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This Is Why I’m Not Afraid Of Being Alone, I’m Afraid Of Being With A Man Whose Soul Doesn’t Match Mine

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I get it – relationships are not a smooth journey. Relationships are not perfect nor are they supposed to be.

But I believe that being in a relationship with someone shouldn’t be a difficult, painful experience. It shouldn’t hurt. And yet, some relationships suck all the energy out of you and rob you of your happiness. Some relationships hurt to the bone.

And I know this the best. I’ve had a couple of draining and one-sided relationships. I’ve dated guys who made me feel bad about myself. I’ve had a couple of such toxic relationships that I realized being single is not scary.

I’ve realized that it’s not rolling solo that is terrifying but being in a draining, poor, crappy relationship.

That’s why I can proudly say that I’m not afraid of being alone, I’m afraid of dating.

Here’s why:

1. I don’t fear to be alone, I fear to be with a man who makes me feel like I’m alone.

I’m not afraid of doing anything by myself. I’m not afraid of going to bars, restaurants, or the cinema alone. I’m not afraid of going to birthday parties, weddings, or concerts alone.

Rather, I’m afraid of being in a relationship with a guy who makes me feel like I’m alone. A guy who doesn’t make me feel happy and fulfilled. A guy who makes me feel lonely in his presence.

2. I don’t fear to sleep alone, I fear to lie next to the wrong man.

I have no problem going to bed by myself. I’m not afraid of sleeping and waking up in an empty bed. Instead, I’m afraid of lying next to a man who’s not the right person for me. A man who isn’t committed to me. A man who doesn’t give a damn about me.

3. I don’t fear to be myself, I fear to date a guy that makes me feel like I can’t be who I really am.

I know who I am. I’m aware of my insecurities and fears and I’m not ashamed of them. And when I’m in a relationship, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I show my emotions freely and proudly.

That’s why I fear to date a guy who doesn’t accept and cherish me for who I am. A guy who doesn’t respect my opinions and decisions. A guy who wants me to change and be someone that I’m not.

4. I’m not afraid of having lunch alone, I’m afraid of having to endure a meaningless, boring conversation with someone over lunch.  

Having lunch or dinner alone at home or at a restaurant does not scare me at all. What I dread is having to engage in small talk with someone over lunch. Someone who is not capable of having deep, substantial, stimulating conversations. Someone whom I have nothing to share with.

5. I’m not afraid of making love, I’m afraid of making love to a man who couldn’t care less about me.

I’m afraid of making love to a guy who doesn’t value emotional intimacy. A guy with whom I can’t connect on a deep mental, emotional, and spiritual level. A guy who only sees me as a ‘doll’ whose purpose is to satisfy his sexual needs and desires. A guy to whom my feelings and soul mean nothing. A guy who is only interested in my body.

6. I’m not afraid of being alone, I’m afraid of being with a man whose soul doesn’t match mine.

The idea of rolling solo doesn’t scare me at all. What scares me is the idea of giving my heart to a man who doesn’t know how to take care of it.

I fear the idea of sacrificing and making compromises for a man who isn’t worth it. I fear the idea of committing myself to a man who doesn’t even deserve a second of my attention. I fear the idea of falling in love with a man whose soul doesn’t match mine.