“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being A Wallflower
Love is a phenomenon we all experience and word around the block is that we actually fall in love with three people during our life. However, each time we fall in love, it is for a completely different reason.
The first love we experience is usually when we are young, which is why this is a picture perfect type of love. This is the happily ever after we usually see in motion pictures and in storybooks like Cinderella.
Most of us are blinded by the belief that this is how it should be, completely ignoring the fact that it may not be right for us. Considering this is the only “love” we have known thus far, we think this is how it should be.
Most times, we ignore how we feel on the inside for society’s sake, since it looks good. We are too young to know better.
As for the second kind of love, well, this is the most excruciating of all. This type of love teaches us the tough lessons we need to learn in order to grow.
Through this second kind of love, we are made to believe that we have grown from the first love and learned the hard lessons, so we hang on. Here we fail to recognize that we are still making the same mistakes, yet not learning our lesson.
During this unique experience, we become part of a never-ending sequence, manipulated by actions we cling onto and so desperately believe will change. But, as the saying goes, “no matter how many times you read the book, the ending is still the same”.
This applies here as well. Yet, we still choose to stick around, foolishly believing that things will change, but end up worse.
These types of experiences are the most heart wrecking, insalubrious and at times egotistical. Here we experience the tides of the most dramatic highs and lows life can throw at us.
However, these highs and lows are what keep us from moving on. Manipulation tends to be addictive and so we stay to see what remains of this poignant rollercoaster.
The sad truth is that we have so freely opened ourselves to feeling this way that it feels natural. Eventually, we lose sight of what it important to us, leading us to everlasting doom.
Finally, we come to terms with the truth and realize this is the love we wish turned out differently.
This is why we have the third kind of love. We usually get it right the third time around. However, this time it comes out of the blue, unexpected and raw. In the beginning, it feels wrong and farfetched since we have not planned for it. We never saw it coming.
This is the kind of love where it just feels right for no particular reason. There aren’t any ultimate anticipations in the real sense of the word. We each act as ourselves, not pretending to be someone we are not.(impact of human pheromones on attraction)
Unlike the storybook, young love, this love is real. It is so real that it looks nothing as we have painted it in our heads. It beats all expectations and all bets are off.
All cards are on the table and playing it safe is not an option. This is the real deal in the end. The main lesson learned with this kind of love is that there is no predominant representation of how love should look or feel like.
Love is persistent and patient. Therefore, if this third love is the one that is the right one, it will not give up easily. It will tear down our very being and shake us to our core.
It will teach us things we have never learned before. And, we will finally come to understand why it never worked out with anyone else.
Unfortunately, not everyone gets to experience all three types of love in one lifetime. Some are not ready, while others need to learn what love is not before they understand what it actually is.
Love is presented in all forms and figures, but it does not mean that it is wrong.
Some of us may need a lifetime to learn each lesson, while the others only need a few years.
There are these people, and then there are those that only experience love once. But, this is enough because it lasts a lifetime. Maybe our grandparents were each other’s first love and the epitome to what love ought to be.
Several may argue that this is the best kind of love and that these folks are the lucky ones. However, I beg to differ. If you have found love and are still with that same person from the very beginning, great.
I applaud you. Nevertheless, I do believe there is more to this world. I salute those who had their heart broken several times and never gave up.
They came to terms with life and realized that third time really is the charm.
We all love in different ways and just because it has not worked out so far, does not mean it will not work out in the future.
Are we bounded by how we love, or loved without boundaries? We all have choices in life. Therefore, if staying with your first choice makes you happen, then be it. As long as we are happy with the person, we have chosen for ourselves that is all that matters.
If we choose to stay with the second love, that is fine as well. Some people’s philosophy in life is that people can change and that if it is worth fighting for, then fighting is what they should do.
In the end, there are those that still choose to wait for the third love, the one that just feels right – the one that will make them feel calm and wanted.
They are all special in their own way.
Whatever love you choose to spend the rest of your life with, be sure it makes you happy. That is all that matters in the end.
Author: Kate Rose