say “say what you mean and mean what you say.” In a relationship, it’s very important to apply that statement. Your partner may have a desire, want, need, or thought but doesn’t verbally express what they want. Instead, they drop little hints or express passive-aggressive behaviors in hopes that you’ll know exactly what they want… no one is a mind reader so your partner can’t be mad at you if you don’t know exactly what they want when they don’t tell you what it is.
The aspect about this that makes it toxic is it clearly shows that you two aren’t comfortable with openly communicating with each other. If your partner is happy and feels secure in the relationship, they wouldn’t need to drop hints or expect you to know what they want without telling you what they want.
Your Partner Threatens the Future of the Relationship
Let’s say that you’ve had a bad day and your partner clearly sees that you’re upset and makes a statement saying “If you’re going to be negative like this all the time, then I can’t be with you.” A statement like that is so unnecessary. The aspect that makes it so toxic is that it’s a mind game.
Relationships are going to have ups and downs and the fact that they’re so quick to threaten to throw it away because something doesn’t go right or go their way is a major red flag that you’re in a toxic relationship and you need to get out of it.