Home Love & Relationships Why A Sleep Divorce Can Save Your Marriage

Why A Sleep Divorce Can Save Your Marriage

Sleep divorce

Sharing a bed with the person you love is a wonderful, wonderful thing. However, what do you do when your partner is the reason why you can’t get a good night’s sleep? Perhaps they snore loudly, or maybe they visit the bathroom a lot during the night, or your alarm clocks are set at different times, or one partner prefers to sleep in a warmer room temperature and the other doesn’t… whatever the reason, many couples experience this every night. The solution? Sleep divorce.

What Is Sleep Divorce?

Sleep divorce means sleeping separately from your partner, whether in a different bed or a different room in order not to be interrupted during your sleep for all the reasons I mentioned previously.

So, how common is this practice? What is the sleep divorce rate? How many couples sleep apart?

The number of couples who sleep apart is on the rise. A 2023 survey conducted by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine found that almost all couples that were questioned are using silent alarms, eye masks, ear plugs, or different times to tuck into bed as a form of avoiding their spouse’s different sleep patterns or schedules.

However, more than one-third of the respondents have decided to put a wall between them and their partner to ensure they will get an uninterrupted good night’s sleep. Sleep divorce is the perfect solution for spouses who have mismatched sleeping patterns and who value sleep and rest. So, if sleeping with your spouse is negatively affecting your marriage, then it is time that both of you file for a sleep divorce.

Why can a sleep divorce save your marriage? Why more and more couples are considering sleeping apart?

Dr. Erin Flynn-Evans who is a consultant of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine points out that sleeping separately can have its own benefits. According to her, when one spouse has some kind of a sleep disorder that disturbs the other spouse, then it’s best for them to sleep in different beds in order to stop negatively impacting one another thus preventing fights in the relationship.

Perhaps one partner is snoring and that disturbs the other partner, or one of them is getting up at 5 a.m. and the other one sleeps till later, or maybe they have different sleep preferences in temperature, lighting, or TV usage. In those cases, sleep divorce is advised.

However, if you don’t have problems with sleeping, then, by all means, do sleep together. By sleeping next to our partner our body releases oxytocin which is called “the cuddling hormone”. This hormone makes us feel better and brings us closer to our partner, greatly improving our relationship. 

Are couples who sleep separately happier? Or is it a sign that you are headed towards divorce?

Sleep divorceWe all know how not getting enough sleep can put us in a bad mood. Sleep deprivation may lead to fighting with our partner. Moreover, a good night’s sleep is essential for our wellbeing. We are all happier when we are rested and rejuvenated. Therefore, we don’t need to worry if at night we decide to separate from our partner.

Sleeping apart doesn’t mean that you are headed towards divorce. Sleeping together can’t save a marriage that is bad, and sleeping apart can’t separate two people who have a great connection. True love means finding ways to make each other happier and make life easier for both of you. And if you are worried about your connection, then you shouldn’t be because there are many ways to maintain your sexual connection intact and even make it better.

But, before you decide to do it, you need to openly discuss the topic with your partner. Start the conversation with how much you love them and appreciate them. And then, tell them that your sleep patterns differ, and you need a solution. Don’t make it about them. Don’t use the word ‘you’. Instead, use the word ‘we’. That way you don’t make it sound like they are the problem. For example, don’t say “You keep me up all night”, say “It seems that we both can rest at night because of our different sleeping styles”.  This way their defenses will go down. And then you can suggest trying sleeping apart for a change and seeing how it goes.

Some parents decide to sleep apart after having children. A newborn wakes up many times at night, so they take night shifts. While some of you may argue that once you start sleeping in different beds, there is no going back, and intimacy will never be the same, there are many benefits of sleeping apart.

Is it good for married couples to sleep apart? The benefits of sleep divorce.

When we hear the term ‘sleep divorce’ we immediately think of something bad. However, when partners make a choice to sleep separately, it may strengthen the bond between them and bring them even closer together.

A night of quality sleep is known to bring peace and happiness to people. So, when both partners are rested well, they are less prone to conflict and fighting, thus their marriage or relationship improves significantly. But, of course, the circumstances for choosing to sleep apart do matter. For example, if you are choosing to sleep separately to avoid seeing each other because there is tension between you two, then sleep divorce can deepen the distance between you.

Apart from that, there are many benefits to embracing sleep divorce. For instance, you can organize weekend sleep-ins together with your partner that can improve the spark in your marriage, and you will both feel as if you are dating again. Because during the workdays when your schedules are hectic and you are busy, sleeping apart can be helpful for you to rest and rejuvenate, and then on the weekend you can snuggle together to reconnect, and it would be a whole new feeling! The mix of separateness and closeness will create the balance you need to not take each other for granted and to cherish your marriage.

Another benefit is that you can create your own pre-sleep routine. In other words, you can do little things like watch a movie together, play a board game, listen to music, cuddle on the couch, or simply talk before heading to your bed. This will increase the intimacy between you and strengthen your bond. You can both go to bed in peace knowing you have connected and have spent quality time together.

In conclusion, while the concept of sleeping separately from your partner may sound unusual, it has proven to work for many couples around the world. After all, every couple is different, and you need to decide what works for you.

What are your thoughts about this?